Cockblockin'

What Kent Wears

2008-10-30T21:49:00.000-07:00

This is a post I did for Charles Henry's famous online cotton blog. Spelling Errors have been modified. Ideas have been mildly expanded.

This Motorhead shirt features a great oversized logo and a classic
slogan. It was purchased at Hot Topic. Yes, Hot Topic. I first saw Motorhead in May
of 1999. I was a senior in high school and mainly went to see the
opening acts, which featured Dropkick Murphys, Hatebreed, and
Skarhead.

Skarhead opened the show and shared some classic banter with the
people who decided to come early. A Motörhead show, similar to a
Slayer show predominantly features 40 year old auto mechanics yelling
the name of the headlining act during every opening band. Lord Ezec
kindly asked , "If you see anyone yelling motörhead, punch them in the
fucking face."

'Kings At Crime' had just come out so most of the songs they played
were off that record. They sent out 'Y.A.S.' to Chubby Fresh who later
allegedly got into an altercation with the band outside the show. I
purchased a Skarhead t-shirt at this show which I wore proudly for
many years.

Hatebreed was notorious for cancelling shows around this time and I
was relieved to see they had made this show. Their set was
unbelievable. They exploded onto the stage and played all of the hits
off 'Satisfaction...'. Was any song not a hit on that record?

Hatebreed were just crossing over into the metal world at this time,
so having to see them with a barricade was a bit foreign. They made up
for it with their energy and intensity and even threw me the mic
during 'Last Breath'. This was one of Sean Martin's first tours with
the band and I remember him smashing his guitar when it started
malfunctioning.

During Hatebreed, a white trash gentleman in a TOOL shirt, asked me
who was playing. I told him,"Hatebreed from Connecticut."
He said "They are called Connecticut?"
He then yelled Motörhead at the top of his lungs and proceeded to push
everyone around him.

Dropkick murphys were in the direct support slot. "The Gang's all
Here" had just been released and they focused on that. Their reaction
was lackluster, which was surprising because they had a huge skinhead
following in Cleveland at the time. Earlier in the day, I walked in on
original guitarist Rick Barton taking a shit in a stall without a door.
I thought it was strange at the time, but being on tour now, I have shit in stalls without doors, shit in bags, and well...shit my pants.

Motorhead closed the show and played what seemed like every song in
the history of recorded music, and they played them very loudly. I
don't care how awesome you are, a 2.5 hour set is overkill. Too much
of anything can get old, even pizza and suck jobs. I didn't see
Motörhead for 3 years after this, and their next clevo appearance
featured Morbid angel, Ringworm, American nightmare, and Striking
Distance. That is a different story for a different day.

Ask Chucky how to wash and dry this, I just sell the things, I don't
launder them.

Ozzfest '07 Remembered

2008-05-02T00:55:00.000-07:00

Ozzfest 2007 allowed me to do many things. I got to meet some professional wrestlers, football players and c-list actors, eat great catering, sweat outside in the sun for a minimum of 12 hours a day, and most importantly I got to interact with some of the best people in Middle America.

I saw pregnant woman guzzling beer out of $9 souvenir whalebone glasses, new born babies literally dying, projectile vomiting (male and female), stampeding crowds (RIP Hatebreed Merch Table), women in sports-bras with coverall shorts, shameless displays of obesity, and bad dental plans.

Tons of shirtless men (and women) allow you to do some great tattoo spotting! Some of my favorites included: 2 PePe le Pew tattoos (1 on a man), tons of swastika tattoos (my favorite wearer of the swazi tat also had a tattoo of TRU, the New Orleans rap supergroup containing Master P, Silkk The Shocker, and C-Murder, he obviously didn't get the memo that those three gentlemen are not white), 2 tattoos that read, "Trust No Bitch", and both of the men that had them were definitely holding hands with a ... well, bitch.

*** "Do you know Hatebreed?"
"Yeah, I work for them."
"Can you call them for me? Can you call Jamey Jasta for me, man?"
"Bro, why would I call them?"
"Because, that pit is fucking bullshit, and I need them to make sure it gets going!"

***A guy walked up to the giant red HATEBREED tent (where it is clearly spelled out to you 4 times in that classic flaming lower case old english font) and said, “Hateblood, huh? Y’all got any stickers?” Then this great Wisconsinite walked to the Behemoth tent next to me and said, “Hellmouth? Do Y’all got any stickers?”

***“Where are the fuckin’ Kiss shirts at man?”

***“I see you got a shirt that says, FUCK YOU! I LIKE HATEBREED. Where are the shirts that say, FUCK YOU! I LIKE OZZY?"

I replied sarcastically, "They are on the back of the "FUCK YOU! I LIKE HATEBREED" shirts."

"Really? I'll take one in a 3x."

***“Is Hatebreed going to be making an appearance today, man?”

“Yeah, they sign at Jager at 2:30 and FYE at 4:15.”

“OK, so they are going to be signing, but are they going to be playing, man?”

“Bro, what do you think, I am standing in a tent full of their merch.”

“Well, maybe they just sell it here; it doesn’t mean they are playing.

***“Hatebreed…I want to get one of those shirts for my brother, man. He is prejudice.”

“The band isn’t into that stuff, actually.”

“Oh, it’s a band? I just thought it was a racist clothing line, nevermind."

Thank you Ozzy. Thank you Sharon.

A Long Winded Run On.

2007-11-02T00:16:00.001-07:00

Look all the way to the right.

As I sat in a loading dock beneath the Hard Rock Café Casino in Las Vegas, with $50 dollars in my pocket that wasn’t there when I woke up that morning, it all momentarily made sense. I sat Indian style on a road case and watched 9 men adorn their half naked bodies with mountains of latex and fiberglass. I know that might sound like an everyday activity for me, but this time it was a bit more special.

I was able to feel the camaraderie as grown men from Virginia …er…I mean, Antarctica by way of outerspace, changed into GWAR right in front of my eyes. This was always the step that I had missed. I had seen them during the day; I had seen them during their performance but I was normally too busy to see the actual transformation occur. For 20 plus years they have gotten to experience those 30 minutes together everyday, and it really meant something for me to be a part of it, even if it was for only one evening.

It brought back to mind the first time I saw Scott Vogel of Terror readying himself for a performance. He was shadowboxing in a dark New Jersey room, adjacent to the stage, with a boombox on the floor blaring classic NY hardcore and Hip Hop. The band’s intro hit, he immediately stopped, and was handed a mic. I remember thinking that this dude really is as intense offstage as he is on it. That show was stopped after three songs due to the 15 fights that occurred in those 6 minutes. Scott was definitely able to rile up a crowd. He was definitely able to rile me up as well. We both proved that a few days later as we almost got into our first of a few physical altercations with each other; but those are different stories that Kitzel would probably want me to post in some zine of his.

It also made me think of being in Europe with Hatebreed. Joking with everyone backstage, then walking onstage alongside them to face tens of thousands of people at a different European metal fest every day for 5 weeks. Laughing with Sean one minute, then watching him turn into an unbridled reverse head banging machine the next. Yes, walking onstage with Hatebreed is cool; but it is obviously cooler to do the same thing with New York’s Rider Man. (See Previous Entry).

I take so many things for granted, but it is moments like these that truly put it into perspective. I have stood on all corners of the earth with people who do nothing more than yell really loud into a microphone. Something so dumb has taken me so far. Something so dumb means so much.

I recently read a blog post by Blacklisted. Their roadie, Chucky, shares his thoughts about being on the road. He seemed so excited to be a part of something that it reminded me of the first tours that I was ever on. His enthusiasm is a stark contrast to the complete lack of excitement I currently carry with me. It wasn't always like this. His post made me think of that first Terror tour where I was bruised from stagediving every night over huge barricades, where we were stopping at a gas station every 4 hours, buying tons of candy, and eating pizza every night with 5 people who would become close friends. Although I was 23 at the time, I was living like a 12 year old and I couldn’t have been happier.
I dropped out of college to go on that tour with Terror. I only wanted to do the one tour, but other things kept getting added. I was having such a great time, I just kept coming back... coming back for 15 straight months on the road. We had played shows alongside Unearth, The Black Dahlia Murder, Hatebreed, Sick Of It All, The Warriors, Comeback Kid, Modern Life is War, Madball, Throwdown, Everytime I Die, Gwar, Chimaira, Murphy’s Law, 100 Demons, Shadows Fall, Converge, Turbonegro, Donnybrook!, Outbreak, Dio, and Iron Maiden. Yes, THE Iron Maiden. I was even able to appear in their video for, “Keep Your Mouth Shut,” which according to the program director at MTV2 is the “worst music video of all time.” Not many people can say that, except for Lil Wayne and Baby after they made “Leather So Soft.” Weezy should NOT play air guitar.

After 7 US tours, 1 Canadian tour, 1 Puerto Rican tour, and 1 European tour, I was completely burnt out and jaded. I was angry at everyone in the band and myself. I left Terror for what I assumed would be the greener pastures of Throwdown. We embarked on a 2 month tour, and although I liked everyone in the band personally, I never got that same indescribable feeling that I got on those early Terror tours. I got $8,000 in merch money stolen from me in Arizona, $2000 of which I had to pay back, and upon the conclusion of the tour, I went home with no intention on ever returning to the road. I figured I could find better things to do than overdose on sugar and sleep on the floor of a moving van.

I went back to my old job at The Mortgage Zone, Inc. (R.I.P.) and became a licensed loan officer in 13 states. It really was as exciting as it sounds. I started going to bed early and getting up during normal hours. I did things that normal people did and celebrated such activities as I hadn’t been able to do them for almost 2 years. No one at my new job could understand what I used to do, and the few that did couldn’t understand why I would ever leave it. Some Holy Roller lady once said, “So it would be like me working for Amy Grant? That would be an absolute dream.” I had described my experiences to everyone as a nightmare, but statements like these made me reconsider.

Throughout that summer, I had mended a lot of the relationships with Terror that I had burned. I went to see them when they played in Cleveland and realized how much I missed being around them. I saw a new guy selling the merch (Fat Jugs Hernandez), and it really left a strange feeling in my stomach. I realized how easily replaceable I was and how I had possibly pissed away a great opportunity that many people would truly love to have. The night of that show, I remember telling Nick that I wanted to do 1 last tour and go out on my own terms.

I was unsure how the dynamic of the band would be because they had some lineup changes as Carl had left to make First Blood a full time band and Frank had gone on to join Hatebreed. What a resume he has: Ringworm, Integrity, Terror, and Hatebreed. Wow. Frank was the person who brought me on my first tour, and I had trouble imagining touring without he and Carl, yet I knew I still wanted to be back out there one last time.

Even though Frank and Carl were gone, I was excited to hang out with Martin and Buske; Terror’s newest members.

Martin was the guitarist who took Frank’s spot and was someone that I always enjoyed being around. He was the brain behind Donnybrook! and I always loved when Terror would play shows with them, Some of the most memorable Terror shows were with Donnybrook! and included such events as: Martin being stabbed by a bottle by a soundman in Baltimore, a riot in Central Cali involving one of our friends beating people up while wearing a Los Angeles Dodgers Poncho, and Martin’s brother, Dre, getting Scott so wasted that they would sleep in the van every night, even when they weren’t on tour.

Buske was someone that I met in the early 00’s when I used to post on his former band’s messageboard. I could tell from his posts that we had many similar interests. Actually I remember him from before that because he stagedove once and ripped the hood clean off my sweatshirt. Prick.

I remember he was playing a show in Erie, Pa and I E-convinced him to burn me a copy of the then unreleased Meraduer – Bluetality album. I saw him at the show wearing the first pair of Nike Shox (which were horrible) and some boot cut jeans which had a real strange cut to them, topped off with a sparkling new tech vest. Buske has always been fashion forward. He wanted me to get him an Integrity hooded sweatshirt for him in exchange. I never got it for him and we fell out of touch. Buske felt that I was “dissing” him during the next 2 years, but I just didn’t think his memory was as good as mine. I assumed he meets tons of people and just wouldn’t remember me. I was wrong. Buske still brings up that goddamn hoodie when he is piss drunk.

I quit my Mortgage job two weeks after my meeting with Nick and Terror, and was back on tour after being home for 6 straight months. The first shows we played were with the Gorilla Biscuits and Comeback Kid. I had talked a lot of shit throughout the years about bands reuniting, but GB made me eat my words. I had every intention on hating on them, but they just blew me away. Every member of the band and crew had so much fun on those 5 days that it cemented in my head that I had made the correct decision.

Unfortunately Martin couldn’t make those shows. His father passed away the night before the first day. I never told Martin how sorry I was for his loss, a loss that I can’t truly comprehend and hopefully won’t have to for some time. I had a whole speech mapped out in my head to let him now that I was riding with him, but the words never came out. This has happened to me repeatedly in my life. If I could only be half the person I am in my daydreams… In my dreams, I am a soap star, I am in my own band, I’m famous, I’m not an idiot in relationships, etc. I always have grandiose visions of things to say to people, things I need to do, and things to become the person that I want to be; however most of them are left on the cutting room floor. Hopefully Martin was able to see by my actions how important he is to me, even though I wasn’t able to vocalize it in his time of need.

Buske and I laid it out on the first day as he confronted me about not talking to him for a few years. I told him my side of the story and we were inseparable from that day forward. I loved hearing him talk about his twisted and terrifying masturbation stories from his youth. I really miss Martin and Buske.

After the GB shows, Terror headlined for a few weeks then joined up with Unearth and Bleeding Through for a 3 week tour. Half way through the tour, Scott got really sick and flew home. The rest of us were stuck in a hotel room in Texas with no idea what our next move was to be. This wouldn’t be the last time we would be stuck in a hotel room not knowing if it was the end, but once again, that is a story that doesn’t fit here, and may never fit anywhere. We decided to drive to New York and stay at Buske’s. We drove straight through the night and had the best time together for the 5 days until Scott returned. I really felt part of something again.

After the Terror tour, Frank came through on his promise and got me a job with Hatebreed. I had only wanted to do 1 final tour, but I thought this was an opportunity that I couldn't pass up. He always said he was Cam and I was Jimmy and he would eventually get me out of 5-H. Years before he also told me, “I put you on and I can take you out whenever I please," so I guess you take the good with the bad.

I was touring with the biggest Hardcore band of all time and one of my best friends was actually in the band. It didn’t seem real. I juggled Hatebreed and Terror simultaneously for 6 months. It always seemed to work out that when one of them was on the road, the other wasn’t. I really got to have the best of both worlds. I got to hang out in shitty motels with my friends, then I got to go and be on some huge metal tour the next month and have great catering.

Earlier this year, I had to commit to Hatebreed due to their intense touring schedule that they had mapped out. The same thing that happened to me in 2005, started happening to me in 2007. I was getting aggravated by everyone and I just wanted to go home. This year alone, I have done 3 U.S tours (I am currently on my 4th), 1 UK Tour (w/ stops in Russia, Ukraine, and Israel), and 1 European festival tour. I figured that enough truly was enough.

After Ozzfest with Hatebreed, I wanted nothing but to lay in my brand new bed and not leave it for months; if ever. I had nothing lined up and wasn’t really concerned about it. I knew Terror would be touring in November and secretly hoped I would be free so I could go and eat shitty food and act ignorant with my friends. That dream died 2 and a half weeks into my stay at home when I got a phone call from Gwar. Gwar was going out for 12 weeks and needed somebody to accompany them.

This was the first time I ever went out with somebody that I didn’t know at all. It was a very intimidating thought, but I knew I had to do it. I am so thankful that I did and that brings me to the present. I'm in albany, Jizmak is my boss, and I hang out with slaves all day.

Although, this post was quite long, I really have only skimmed the surface. Writing this has triggered so many individual stories of people being passed out underneath the van in a dirty Florida street that it could end up being 30 more posts.

While on tour, I question my existence daily. I think I am wasting what’s left of my youth. I have no idea what I am going to do with my life. I feel old and young simultaneously. I have missed out on so many things by being gone. I haven’t had a relationship with a woman since 2004. I haven’t seen any episodes of Nip Tuck season 5. I can never keep up on Guiding Light or As the World Turns anymore because by the time I get home there are 10 new characters and 4 of my favorites have been replaced by even shittier daytime actors than the original ones that I had come to enjoy. I don’t know what the hell is going on in my life. I force myself to be in love with someone at all times. I am lonely. I want people to think that I hate everything. I do know that I wouldn’t trade any of these daily thoughts or situations for anything because sometimes you realize how lucky you are. Sometimes all it takes is a little peek of Antarctic alien ass to realize that you are really part of something special.

Jim Jones Has A Cheetah Print Neck Pillow and Other Tales from Norway.

2007-09-10T00:51:00.000-07:00

Norway

We all readied ourselves for a crash landing. Here we were, thousands of feet in the air attempting to land at our Norwegian destination. There was just too much turbulence. We had to pull back up and try again. We all looked at each other in an “Almost Famous” type moment and just waited for someone to admit they were gay. Most people would have put their money on me spilling that; but I held out.

The small propeller plane was just being thrown throughout the air. Some people were praying, some people were clutching the seat in front of them, and others just buried their head in their hands. What was looking to be the last day of my life, turned out to be the greatest.

We eventually got the plane safely on the ground and boarded a shuttle to take us to the festival we were scheduled to play. We had been in Europe for over 2 weeks and played some of the biggest festivals that every country had to offer. We had played in front of hundreds of thousands of people and performed alongside: Ozzy, Korn, Megadeth, Motorhead, Converge, Unearth, Dropkick Murphys, Cannibal Corpse, Sick Of It All, As I Lay Dying, Mastodon, Machine Head, Black Label Society, Slayer, Suicidal Tendencies, Type O Negative, Life Of Agony, Velvet Revolver and countless others.

I had asked our sketchy German Tour Manager, Schlumpf (see previous entries), who was on the festival and he told me “Its just a bunch of bands who I have never heard of with names I can’t pronounce.” I just assumed they were all insane Norwegian Black Metal bands, who are into: severed pig heads, makeup, church burnings, black denim, and white Zack Morris era Converse high tops. I don’t mind any of those things separately, but I just wasn’t stoked to have them all in the same place on the same day when I am already in jail…a.k.a.: Europe.

We got to the hotel and our artist representative was there to meet us. She was looking over our schedule for the day and giving us our instructions. Looking over her shoulder (because I like to eavesdrop and be nosy about EVERYTHING that doesn’t directly concern me) I saw the artists set to appear for the day:

Jim Jones & Juelz Santana

Ludacris

Chamillionaire

Papoose

Wait! These were the “bands” that Schlumpf couldn’t pronounce? Are you fucking kidding me? Hatebreed is playing with the Harlem Diplomats in Norway?

I rushed to the fairgrounds to count in our merch and catch the events of the day. Papoose was scheduled to play at 3:30 but of course didn’t make it onstage till well after 4. Jamey and I were convinced he wasn’t showing up. He proved us wrong and more importantly, he proved to be a legitimate performer. He went through some of his mixtape standouts and then did 4 songs off of Nacirema Dream. Is that thing ever coming out? Im sure it will be out the same day as Cuban Linx II, Chinese Democracy, and The Greatest Story Never Told.

I was raised on such Texas rap pioneers as The Geto Boys and U.G.K. When the new wave of Texas rap erupted, I liked Slim Thug and a few of the others but slept on Chamillionaire. In a live setting, the dude seriously gets BUSY. He was NOT playing over a vocal track, he was performing whole songs, and he was working the crowd. This wasn’t a local gig for him…we were in fucking Norway, and he had every pale faced individual there claiming to ride dirty.

After Chamillionaire, Chris Bridges came out and broke into “#1 Spot”. A spot he has some credibility in claiming. He outshined everyone on the day. Ludacris has 5 albums out, with at least 3-5 hits per record. Needless to say, his set was packed with crowd favorites. I had to leave midway through his set to catch Hatebreed who was playing on a different stage.

Hatebreed hadn’t played Norway in over 5 years and we were all a bit worried about what was to come. 5 minutes before set time, which was well after Midnight, there was only 100 people in front of the stage. However, the second the band broke into “To The Threshold”, thousands of people had made their way over, to give the band one of their best responses of the tour. Afterwards, I think some of the kids were mistaking Jamey, Sean, Matt, Chris, and Frank for Paul, John, Ringo, George, and um…well…um; Jordan Knight because people were screaming and almost fainting when they went to meet all the fans.

After the set, I ran across the fairgrounds to catch Juelz and Jim who were set to go on at 12:30. It was well after 1 a.m. and no one was onstage. Jamey and I ran backstage and saw Jim Jones surrounded by an entourage exclusively fitted in ill fitting white t’s. If this was 2005, the ill fitting t’s would have touched their knees; but in 2007 the ill fitting t’s wouldn’t fit an anorexic gap model. Quite the turn of events. We had a video camera running and the gaggle of security gave us some dirty looks as they walked past. Jamey yelled, “Yo Jim!, It’s Jamey from Hatebreed.” Jim was at the steps to walk on the stage and turned around and gave us an even dirtier look. He took a few steps forward and said, “Did somebody just say Hatebreed?” He rockegnized Jamey and gave him some dap and then looked at me and said “ Is this your people?” When Jamey told him I was cool, Jim shook my hand.

Jim Jones shook my fucking hand…in Norway! Ha! I’m not some casual fan of “We Fly High” nor am I claiming to be down since Jimmy appeared in Cam’s “Horse and Carriage (with that white suit and amazing straightened hair),” but Jimmy is someone I definitely look up to and consider superhuman. He is one of the most exciting and quotable people in hip hop today. I remember first seeing the video for “Certified Gangsters” in 2004 on late night BET and being blown away. Since then I have given my life and money to the ‘Set and never looked back. Now, I am standing with Jim seconds before he is about to go onstage!

Jim looked into our camera and said “Yo, its your boy, Jones, New York’s rider man, One Eye, Capo Status, Mr. New York City, and whatever other nonsense Jimmy blabs before he spits a 16 and shouted some more nonsense about being down with Hatebreed (which he is through a few degrees of separation). Jamey and I just looked at each other dumbfounded, and just like that Jim turned and made his way towards the stage as his intro music had been playing during this entire exchange. Jim once again made it half way up the steps and turned around and saw us still standing there. He waved both of his arms for us to join him. Do I still need to set this up for you, Jim Jones is inviting us to walk him onstage alongside his entourage…in Norway.

Unfuckingbelievable.

Jamey and I positioned ourselves on stage right and watched Jim break into “Crunk Muzik” as thousands of Norwegians lost their minds. Jim went into a few more songs before cutting them off after a couple of bars. By this point, I was in such shock that I had completely forgotten that Juelz was supposed to be up there as well. Moments later, Juelz comes onstage looking like a fake Jimmy; which means he was wearing an extra medium T-shirt, a large skull belt buckle, a diamond encrusted wallet chain, and skintight pants which still left his entire ass exposed. In other words, he could have passed as “euro-trash.”

Jimmy and Juelz alternated between tracks from their respective solo catalogues and performed some songs from Diplomatic Immunity I and II. Even though they were cutting songs in half and performing over tracks over their own voices, the entire 45 minute set was surreal. They finally broke into “ Gangster Music“ and abruptly walked offstage, leaving the crowd of 20,000 fiending for more.

A day that I wasn’t looking forward to ended up being one of the greatest of my life. A day where we almost died ended up being filled with life. To think, we owe it all to a former New York City drug dealer. Dipset Bitch!

European Tour Part I

2007-09-10T00:28:00.000-07:00

Can I bore you with stories of the Waterbury dirt mall, how confusing “Pirates III” was, why I have bought so many pairs of Air Jordans this year, a 10 hour flight to Copenhagen with no in flight movie, etc? There is truly no point. You know the drill by now.

We recently finished the Jagermeister and Monster Engergy Drink Present: Ladies night at the Monsters of Mayhem II tour Featuring: Hatebreed, God Forbid, Evergreen Terrace, Terror, The Acacia Strain, & After The Burial. It took us to some disgusting parts of the Midwest and Southern United States. The first 150 females over the age of 21 got in for free. Therefore, about 7 trolls and 2 hot chicks with boyfriends took advantage of this promotion everyday. It was just another tour, meaning that; it damaged personal relationships, forced me to not shower for days, and had me made me contemplate the rest of my life and how I am compromising whatever dignity I have left. Great times, plus Misha was there!

We are currently overseas performing at European Festivals. The first one was the Hultsfred Festival in Sweden. This thing was so fucking un organized that it made me yell at a sketchy German with a face tattoo. Sorry Schumpf! In retrospect, not a good idea!

We played on the first day of the fest and people were already disgusting! There was 30,000 people in attendance all camping out in little dome tents. By noon, people were covered in mud, missing shoes, and had written dumb things all over themselves in permanent marker. I am pretty positive these things are viewed like the prom to the Europeans, which means, a lot of people are fucking in those gross little tents.

Jamey and I wandered around the general population and scrounged up some Swedish Drones to purchase carnie vendor food. He just kept saying how sketchy the food was. That worried me because this is the kind of stuff that I eat everyday! We had hot dogs with garlic dressing which were put in a circular bun with a hollowed out center, disgusting cardboard pizza, hot donuts, and meat bread. Yes, meat bread. What is meat bread? Well, it is meat baked into bread.

I watched Converge and they were great once again. They mainly played selections off their last 3 albums but threw in ‘Forsaken’ for good measure. I then decided it would be a good idea to take a 4 hour afternoon nap.

I slept through Velvet Revolver, but got up in time to see Korn. Yes, Korn. They played songs from their entire catalog including, “I Did My Time”, “Got The Life”, “Somebody, Somewhere”, “Chutes And Ladders”, “Twisted Transistor”, “Falling Away From Me”, “Freak On A Leash”, and “Blind”. They only had 3 original members this time but had Joey from Slipknot filling in on drums.

Hatebreed went on at midnight. People were pretty dead at this point but still hung out late with America’s favorite hardcore band. Some of the Lamb of God guys showed up midway through the set w/ a member of Buske’s gang to catch the set. It was a huge party on the stage and a great way to close out the day.

After the show, Matt proceeded to get completely bombed and tell us about his personal favorite president, Franklin Delanor Roosevelt. Matt listed all his accomplishments, but failed to understand the relevancy when I asked if FDR enjoyed the company of naked ladies.

After Sweden, We flew into Finland to play a small show with Velvet Revolver and Patti Smith. Seriously.

On Sunday morning, we flew into the Netherlands and met back up with our bus. We arrived to the fields of rock festival pretty late due to all of our early morning traveling.

The lineup to the festival was insane! Backstage, I ran into Ozzy Osbourne, Munky and Fieldy of Korn, Slash, Life of Agony, Peter Steele (who looked taller than he did in PLAYGIRL), Dave Mustaine, Rob Flynn, Mike Clark (Suicidal Tendencies), Evan Seinfeld, Mikkey D from Motorhead and countless others. It was a pretty wild time. Frank actually got kicked out of the bathroom so Slash could take a shit by himself.

Before the show, Jamey and I talked about Biohazard for 2 hours. We talked about the oft slept on classic, New World Disorder and the 2 banger ballads that said disc contains. We started listening to Ill Blood by No Warning. Man, if the tail end sing along of track 4 doesn’t get you fired up; you aren’t alive.

I got to see Suicidal Tendencies for the first time in 9 years and they were great. The crowd was dead for them and Hatebreed, but I assume the masses in attendance were completely baked on hash.

Later on Zakk Wylde (Yeah, that Zakk Wylde) came on our bus and woke Wayne up by kissing him. Zakk is Wayne’s favorite guitar player of all time, so it was very cool to see it all go down.

Zakk said that he knows Hatebreed thinks he plays “piano Elton John shit” but he respects them and referred to our tour bus as a “box of sexiness.” Alcohol is one hell of a drug.

Destroy Everything - April 29th & 30th

2007-05-17T23:14:00.000-07:00

Tel Aviv, Israel

The above isn’t a typo. We really went and played a show in Tel Aviv.

After Groezrock, we quickly went to a hotel and showered. The water that was building up in the shower was black and disgusting from all the dirt that had settled on our bodies throughout the day. We then immediately drove to Germany to board a plane to Israel.

It was 6 am and none of us had slept yet. What should you do in this situation? FIND A MCDONALDS! The golden arches had never shined brighter than they did on this fine morning. What is a good thing to eat at this hour? A fucking Mc-Rib. It’s back my friends. I normally hate McDonalds but nothing makes you feel more at home (for better or worse) than a microwaved artificial pork sandwich. God Bless America. Shame on Germany for their constant need to charge you for dipping sauces, though…

Touching down in Israel was a surreal experience. Applause rifled throughout the plane. You could tell that many passengers had been waiting their whole lives for this moment. There hadn’t been one day on this tour that Israel had not been mentioned and playing this show had really split the band. Some were excited and some were very upset but one thing that united us all was that NO ONE knew exactly what to expect.

We were greeted by the promoters of the show and they picked us up in 2 mini-vans. They were definitely younger than expected one of them was wearing a Terror shirt. I was scared to wear my “Peace in the Middle East” shirt, but a local was wearing a shirt that said TERROR on it? Amazing. Sitting in the back of the van, I saw palm trees, sunshine, and a beautiful cityscape. This is Israel?

We got to the hotel and I turned the TV on and they had American Vh1 and MTV. It was wonderful to be watching trash TV in a war torn country. Who doesn’t need to know about the 100 Sexiest Celebrity Hook-Ups?

I roomed with Wayne and we contemplated going to sleep (since we still hadn’t) for the 2 hours we had before load in, but we decided against it. I normally never venture outside of the club, but I realized that today was special and I really needed to take part in what was going on.

Our hotel was one block away from the Mediterranean Sea. It was gorgeous outside and the scenery was equally impressive. One thing we noticed was that people were just living their lives. A guy walking his dog, a fat girl with a Mohawk, people hanging out on the beach, it showed us how normal these people were. It was Sunday and we just imagined people being pissed that they had to go to work the next day. It was so far removed from what I had envisioned. By the beach there were memorials that detailed the history and struggles of the country’s people. That is when it really started to hit us. These people have been through so much. Not just what went on during the last one hundred years ago, but what they are going through now.

After my 2nd McDonalds visit of the day, We met the promoter to take us to the club. I told him how impressed I was with the country. I explained that all we see in America are bombings and war. He told us that is why it is so important for him to do this Hatebreed show, because people truly have to live each day as if it is their last. He said he never knows when it will all literally all explode.

The promoter explained to us that everyone has to enter the military for 2-3 years (depending on sex) upon their 18^th birthday. He told us that in a time of crisis ANY former member of the military may be called to active duty. Meaning, if Israel goes to war this summer, there is a good chance that the promoter of the show and many people attending it would be called upon to serve and probably die for their homeland. This show really was important and it meant something to these people that we cared enough about them to be there.

The club was dirty, dangerous, and amazing. It had multiple levels to it and looked like it would be in a movie. This was the kind of place Hollywood would have you believe all shows took place at. A huge cross section of people came to the show. Punks, Skinheads, Metalheads, Hardcore kids…you name it, they were there. No one here was too spoiled to miss the show. This was an event. This was a celebration of life.

All night kids would come up to me and just ask me questions. They wanted to know my thoughts about their country, they wanted to hear about America, they wanted to know about George Bush, American hardcore, my thoughts on Metallica’s “Load”, and anything else you could imagine. I never felt more honored to share my opinions and experiences with anyone.

The show was an afterthought at this point, but it was a fucking RAGER! Kids knew the words to every song and sang them until their voices gave out. I met some great people, and no one in the band or crew left that club the same way we entered it. We might have needed Israel more than it needed us.

We went back to the hotel and ate some great hummus before going to sleep for a few hours.
We were in Israel for 12 short hours before we were back in the familiar customs line at the airport. We once again got interrogated, but after 4 security checkpoints, we made it through.

The plane ride to NYC was just your typical 12 hour fare. So, it fucking sucked! I was in the middle seat and the woman next to me puts her seat all the way back before we even take off. The couple behind us were none too pleased. The man got up and reached over the woman sitting next to me and put her seat up. Then the woman next to me put it all the way back again. This brought the flight attendant over and he put her seat back up. This led to all 4 individuals standing up and screaming at each other in Hebrew. We hadn’t even taken off yet!

The band and I were definitely the only Americans on the flight. Everyone on the plane appeared to have never flown before. The fasten seat belt sign meant nothing to these people. The restrooms said OCCUPIED during takeoff. Sure enough, once we were coasting in the sky, someone exited the toilet. Takeoff is probably pretty interesting when you are sitting on an airplane shitter.

I couldn’t fall asleep with the woman next to me speaking jibberish and constantly elbowing me, so I watched 4 movies, including The Queen, The Pursuit of Happiness, Eragon (unwatchable), and Hollywoodland. The Kosher meal was disgusting and getting off the plane couldn’t come soon enough. During landing, someone got up just to throw something away. Lord knows you can’t land when someone is holding a piece of paper.

The strange behavior of the passengers on the airline spilled over to the baggage claim. This was easily one of the best parts of the entire tour. The customs line was so long that people’s bags kept continually going around the carousel. They started to pile up and bags began sticking out and clipping people standing close to them. They bags would then tumble off to the ground. We would run over and pick them up and just heave them on top of the already high piles. People noticed our aggressiveness and asked us to retrieve their bags for them. We were jumping on top of the carousel and grabbing people’s bags. When we would get our own we would throw them on the ground just to make a scene. Hey, it was a 12 hour plane ride; we needed something to get excited about. We were being loud; cheering on people who were getting their bags and yelling at others for grabbing the wrong ones. People were bumping into us and running our feet over with their luggage. Well, they were running over our feet until Beattie started kicking their bags. I guess nobody understands his humor.

At this time I looked over to notice Wayne was still carrying a strange looking object with a garbage bag wrapped around it. Wayne carried this Dimebag Darryl guitar for the entire tour. Jamey gave it to him at the airport on the first day to hold for him. Jamey needed to paint it for an auction, so he brought it with him to paint in his free time on the tour. Needless to say he never once touched the thing and Wayne was stuck with it for over 2 weeks. Wayne always gets the short end of the stick, but he is quitting to work for Rihanna, so fuck him anyways.

After a successful 17 day tour in multiple foreign countries, that included so many moments that will stick with us all for the remainder of our lives, we walked away into the sunset. Well, Frank and I actually just walked a mile to a different terminal with our luggage, re-checked it in and waited 3 hours, only to board another flight to reach our final destination of Cleveland...but it seemed like sunset nonetheless.

Destroy Everything - April 28th

2007-05-17T20:31:00.000-07:00

Belgium

Happy Birthday Kyle Sinkler.

I woke up to horns blaring at us in Belgium. Jerry Don’t had the bus blocking an entire street. The day before in London, Jerry turned around in the middle of the highway (which took 15 minutes…seriously, and resembled the scene in the first Austin Powers involving the golf cart) and blocked traffic coming from both ways and hit a building and fucked the trailer up in the process. A city bus driver got out and was yelling at him…so Beattie got out and threatened him. The English do not seem to understand Beattie’s humor.

We got out of our 2^nd traffic pickle in as many days and headed to the Groezrock Festival. I was very excited for this show. It was sold out with more than 10,000 people in attendance and had some cool bands playing alongside Hatebreed. Terror, Converge, Ignite, Rise Against, The Lost Prophets, Jimmy Eat World, Tiger Army, Strung Out, and many others all played throughout the day.

The fest was held in a 2 tents in the middle of a dirt field. DUST WAS EVERYWHERE! It looked like a mushroom cloud of smoke, and I am sure it was good to be inhaling it all day. Well I guess it couldn’t be worse than the 2 cartons of cigarettes I have inhaled everynight at every single show. Thanks Europe. It was definitely a black booger day.

It was nice to be so far from home and run into friends in the bands and crews of Terror (yes Misha and Fat Jugs were there), Tiger Army (what up Albert?), Converge (How great is Nate?), Ignite (I don’t know them but their new album is awesome), etc. etc. etc.

I was happy to catch up with all the entire Terror family….even Misha. Buske left 2 pairs of shoes, and his stage clothes at a venue. He then bought a pair of shoes to replace the others, and left those at a venue too. All he had left to wear were sandals. “How is the king of NY rocking sandals with jeans?” Some bands borrow heads or cabinets everyday to play their set…To play his set, Buske has to seriously borrow someone’s shoes!

Frank and I had been keeping up on Terror’s European exploits through their video updates (available here). Needless to say; they could have filmed a lot more footage at this show with their actions.

I was swamped all day, but I managed to watch a few songs from Converge, Terror, and Ignite. Every band was absolutely inspiring. The energy and emotion that they not only bring but evoke from their fans is breathtaking. Converge’s live set has completely evolved. They played with a new tightness and urgency. Every member was doing something completely different than the other, making it impossible to focus on just one thing. Terror brought out true aggression in people and had them climbing tent poles and jumping off them onto the sea of heads below. Ignite probably had people in tears, because the audience was hanging on every word out of Zoli’s mouth and singing it back at a deafening level. Hatebreed did what they always do…DESTROYED! Standing on that stage sporadically throughout the day and witnessing 4 honest and completely different sounding bands deliver such important messages definitely gave me goosebumps. Yes, Scott Vogel, “It’s good to be alive.”

So After the show, Terror continued to get completely drunk (sans Nick Jett: ex. Carry On). They pulled down a 10 foot tall inflatable Jagermeister bottle and jumped on it like it like it was a trampoline. Later, someone said something out of line and BIG DOUG hit him with a Weber grill over the head! OUCH! Doug had to hideout because the police were there in no time. Thankfully, he reconnected with Terror later and everyone was ok…except for the guy who got hit in the head with the Weber grill.

Destroy Everything - April 25th, 26th, & 27th

2007-05-13T11:12:00.000-07:00

Stoke
Newport
London

The Stoke and Newport shows were held in VERY small rooms that no one could believe Hatebreed would be playing. There was no barricade and they held around 400 people max. I would have killed to have seen the band in such an intimate setting. Well, I guess I did see them in that setting but I was dealing with people asking for the "black" Hatebreed shirt when the band was playing.

Wayne never understands why I am so mean to people. I had to explain to him that people just pointing and saying, “That one,” is like me walking into Wendy’s and saying, “I want to eat!” Listen, I need a value meal number and your side dish / beverage choice. Oh, and how the fuck am I supposed to hear you when “Doomsayer” is being blared in all of our eardrums?

Too bad I was in cotton purgatory because the last few shows compelled me to mosh and stage-dive. Well, maybe not mosh…have you seen people mosh lately? It’s disgusting.

I saw a skinhead today in a Norma Jean shirt. That was creepy.

Our bus driver wears Lancer shirts and we caught him watching a Hitler documentary.

Jamey has brought some interesting new moshcalls to this fair land, such as; “Put your cigarette out and get in that pit.” People even smoke in the Laundromat over here. Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of cleaning your clothes? Dumb.

Someone just told me they are going to see the Spudmonsters in Cleveland. Wow, people over here are DEFINITELY 10 years behind. (On a side note; you should go to the show because RINGWORM & WISDOM IN CHAINS are opening.)

Before the London show, the band was scheduled to play live on the air for the Legendary BBC. It was surreal walking through the same hallways as, EVERY FAMOUS MUSICIAN...EVER. While they played, I sat in a waiting room with some young women on their lunchbreak They were watching an Austrailian soap opera that Kylie Minogue got her start on. It seemed pretty addicting. I am glad I don’t live there; it would just be another effeminate program that I would get addicted to. Up next came, Diagnosis Murder. Once again, people over here are 10 years behind. I took that opportunity to lay on a leather couch and go to sleep.

I think the only thing they are ahead on over here is admitting that all it takes to be famous is having huge tits. I love opening a standard newspaper and seeing unsheathed bosoms. Every magazine has topless women in it. It’s fantastic. Why lie and say, "so and so is such a humanitarian, or a great thespian, a great singer…." ,everyone knows broads are just famous because of their massive tits. Cheers.

The final UK show was a special show. It was held at Barfly in London. The band played to over 1,000 people on their last London visit. Today would be a bit different. The barfly has a max capacity of 150. They actually sold 250 tickets to the show, and mayhem ensued. Satisfaction is the Death of Desire was played in it's entirety in order.

Everyone in attendance, including the band really took something away from this show. I took away that I am sick of looking at tribal sleeves.

Playlist:

Betrayed – Consequence

Champion – Come Out Swinging

Destroy Everything - Tuesday, April 24th

2007-05-13T11:08:00.000-07:00

Portsmouth

The bus was parked at a D-Day museum when we awoke. Beattie, Wayne, and I once again ventured out into the town. We saw a few huge dogs and a couple lesbians. We ate at a fake Americana styled restaurant that had terrible food. They did have ZZ-Top and Kiss murals on the walls though.

The show was easily the best one of the tour. Legendary guitar tech, Morretti came down to the show to hang out. He had an off day from Juliette and the Licks and was nice enough to bring us some inter-dimensional humor.

The last few days we have been hanging out with Moshachusetts openers, The Acacia Strain. The muscle-bound, “dude” saying, guitar player is amazing. He is a stereotypical jock movie character. The guy parties too. It will be fun hanging out with them on the upcoming U.S. run. I still don’t know his name. A few years ago I called him, “Murder Neck,” because he has a tattoo that says “murder” on…well, his neck. Now I just call him the “muscle-bound, “dude” saying, guitar player.

Destroy Everything - Monday, April 23rd

2007-05-13T11:04:00.000-07:00

Brighton

The show was on the legendary Brighton Beach Boardwalk. We got there early and a few of us walked around. It was a dreary day, which made the mist coming off the English Channel that much more interesting to look at. In the distance we could see all of the old rollercoasters and other random amusement park rides of yesteryear.

I got to take a freezing cold shower, which would be great if I was trying to jerk off. I wasn’t. I didn’t realize until a few days later when the same thing kept happening to me, that you have to pull a string hanging from the ceiling to activate the hot water heater. Every shower that I have taken over here has made me feel more disgusting then when I entered it.

The UK may as well be Europe; because everyone smells over here, myself included.

Mickey Fitts came to the show and I got to talk to him for a while afterwards. That man has been a skinhead longer than I have been alive. It was definitely a surreal experience for me to sit there and shoot the shit with him about a myriad of subjects including our upcoming trip to Israel (as the Business had recently played there). He assured me that you CAN eat bacon there and drink beer. He promised that the girls were some of the most beautiful he has ever encountered. What a buzzkill! I had just been planning on getting blown up.

It was St. George’s Day and Frank definitely acted like a local and got completely BOMBED. He ended up leaving the parked bus at one point and we were worried he wasn’t going to make it back for bus call; if at all. Jamey got in a girl’s car and was driving on the wrong side of the road; well the wrong side in the UK at least, and was screaming Frank’s name out the window like he was a dog. 3 hours later Frank came stumbling home.

Destroy Everything - Sunday, April 22nd

2007-05-13T10:58:00.000-07:00

Oxford

Although Liverpool described Oxford as “prissy college boys”, they showed up in force and went off. The club was disgustingly sweaty and there was a fire evacuation at the end of the show. The band played for an hour and a half and everyone had a good time. This was a show that I would have liked to have been at as a fan. Sometimes you lose sight of how lucky you are and what exactly it is that you are doing. Hearing songs that I grew up on, being played in a foreign country, in a room of excited kids, definitely helped me get a grasp on how fortunate I am.

Playlist:

Redman – Red Gone Wild (Thee Album)

Kreator – Pleasure To Kill

World Collapse – Deutschland, Deutschland…

Bane – Give Blood

Cannibal Corpse – Tomb Of The Mutilated

Various tracks from: Side by Side, L.I.O.N. Crew, Sick Of It All, Reach The Sky, Ghostface Killah, Outkast, Three 6 Mafia, Killswitch Engage, etc.

Destroy Everything - Saturday, April 21st

2007-05-13T10:54:00.000-07:00

Liverpool

This tour should be called the truck stop tour, because everyday Jerry has us parked at one when we wake up. I had not showered since the off day in Exeter, so I begrudgingly used one at the gas station. GROSS. Normally, I wear flip flops into the shower, but of course I forgot them. Hey, at least I remembered 5 different hats; those are sure coming in handy. There was long black hair and dirt everywhere in the shower and the water kept shutting off every 20 seconds. I felt dirtier on my exit then I did on my arrival. It’s hard being a pretty boy on tour with heavy metal bands. Hell, it’s just flat out hard being a pretty boy.

There was a huge soccer match that day and everyone in the immediate vicinity had their Liverpool jerseys on. I guess the team ended up winning; that might explain the drunken stupidity of the locals.

Beattie and I walked around the city for a while. There was a cool street fair going on and some neat buildings to view. We saw a large war memorial and some gigantic statues. It would help if I had a digital camera to document all of this, but I like to be 5 years behind with technology. I didn’t have a DVD player until last year; so a digital camera is just mind-blowing at this point. I walked into a few sporting goods stores on a Jordan hunt. Everything is extremely expensive here. Air Max 95’s are the U.S. equivalent of $240. If you wear those here, you are definitely flossing. That is the only flossing they are doing, because their teeth are obviously not important to them. On the way back to the club we saw some street mimes that Beattie threatened to punch. Another day at the office for him.

When we got to the venue, we found out that 30 Seconds to Mars was also playing in the upstairs portion of the club. That would explain the long line of fat girls with fishnets on, and the emaciated boys with fingerless gloves and eyeliner. I actually got to watch a bit of their soundcheck. Not bad. I like the new song they have out. Am I a fag? No. Bi? Maybe. Beattie wanted to ask Jared Leto if it was his idea to have cornrows in “Panic Room.” I guess it really annoyed him.

The show was the best one of the tour to this point and everyone left pretty happy. The shows over here normally only have 2 bands on the bill. If only the U.S. could take notice.

After the show, Sean and Frank went looking for doner kabobs. At the first restaurant they went to, a soccer hooligan with a gigantic scar on his face took Frank’s hat off and put it on his head. Frank quickly took it back and they walked out to try a different spot. At the second doner kabob stand, a 40 year old woman started lifting up Sean’s shirt and taking pictures of his backpiece with her camera phone. Sean turned around, put his middle finger directly in the woman’s face, and screamed, “And this is supposed to be where civilization began!”

The English are a strange bunch. Then again, so is my 11 year old Jewish cousin who rides “ponies”, dresses like the Easter bunny and celebrates Christmas.

Destroy Everything - Friday, April 20th

2007-05-13T10:51:00.000-07:00

Colchester

The show today was in a former church turned venue. It was definitely something to see. The band didn’t bring a backdrop on this tour, so a gigantic stained glass window served as one.

Frank has been asking everyone if they have gone “Number 3” lately. It is his way of giving a numerical value to the age old hobby of jacking off.

All we keep saying to eachother is “Pardon me Mum,” “Freshen your drink, govn’r?” and “Fancy a fuck?” all in our best English accents.

I know we are in ENGLAND and the language we speak is ENGLISH. Is this really how it’s supposed to sound? I can’t fucking understand a thing. Maybe I am just too distracted by everyone’s disgusting brown teeth that I am talking too.

Playlsit:

Ignite – Our Darkest Days

Clipse – Hell Hath No Fury

Destroy Everything - Thursday, April 19th

2007-05-13T10:49:00.000-07:00

Northampton

The drive was only supposed to be an hour, but we ended up driving for over seven. I woke up and we were in fucking London. I guess we had to go and get some new drum equipment that they messed up and didn’t include in the initial shipment. Getting incorrect or unusable gear seems to be the theme for the tour.

On our impromptu visit to London, we watched most of the episodes of “The Office” Season 2. Sean, a lifelong T.V. hater, actually enjoyed it! A tear came to my eye when Jim kissed Pam in the season finale. I guess it wasn't a good idea to stop taking anti-depressants after a strong 9 years of usage. Well, Jenna Fisher is definitely worth shedding tears over.

I don’t remember anything about Northampton. Who cares at this point? Every day is the same. You get up. You smell bad. You do your dumb job. A band plays. Kids act dumb. You break everything down. You go to bed. The life of a traveling rock circus.

Destroy Everything - Wednesday, April 18th

2007-05-12T10:10:00.000-07:00

Exeter

After sleeping for 3 hours, I got up, showered, and moved all of the band’s gear in the basement of the hotel with the help of original guitarist, Wayne. A runner was coming to take it to the venue, but he had a car smaller than a Mini Cooper and he expected to take all the gear and 8 dudes in it. Needless to say, he had to make 5 trips.

The bus was waiting for us at the venue alongside 2 new crew members. We have Mark from Germany and Chris from Belgium . Mark is Sean’s guitar tech and Chris is Matt’s drum tech. Mark is from Germany, is normally Caliban’s guitar tech and he is also known as Death Metal Dan. Why? Well because for an entire tour, Jamey thought his name was Dan and he wore a new death metal t-shirt everyday. Chris is from Belgium, sings for Do Or Die (as featured on the Eastpak Resistance Vol. 1 DVD), speaks fluent French and doesn't understand a word that I say to him.

Along with our new crew members, we got 2 new bus drivers! We had some weird skinny guy and Jerry Don’t. Jerry is from Germany and is the bastard son of a UK soldier. Seriously. He wears silver chains and sunglasses, hates sleeping in his designated hole, never actually sleeps, and doesn’t speak any English. He just looks at you and speaks in German. I guess I would do the same thing, except I don’t speak German. Jamey just calls him “Holy Shiznit Dog”; named after everyone’s favorite Myspace spam message.

The buses over here are drastically different than in America. The bathroom is actually right next to the steps and most members of the band and crew can’t even fully stand while they are using it. I guess that is why there has been piss covering every inch of the floor everyday since we have been on the bus. There are no front lounges and the back lounge is just 4 bus seats without a door. It is impossible to fit more than one individual in the hallway at a time, making for some interesting maneuvering when everyone is awake.

Nothing exciting, comical, or worth reporting happened at the big campus rock concert. After the show, I just collapsed in my brand new bunk. It was the earliest I have gone to sleep in years. Now, if only I could stick to this schedule, I may be able to get a regular job and act like a normal “bloke”.

Playlist :

Agnostic Front – Liberty And Justice

Destroy Everything - Tuesday, April 17th

2007-05-12T09:57:00.000-07:00

Exeter

Unfortunately, we had to leave Dublin. Once again, we had to do it early. Someone wanted me to momentarily hold on to a bottle of crazy Ukrainian whiskey, called "BLACK CARDINAL." Not thinking, I put it in my bookbag. I realized during the security checkpoint that what I had done was going to be a problem. I asked the woman at security if I could bring booze through. Of course, she said no. I jokingly said “Son of a bitch!” She got really pissed and yelled at me and told me that you have to be cordial at the airport. What? Didn’t the Irish fucking invent swearing?

The plane we rode on was a very small propeller plane. VERY SKETCHY! Do airlines ever give out anything for free anymore? You can’t even get coffee without paying for it. Dumb. When the plane first hit the runway during landing it did a nollie. EVEN SKETCHIER! Thankfully, we made it off in one piece and landed in Exeter, UK for our only OFF DAY of the tour.

The motel we were put up in was a very nice and small pub/restaurant/hotel combo. We had roommates again and today I was stolen by my friend and co-conspirator; Frank “3 Gun”. He, F.Sean Martin, and I walked around the town for a while. What a cool city! We had no idea what to expect, as the majority of us had never even heard of Exeter. It was filled with small shops of all kinds. I also realized that the local mall must have been running a sale on HUGE TITS, because every female in the city seemed to own a pair.

We ventured into a really cool underground (literally) bar/grill called Chaucer’s. It did share the last name as the author of “The Canterbury Tales.” I read that once when I was an English major in college. Did I get an English degree? No. Did I even graduate college? No. Why didn’t majoring in English work out for you, Kent? Well, I hated reading and I hated writing, so I figured that English might not be the way to go, and that is why I flunked out of college. Well, that was part of the reason...the other part was that I had a crazy girlfriend, insomnia, and got addicted to high speed internet porn.

I figured I should try something new and act like a local. Therefore, I ordered fish and chips. I had never had fish before in my life. I don’t really know what to think about it. I am almost 26; I just thought I should grow up a little. Sean and Frank were happy to witness a turning point in my life. Other things I don't like to eat: Lettuce (Gross! Who wants to eat crispy water?), tomatoes, mayonnaise, mustard, onions, olives, broccoli, carrots, cauliflower, cucumbers, and anything else remotely healthy.

Upon arriving back at the motel, I immediately passed out. I had been running off 3 hours sleep for the last few nights and something finally gave. I fell asleep from 5pm to 12am. I got up and tried to hijack a local internet connection. We had brief luck and I was able to update my fantasy baseball lineup, see who had won the Nascar Nextel Cup Race, and find out whom the Cavaliers would be playing in the first round of the NBA playoffs.

Jamey eventually came to our room, and we all watched the best kills from “Blood Sucking Freaks”. I became fascinated with the sadistic midget servant character, “Ralphus” and I did some quick research on him. He also starred in a series of pornographic films called: “Anal Dwarf”, and “Santa Comes Twice”. In addition to that he played an Ewok in “Return Of The Jedi.” Unfortunately, he died of a heart attack in 1988. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

None of us could sleep so we thought it would be a good idea to stay up until 7 a.m. when they started serving the complimentary breakfast. In reality it wasn’t that good of an idea.

Playlist:

Mariah Carey – Butterfly

Madonna – The Immaculate Collection

Cam’Ron – Killa Season (Step your game up, Cam)

Furious Styles – Life Lessons

Destroy Everything - Monday, April 16h

2007-05-12T09:48:00.000-07:00

Dublin, Ireland

I was able to sleep for 2 hours before we all met in the lobby. One of the Knight Rider leather coat wearing, weird guys who was hanging out with the show promoters went up behind Sean and started massaging him while speaking in his native tongue. It was mildly creepy.

We were definitely running late to catch our 6:30 a.m. flight. The lines at the airport were HUGE! They opened a gate, and everyone just barged in like it was Christmas time and Power Rangers were the “it” toy. We had to wait in another line, and just completely blew the counter girl’s mind when we told her we were checking 18 bags. People were opening up an instruction manual and making all kinds of phone calls to see what the policy exatly was. I think the policy ended up being, “Oh, most of them are American? Well, let’s just completely rip them off.” The airline was going to charge us 2,000 Euro for the weight overage. The guy then said he would only charge us 914 Euro, if we slipped him an extra 500 Euro under the table. Great racket this guy had going on, too!

The flight had a layover in Prague. I once saw a porno called, "Buttman joins Rocco in Prague." We were starved at this point, and sick of eating airline issued, rock hard, plastic wrapped croissants, so we went looking for something better. I don’t know if we found something better, but we did find a Kentucky Fried Chicken. WE WENT IN! I hadn’t eaten one thing since our Friday night meal, so I was definitely stoked to be eating anything, let alone something terribly American. How good are KFC mashed potatoes? Why does the Prague KFC charge you for ketchup? Why do they only allow you one dipping sauce? How are you a KFC that is anti-sauce? BOO!

We boarded our next plane, which was another 2 and a half hour flight. Yes, that is 14 hours in an airplane in 2 days. Exciting stuff. I was sitting next to Schlumpf and he started dissing me because I was listening to Mariah Carey and Madonna. That Mariah Carey and Cam’Ron collaboration off of “Butterfly” is fire.

Dublin, Ireland was absolutely BEAUTIFUL! This was my first visit there, and I definitely want to go back. There was a 16 year old blonde girl with braces that was flashing her friends a good amount of her cleavage. Obviously we proceeded to give her really creepy lurker looks. I think she liked the array of 35 year old sketchy tattooed men staring at her. All women have a convict fantasy. We got picked up in a nice tourist styled bus. This thing was amazing! Too bad we only got to ride in it for 10 miles! Every seat had an individual air conditioning unit. Why can’t a tour bus even have working air conditioning half the time?

The hotel was an old fashioned 5 star hotel. The band doesn’t normally share rooms, but due to budget reasons they did on this day. I was kidnapped by Sean and we went up to view our room. We were definitely quite upset to find out that there was no air conditioning in the room. That bus ride definitely spoiled us! It was sweltering hot, but we managed to find some small fans to fill the room.

Immediately I had to walk to the club with Wayne and Schlumpf, to see exactly what we were dealing with. The club was a cool 600 capacity room with a balcony. Of course, I hadn't received any of the merch yet. Therefore, I walked back to the hotel room and slept on my bed, which was the equivalent of a jail cot, until it arrived.

None of the merch was right. All the shirts looked like they were bootlegged. It’s fun trying to deal with all this stuff in a foreign country. The Acacia Strain arrived as they will be playing the majority of the United Kingdom shows with us. Frank and I toured with them when we were in the Terror van a few years ago so it is always nice to run into past tour mates again. Ok, it actually isn’t always nice. Some bands and people are just terrible and you never want to see them again. I became very good friends with the singer’s ex-girlfriend who was selling merch for them on the aforementioned tour. What up Sheri! Vincent doesn’t hate me! Well, maybe he does. I am also selling their merch for them. I think they got strong-armed into that one. Nice kids though, and I am glad to be with them during their first ever overseas run.

The rest of the show went off without a hitch and most in attendance seemed to have the time of their lives. Some guy kept showing pictures of him with the Latin/Metal band; Ill Nino. He was repeatedly pronouncing their name as ; ill Ni Nooooo . I kept saying, “Who?” I finally realized who he was talking about when every picture he seemed to show me featured his goofy self pictured next to some goofier guy with dreadlocks. Do you sometimes understand why I hate my life? Europeans are a minimum of 10 years behind the United States.

Sean and I stayed up pretty late talking about our various degrees of wiggerdom and the other styles we have fused it with. We discussed, “Repo Man Wigger,” “Gap Gangster,” “Hunting Wigger,” and “WorkWear Wigger.” Sean also expressed the hurt he is feeling over Frank becoming significantly more white by endorsing Nascar. He promised to have a talk with him.

Discussions eventually led to where all good discussions go; The Insane Clown Posse. We were getting delirious by this time and eventually fell asleep with the pleasant pictures of a huge pant wearing, bowl cut rocking, Twiztid hockey jersey sporting, mall rat degenerates who are down with the clown. America rules.

Destroy Everything - Sunday, April 15th

2007-05-12T09:43:00.000-07:00

Kiev, Ukraine

I woke up, well actually, I didn’t fucking sleep…so I got up, and the techs and I headed to the club to set everything up. The room was HUGE! It would hold at least 8,000 people. The club was next to a gigantic stadum where the Scorpions once played to 100,000 people. Wow. I didn’t think anybody but Hasselhoff could pull those kinds of numbers in Europe.

Gamma Ray was onstage setting all their gear up. Anytime a band is running smoke at 10 am, it’s a bit much. Who is Gamma Ray, you ask? Gamma Ray features ex members of Helloween! Needless to say, they sucked. I helped Wayne set all his stuff up, because he was the only tech at this point of the tour. After that, we went to the back room, drank some Coke Light, and I took a nap on some rock hard chairs.

By the time Hatebreed took the stage, 2000 people had shown up. The room still looked a bit empty but the kids who were there definitely went crazy. There was at least 100 armed military police officers wearing red berets and aqua camo. Yes, the same camo Jean Claude Van Damme wore in Street Fighter: The movie! Oh wait, that movie was terrible, but at least it was better than Double Dragon: The Movie. Anytime kids would fall over the barricade, I say fall because there was no one on the other side to catch them, the armored security would beat them with nightsticks and throw them outside. It was definitely a tad sketchy, but "when in the Ukraine..."

The room was split down the middle with a T-Barricade. These became popular at larger events after a bunch of people died at a Limp Bizkit show from overcrowding. It’s hard to believe a Limp Bizkit show would be overcrowded, but throughout history people have consistently demonstrated a taste for all things terrible. How great is that “Break Stuff” song, though? “It’s just one of those days where you don’t want to wake up, everybody sucks, blah blah, and you want to justify ripping someone’s head off.” Genius. Wayne was in a cover band called, Bent, after he quit Hatebreed, and they played that and other assorted Ozzfest classics of the late 90’s.

Because of the T-Barricade, there were 2 simultaneous pits going at all times. It definitely looked pretty cool from the stage. The band played an hour and 20 minute set with a lot of songs they haven’t played for a while.

Most people in attendance couldn’t even believe that Hatebreed was playing. A majority of “promoters” over there will advertise that certain bands are coming, sell hundreds of pre-sale tickets, and then have the show never happen. For a band to even show up and play in Kiev, was a great feat for the promoters and fans.

After the show, we immediately went back to the hotel, because we had to get up at 3:30 a.m. to catch a plane to Dublin, Ireland.

Playlist:

Bad Religion – No Control

Glassjaw – E.Y.E.W.T.K.A.S. / Worship And Tribute

50 Cent – Get Rich Or Die Trying

Earth Crisis – Destroy The Machines / Firestorm Demo

Destroy Everything - Saturday, April 14th

2007-05-12T09:38:00.000-07:00

Kiev, Ukraine

We landed at 7 am Ukrainian time, which is midnight EST. We had to wait in a sketchy customs line and fill out a sketchier immigration form. It looked like it was a photocopy of a photocopy. None of us filled it out right, and the Ivan Drago looking dude behind the glass wasn’t too thrilled. We eventually made it through and were greeted by the promoters of the EXTREME POWER FESTIVAL which we would be playing the next day.

They drove us through the heart of Kiev and dropped us off at our hotel. We each got our own room which was furnished with amazing Three’s Company décor. I tried to watch TV, but everything was obviously in a language I couldn’t begin to comprehend. Flipping through the channels, I heard someone singing in English. It was actually a Robbie Williams video, but it wasn’t even the one where he tears his own flesh off, which made it not worth watching.

I eventually fell asleep and got up 7 hours later. I wandered into the hotel lobby and met Matt, and Wayne. They were planning on going to a local restaurant that was feeding all the bands on the festival. Sean’s room was the only room number that I could remember, but I wasn’t even sure if I was remembering it correctly. I didn’t think we should leave without him, so I went up to what I thought was his room and lightly knocked. Then I lightly knocked again, and again. I heard a grumbled “What the fuck!” and contemplated running down the hallway. I realized that it might have been better if I would have knocked on a door and had some gigantic sketchy Ukrainian come out, rather than an angered Sean Martin. When isn’t Sean Martin angered? He came to the door, and I asked him if he was sleeping. He said, “No, Kent the lights are just off and I’m wide a’fucking’wake.” I was still tempted to run down the hall at this point, but Sean decided to spare me on this day, and agreed to come to eat with us after he and I discussed how cool Redman is at age 37.

Our Ukranian escorts, not hookers; just dudes who worked at the show, walked us to the restaurant. One of them had a video camera and just was candidly videotaping us. I understand what he was trying to do, but it truly didn’t make it any less uncomfortable. Thankfully Sean yelled at the guy and he shut it off.

REAL escorts actually approached us in the restaurant, but we politely declined.

I made it back to my room and stayed up ALL night. It got pretty fucking boring in there, especially because I was watching CNN Worlwide for at least 5 hours straight. I can’t believe Prince William dumped his girlfriend. The media ruins another relationship. The only English people I really care about are S.A.S. (amazing in State Property 2), Posh Spice, David Beckham, and Katie “Jordan” Price, who is knocked up right now and looking like a blimp.

Destroy Everything - Friday, April 13th

2007-05-12T09:24:00.000-07:00

Airport

On Friday April 13^th, I flew to New York’s JFK airport from Cleveland to meet the band. My bag was already overweight. Yes, I pack like a girl. The guy at the counter said he would help me out if I helped him out. I offered him $7 and his face lit up. Great racket this guy had going on. Overweight baggage will be a theme.

I was quite happy to be leaving Cleveland because it had been snowing there for a week straight. Yes, It snows in April. Yes, that is dumb. Yes, my Jewish cousin had to cancel his Kosher Easter Egg Hunt. Yes, my Jewish cousin does own an Easter Bunny costume and was going to wear it for said hunt. Yes, that it is creepy. Kent, why don’t you tell us more about your personal life and your month and a half you just had off? Well, my life is somewhat boring and like any great reporter, I exploit other people, not myself.

I met the band and killed a few hours with them at the airport. It was nice to see everyone again, as I had been away from them since January 1^st. We briefly caught up, and I noticed that an unnamed member of our party absolutely reeked of urine and admitted to pissing himself in a drunken stupor the previous night. I noticed some strange yellow markings all over the side of his shirt. I am no detective, but I figured it out. Normally after I piss myself, I change my clothes. I am not here to throw anyone under the bus, unless you are Misha, so do your own deducting.

We boarded the plane and readied ourselves for the 9 hour ride that was about to begin. Ouch! We were all split up throughout the plane. I was fortunate enough to have an empty seat between me and the next person over from me. I was not fortunate enough to commandeer the entire vacant row in front of me like Jamey did. Dude was seriously laying down in coach. Normally, such strokes of pure luck are reserved for Terror’s Doug Weber. The two broken English speaking United States citizens next to me were anything but pleased with Jamey’s seating arrangement. They drowned their displeasure with a plethora of $5 bottles of airline vodka. More on them later.

The in-flight movie was “The Holiday” starring such celebrities as Jude Law, Cameron Diaz, Jack Black, and Kate Winslet. I always kind of thought Kate Winslet was sexy. Maybe it is because she shows her fire-crotch in the majority of films she appears in. Not in this one though, sorry. Cameron Diaz either looks completely haggard or drop dead gorgeous, and in this film, it was thankfully the latter. The movie was a bit different than your standard romantic comedy fare, and it almost made me shed a tear at the end. I was next to the weird Arab drunk guys though, and I thought they would clown me. The movie showed me that love is possible, despite the distance and differences that separate two individuals.

Ok, back to the two drunk guys. I don’t really know if they were Arabs. I do know that they were U.S. citizens that didn’t speak English. I also know that they got OBLITERATED for 8 straight hours on mini bar sized booze. When female flight attendants walked by, the older gentleman held his hands up and groped the air as if they were her breasts. That is something my dad would do, which doesn’t make it any less creepy/amazing. Later, they told a 60 going on 90 year old flight attendant that she was beautiful. She encouraged them to keep drinking. They heeded her advice.

Planelist:

T.I. - King

Lil Wayne – The Drought 3 / The Dedication 2

Devin The Dude – Just Tryin’ Ta Live

Desperate Measures – Never Enough Time / It’s On Our Hands

Day Of Contempt – The Will To Live

Cro-Mags – Alpha Omega (soon to be re-released on Reaper Records...) www.reaperhardcore.com

Season 2: Destroy Everything

2007-05-12T09:19:00.000-07:00

Like any great reality series or semi-reality blog series, Season 2 always has some character and element changes. I have been kidnapped by a different set of rockstars this time and we are taking our traveling freak show across the pond. This next series will Hatebreed and me, as we travel to the Ukraine, Ireland, United Kingdom, Belgium, and

Israel

Season 1 relied heavily on the hijinks of Misha, Buske, and Martin, and ignored the existence of everyone else in the band. Hey, when stars are developing, you have to run with it. I am unsure who will be prominently featured at this point, we will have to just wait and see who does the dumbest things first and then most frequently.

Character introduction is key to any new reader, so let me introduce the Cast and Crew of Hatebreed’s Destroy Everything UK 2007 semi-reality-blog:

Frank “3 Gun” Novinec – Frank is Hatebreed’s newest member, and resident rager. He earned his stripes by playing in 2 of the greatest Cleveland Hardcore bands ever; Ringworm and Integrity. He simultaneously worked at National Tire and Battery, evaded the IRS, sold weed, raised a child, and spent $10,000 on the 1996 Kiss reunion tour. Later, he joined America’s 3^rd favorite hardcore band; Terror. He is a personal hero and close friend.

Beattie – Some people are known by their last names only. They are mostly high school football players that push you into your locker. Beattie isn’t a high school football player, but he will push you into your locker.

Wayne Lozinak – Wayne is Hatebreed’s original guitar player (Demo, Neglect Split, Under the Knife) and now he is Frank and Beattie’s tech. Weird, right? Before Wayne started teching last summer, he owned and operated a coffee truck that preyed on weak minded individuals on their lunch break. Wayne has a tendency to get completely drunk with his Bridgeport, CT. brother, Beattie. This has ended in disastrous results, most notably, Wayne attempting to fight a gang of 10 Turks on the first day of Hatebreed’s fall Euro tour. When Beattie attempted to intervene, he had his wrist broken in the melee. Wayne was sent home from the tour, Carl from First Blood (ex-Terror/Sworn Vengeance) was brought in to replace Beattie. Wayne has since been forbidden to drink alcohol on tour and is now quitting Hatebreed to tech for Rihanna. You know, “S.O.S” Rihanna. Wayne is going from sweaty dudes to a ripe Barbados teenager. That my friends, is an upgrade.

Sean Martin a.k.a. F.Sean – Hatebreed guitarist since 1999. Sean has shown me that anything is possible. What other neckless, convict looking, hardcore guitarist gets into the rap game at age 35? Sean makes power moves, people. He is producing half of Cage’s upcoming album, owns Brass City Tattoo, and is the mastermind behind the heavily hyped bands; X.O. Skeletons and House of Blow (alongside Darryl Palumbo). Look for Sean to do big things in life and the Cockblockin’ blog.

Matt Byrne – Matt is an amazing human. Not only was he an ex-member of All Out War, he can sing Joe Walsh better than anyone except Joe Walsh. Matt is the king of harmonizing at the front lounge I-Pod party.

Jamey Jasta – What can be said? Jamey is an absolute mad scientist. Founder of Stillborn Records (who released Death Threat’s “Last Dayz”), Devastation Management, and well….Hatebreed. He has recently formed 2 side projects, Icepick (w/ Lord Ezec) and Kingdom of Sorrow (w/ Kirk from Crowbar), and is also the well publicized host of “MTV 2’s Headbanger’s Ball.” Jamey and I will be filming our new reality series; “Stillborn Records: The Condo” this coming fall.

Danny – Hatebreed’s European Soundman. Danny is one of the nicest humans ever and has done sound for Dropkick Murphys, Sick Of It All, Leeway, and Madball amongst countless others.

Marcus Schlumpf – Hatebreed’s European Tour Manager since their first trip in 2000. Marcus hails from Berlin, Germany, has face tattoos, and rivals Beattie and Sean in pure sketchiness.

Jedi Mind Tricks with Sean Price

2007-04-09T22:01:00.000-07:00

I ventured to the Grog Shop last Wednesday in an all out blizzard (yes, a blizzard in April; this is Cleveland, OH) for an evening of underground Hip-Hop that featured Jedi Mind Tricks with opening act, Sean Price.

Price started the night off by performing tracks from his newly released album, "Jesus Price Superstar," which is certified Platinum in the Terror tour tour van. He rapped alongside frequent collaborator, Rustee Juxx and they did all they could to get the crowd of 200 cold Ohioans warmed up from the weather outside and for Jedi Mind Tricks who would follow. Price would often stop the beat and rap A Capella which helped all in attendance see how complex his flows are, and how effortlessly he executes them.

I went to the show expecting Sean Price to wow me but it was Jedi Mind Tricks who really dominated the card. They were the headliner for a reason and they got everyone jumping and singing along immediately. Vinnie Paz was accompanied by Crypt The Warchild (1/2 of the duo; Outerspace as well as a member of the Hip-Hop super group; Army Of The Pharaohs) and they were a great tandem. They had such great chemistry, it appeared like they were a group themselves.

Rumors of a Terror and Jedi Mind Tricks U.S. tour have been circulating for some time, and this night showed me that this tour might just work. Everything that is present at a Terror show was present on this night. There were drunken idiots, people "moshing" (lollapalooza '92 style), girls beating up guys, guys beating up guys, bands stopping and threatening to beat up people who were beating up people, bands telling people to stop beating everyone up because they are the ones that get banned from every club and get the bad reputation from it. Wow, It was such deja-vu that at times I felt like I was back at work slinging cotton for America's 3rd favorite Hardcore band.

Jedi Mind Tricks performed material from the majority of their albums as well as a few tracks off of the recent Army Of The Pharaohs group release. A visibly intoxicated Sean Price even came out and did his guest verse that was featured on 2004's "Legacy Of Blood", although Price forgot most of the lyrics, it got the entire crowd and Vinny Paz laughing. After 1 encore and plenty of memorable moments, the show concluded around 2 a.m. Immediately following their set, Jedi Mind Tricks greeted the fans by the merch table and closed the night by drinking all the remaining alcohol in the bar.

300

2007-04-09T13:45:00.000-07:00

What can be said about this movie that has not already been said? The film lived up to the hype and is an absolute fanboy masterpiece. It has the requisite gruesome violence, wart covered inbreds, and Spartan era doggystyle sex that makes sitting in a theater for 2 hours enjoyable. I have seen the movie 3 times, in 2 different states, and once on an IMAX screen, which made Queen Gorgo’s tits appear bigger than my house. I must say though that the first time I saw the movie was the most enlightening, because after the movie had ended, the two young African-American gentleman sitting next to me exclaimed, “My Nigga Leonidas, was gangsta!” Indeed he was, fellow Countrymen, indeed he was.

Cockblockin' approved.

Mr. Slow Flow

2007-03-21T20:24:00.000-07:00

Evidence (of Dilated Peoples) just dropped his debut; "The Weatherman LP." It is definitely worth picking up. Here is the first video from the release:

http://www.myspace.com/evidence

Clipse - Rex Theater - Pittsburgh, PA - 3/1/2007

2007-03-13T21:54:00.000-07:00

It was such a low key event; that I had no idea that the Clipse were about to perform, until the lights came on and Pusha T and Malice were standing onstage in all their Bathing Ape and Ice Cream glory diving directly into “Momma, I’m So Sorry.” The Clipse don’t fear Tubbs and Crockett and neither did the Pittsburgh crowd of about 300 on this evening, as they loudly finished the chorus for the group.

After only 1 song, I knew that the Clipse were about to deliver the best Hip-Hop show that I have ever witnessed. No flashy lights, no annoying hypeman, no drawn out introduction; just 2 dudes, with 2 mics, giving a 45 minute intricately spit ode to cocaine.

The group focused primarily on their new "XXL rated" album, "Hell Hath No Fury." They did delve into some older material off of the "We Got It For Cheap" mixtapes and a few tracks off of their previous LP, "Lord Willin." They brought out Re-Up Gang member, Ab-Liva, to perform his verses on "Cot Damn" and "Ride Around Shining," the former being one of the best received songs of the evening.

They didn't spend too much time talking, but they did thank the fans who have supported their "Eastcoast lyric driven cocaine rap" throughout the years. They said Lil Wayne "wasn't shit" and called him a "kissing cousin" (due to his affinity for kissing his "father", Baby.) They also released a brief statement to their current record label by saying, "Fuck Jive!"

The set went by all too fast, but I was able to truly grasp what I was witnessing: greatness. I will stress again the simplicity of the performance, but that is what made it special, because these are two rappers who are not only great on wax, these are two people who haven't forgotten the long lost art of the Hip-Hop live show.

Setlist:

Momma I'm So Sorry
We Got It For Cheap
What Happened To That Boy?
Keys Open Doors
Pussy
Ride Around Shining (Feat. Ab Liva)
Cot Damn (Feat. Ab Liva)
Chinese New Year
Virginia
Grindin'
Wamp Wamp (What It Do)
Mr. Me Too

P.S. They didn't have merch. I had heard great stories about how they used to sell CLIPSE aprons at their shows. Wait, why would you need a CLIPSE apron? Oh, I get it!

"Creepin On Ah Comeback!"

2007-03-07T07:31:00.000-08:00

This year marks the major label return of Cleveland's biggest hip hop group, Bone Thugs N' Harmony, and a new album from the almighty Ringworm;Cleveland's longest standing hardcore unit. Both of these releases are equally important in the quest to make this city known as more than the "mistake by the lake."

Ringworm have never gotten the true respect that they deserve and have always lived in Integrity's shadow in the eyes of many. Unlike Integrity, Ringworm have NEVER put out a bad album, their last one actually contained moments of sheer excellence. Ringworm has been a band for the 2nd time longer than most bands are for the first time (9 years)! The Human Furnace is actually more evil than Dwid and has eaten his own dog's shit before. Frank "3 Gun" came back to help with the writing process for the new album and early reports say it sounds like Ringworm mixed with a heavy Suicidal Tendencies/Kreator influence! Ringworm will never be "jocked" and they will never sell a lot of records. What they will do is drink all of your beer, be the biggest cult band in hardcore, and continue to write modern crossover classics 16 years after their original incarnation first took the stage wearing John Wayne Gacy makeup. Look for their new album, "The Ninth Circle," on Victory Records this summer.

Bone Thugs N' Harmony have sold over 35 million records and won a Grammy Award in 1997. They need no introduction. Actually, they might! They have been out of the limelight for quite sometime and the only time you hear about them is when Bizzy Bone (no longer in the group) is on Texas radio speaking in tongues. Although the loss of Bizzy will certainly affect the group, Bone's are true pioneers of many of the styles of hip-hop that are in heavy rotation today, and here is to hoping they can once again make people take note of the Midwest.

Cockblockin' wishes both groups a successful 2007.

Below you will find the new music video of Bone Thugs N' Harmony's new single, "I Tried" that Universal Music Group doesn't want you to see...yet.

Terror Tour 2/17/2007

2007-03-07T07:12:00.000-08:00

Buske and I stayed at Martin’s and slept on the couch with his strange array of cats. He isn’t a “Cat Guy” yet, but he is close. My aunt is a “Cat Lady.” It’s sad that the only thing anybody knows about her is that she likes cats and alcohol and all her birthday or Christmas presents are restricted to those two categories.

My cousin got shot once and tried to cover it up to protect his friend (the shooter). My aunt was interrogating people, following people, showing up unannounced at homes, until she eventually found the shooter herself and got him arrested. She was on the local news and they called her, “Marshall Mom.” My cousin actually served more jail time than the shooter because he initially lied to the police and said "a black guy" did it.

All good things must come to an end, and on the 17th day of the 2nd month of the calendar year of 2007, The All For Revenge United States Tour did just that. The final show was completely sold out and held at the Showcase Theatre in Corona, CA. There couldn’t have been a better finale to a great tour.

War of Ages kicked off the show with some technical difficulties forcing them to play a short set. They will be back soon as part of the Facedown Festival at the Glasshouse. Terror can’t play at the Glasshouse. I’m surprised Terror can play anywhere with their past history of “riots” and their current trend involving Fat Jugs Hernandez threatening promoters and large security men at every other show.

Stick To Your Guns really showed that they are an on the verge of something major with their performance. The sing-along to the only Stick To Your Guns song that people know was DEAFENING.

All Shall Perish once again played over their set time. When Fat Jugs Hernandez went to rectify the situation, he was assaulted by their female stage potatoes. They threw him off the stage and repeatedly kicked him in the penis and testicles. When he went outside, more drama ensued. I am not really sure what happened because I was upstairs dealing with young, sweaty, impatient children attempting to buy concert memorabilia, but I heard it was quite interesting. In a Dekalb, IL barn circa 1991, “Mean” Steve Murad once said, “Equal rights mean equal lefts.” You can read Martin’s thoughts on the incident at www.guttermagic.blogspot.com.

I personally don’t have a problem with any bands with the exception of Chiodos and Trivium. I really don’t even have a problem with them, I just say it to look cool and make it look like I am involved in some sort of “rock beef”, in hopes that it will spike my own album’s soundscan when it drops. I didn’t mind anyone in All Shall Perish. I don’t really know what happened. The only thing that bothered me about them was that their guitar player took his guitar into a shopping mall and proceeded to play wailing solos in the food court. Seriously.

The Warriors played an inspired set that really got the crowd fired up. This band really grew on me throughout the tour and I expect big things out of them. I appreciate the fact that they really bring something different to the table yet are still undeniably hardcore. Everyone in the band looks completely different and appears that they should not be in a band together. It reminds me of high school when you would occasionally see a group comprised of jocks, burnouts, and preppy girls. What could possibly bring those groups together? Drugs, of course.

Marshall is a complete tweaker. He isn’t a tweaker in the traditional sense where he snorts homemade “Scat” from a pen and later uses it to thwart an alien attack, he is just a weirdo who has accompanying hand gestures for every statement he makes. His hand gestures remind me of an older kid on the back of the school bus trying to show a 7th grader how to properly fingerblast a girl. If he, Scott Wade, and Misha were ever drunk in the same room, my head would implode. Javier is a man-child with strange hair. They used to call Shawn Kemp a man-child when he first started in the NBA. Then his scoring average dipped while his illegitimate children average rose. Of course, that happened when he played for the Cleveland Cavaliers. Can Cleveland ever catch a break?

During Terror I realized that most people don’t know how to stage-dive. They get onstage and have to run all the way to the back of the drum riser to have a huge running start before they eventually jump. On their way, they always seem to knock into someone actually playing a musical instrument knocking it out of tune or breaking it. It's obviously not important for the band to actually be able to play, what sense would that make? I see why Frank 3 Gun always wanted to play with 15 foot barricades separating him from the animals. On this day some jack-off ran into Buske’s bass smashing it against the wall. Sick. All you need to do is get on stage, take one step, Jump and in midair twist your body. It's actually a pretty dumb thing when you think about it, so maybe you shouldn't even do it. You like a band, so you go to see a live exhibition of their music, you get so inspired by their rock songs that you stand onstage next to the band, and then proceed to jump off of the stage onto other concertgoer's heads. Yeah, weird.

The show ended, no one got beat up (except Fat Jugz, by 2 girls), and everyone had fun (except Fat Jugz because he got beat up by 2 girls). We loaded out, said our goodbyes to the bands we just toured with, and Buske and I headed back to Martin’s house for another night of cats, Celebreality, and high speed internet.

Terror Tour 2/16/2007

2007-03-02T00:02:00.000-08:00

I finally thought that I was going to wake up in the morning and not see Misha, but I wasn’t so lucky, as he arrived very early in the morning. When Buske used Misha’s own word on him and asked if the weather was “bomb” outside, Misha told us that “Weather can’t be bomb, only food can be bomb.” You truly do learn something new everyday.

We piled in the van and began the drive to San Diego. A few people made the drive down on their own, so the remainder of us got to spread out and enjoy the sweltering heat of van life in California without air conditioning. The ten hours I slept the night before wasn’t enough and I passed out for awhile.

I awoke to something very strange. We were stuck in traffic in California. Oh wait, that happens to everyone who lives there, everyday! This actually made us late for load in. It wouldn’t be Terror, unless we were fashionably late.

When we finally did arrive we got quite a surprise; Stick To Your Guns decided to play a show! We hadn’t seen them in over 10 days and they were now $13,000 lighter in the pockets after paying for a myriad of van repairs.

The show was COMPLETELY sold out and over 300 people actually got turned away. Buying a ticket in advance is a very new idea for a hardcore kid.

Soma was rocking from the very first note of Stick To Your Guns to the final second of Terror’s set. San Diego is Spanish for, “a whale’s vagina” and is a great place to play a show at or visit.

Martin, Buske, Catherine, and I made the drive back alone to Martin’s house in Whittier. Who is Catherine? She is Martine’s Canadian fiancée who flew in to spend some time with Martin before he departs for Australia. She is not just your ordinary Canadian fiancée; she is a French-Canadian fiancée with a tattoo that says, “Wiener (sic) Dog’s Rule!” You can only imagine the wacky hijinks that ensue between her and her African American counterpart. She is a curious little critter who tells me things like, “You had the chance to drain your balls yesterday.” La soupe est trop chaude!

Terror Tour 2/15/2007

2007-03-01T23:49:00.000-08:00

Immediately after the show, we drove straight to Los Angeles. Everyone really wanted to get home, and I can’t blame them. We drove the 6 hours through the night and ended up dropping everyone off about 8 in the morning.

I had these grand plans of going to the movies and getting all sorts of things accomplished before the show started. The only thing I actually got accomplished was sleeping for 10 hours on Scott’s couch and then going to a diner and seeing 2 transvestites. The one looked like “New York’s” Mom. Ever see that HBO show about Transsexual Prostitutes in Honolulu. Remember the blonde one? I so would.

We rolled up to the show and I was very excited that the Knitting Factory is located right by John Tesh’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. John Tesh composed “Roundball Rock” which served as the NBA on NBC’s theme song from 1993-2002 and had the best on screen chemistry with Mary Hart on Entertainment Tonight than any other host since. Bob Goen and Mark Steines are mere imposters to Tesh’s throne. Www.Tesh.com

The show was in the smaller room of the Knitting Factory, which is the ONLY L.A. club that Terror is allowed to play at, thanks to a mild “riot” at the Whiskey in 2004. The smaller room holds around 400 and the show was SOLD OUT! 250 some people got turned away. However, Misha ran some scam that got 100 people in and he made over 100 dollars. What a shithead. You can’t deny his entrepreneurial spirit though. The show that was in the big room only had about 50 people in it. Awesome.

Los Angeles was definitely in the house and represented hard. No real drama to speak of, and 1,000 stagedives later, the show ended a complete success.

During the show, I was very busy and hated everyone. I talked with some “acquaintances” and made a pact to marry a young lady if I wasn’t hitched by the time I was 30. These are the kind of things that go through my head at work / on tour. Everyday I get up and hope to somehow have an epiphany that will steer me on the correct path through the remainder of my life. I’m still waiting for that vision, until then I guess I will just have to sleep a lot and continue being a personal assistant to Frank 3 Gun and Martin Stewart.

A separate young lady thought that I was hitting on her just because I asked her if she was attracted to me and she told me I was coming on too strong. I really wasn’t hitting on her; my self esteem is just so despairingly low that I seek out anyone, including complete strangers, to pay me insincere compliments to help me feel better about myself.

Buske and I went and stayed at Nick’s house for the night. I took apart the couch and found a grape in it. Gross. I hate fruit.

Terror Tour 2/14/2007

2007-03-01T23:44:00.000-08:00

A few of the guys stayed out VERY late and didn't go to bed at all the previous night. Nick Jett was one of them, but we still let him drive. Terror really does not care about being alive. It was quite apparent that we weren't going to make it through the mountains in one piece, so Martin and I acted weird and moved into the driver and passenger seats instead of sleeping the ENTIRE ride like we normally would.

We drove through some beautiful country and had a great bonding experience together. I'll get gay; Martin is a great guy and I am glad that he and I have become such close friends. Carl was my personal anchor in 2004-2005 Terror, and Frank has always been a great friend to me and was responsible for me touring with the band in the first place. I wasn't sure how I would feel without them in the band. Martin and Buske, although totally different people, have really come in and made an impact in my life and with Terror, and I love them both.

Martin and I got to see some great scenery (really getting gay) on the drive from Portland to Northern California and we listened to Nitro, Dimmu Borgir, Vision of Disorder, Behemoth, Kamelot, and Warzone on the way. I also continued reading Harry Potter book 5, yes I know, the Gaydar just cracked.

We made it to Orangevale and had to deal with the local soundman, Claude. Although he is quite funny, he was just too much to deal with on this day. He said that the drum mic sounded like it was "stuck up an elephant's vagina," and promised to take us to "Tone Town."

It was Valentine's Day and "Ang" Buske sent us all conversation hearts. How thoughtful! I got an unexpected Valentine from someone else too, which was very nice! Alright listen, I have said that I might be bi before…this blog just cements that theory. I'm sorry. Wait, I'll redeem myself; bitches, fucking, action movies, sports, beer, and wings.

Eric Thomas was at the show. Eric is a legendary member of the Northern California hardcore scene, the frontman for Murder Machine, fill-in drummer for Vio-Lence, a former personal security guard for 3rd Eye Blind, and former Terror tour manager. Eric Thomas could have tour managed Metallica he was so thorough! He not only advanced the shows, he advanced pretzels. He once tour managed a sexual escapade in the van by doing everything short of having permission slips signed by the guilty parties.

The show was good considering it was Valentine's Day. Why that would affect a show's turnout, I will never know…Maybe I'm not totally gay. Fat Jugs Hernandez (Terror’s current tour manager) threatened to beat up All Shall Perish's fill in merch guy. Just another day at the office, I guess.

Terror Tour 2/13/2007

2007-02-26T20:07:00.000-08:00

What can you really say about Portland? The show was pretty good…for Portland. The downside is we played a real venue, not the Reed College Ping Pong Room, like we did in 2005. I didn’t run into any weird liberal hippy women on bicycles chastising me about Tsunamis; which has happened before in that fine city. It is the home of Nike Athletic Footwear. I don’t really want to delve much deeper, it’s just too depressing.

Terror Tour 2/12/2007

2007-02-23T02:16:00.001-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISHA!

We escaped death and arrived in Seattle at 4am. I was too tired to go into the motel and slept in the van. This is becoming an epidemic.

We got up, went to a bank, and went to the mall that we always go to when we are in Seattle. There was some serious construction going on in the mall and the entire food court was out of commission. How do you have a mall without a food court? A pretzel stand does not constitute as a food court. Remember life before pretzel sticks, when all you could get was the huge pretzels? Whack.

It was Misha’s birthday, so he walked around and pretended like he was going to buy something. Of course, he didn’t.

For the 3rd straight time at this mall, Terror got "rockegnized". I love when people just tell you who you are and what you are doing. "You are in Terror and you are playing at Graceland tonight!" No, we just happened to be in Seattle walking around a shitty mall without a food court.

The only good thing about the mall was a lot of fair looking broads walking around in fuck me boots and oversized sweaters with their asses hanging out the bottom. Since everything sucked there, except the girls with the boots and butts, we went to the Olive Garden. Frank 3 gun and I have shared many a meal at that particular location, so it brought back some memories. Hold your head Frank, Terror (yes, all members) still loves you.

Jim Hesketh from Champion came to join us for lunch and told us about his new band that he is doing. They are playing soon, so be on the lookout for that. He also told us about his job at Whole Foods. Does every hardcore dude work at Whole Foods? Dumb.

I bought Misha lunch for his birthday. He described it as “Bomb.”

We got to the club and found out that All Shall Perish had cancelled due to the singer having an asthma attack. Wait, it was convenient that he had an asthma attack right after Salt Lake City which allowed them to skip Portland and Seattle and go straight to San Francisco (their hood).

Furious Styles were nice enough to open the show in ASP’s place. They covered “State of the World Address…Motherfucka!” They just dropped an album on Hand of Hope Records; check it out.

There were many hot girls at the show and many more sloppy drunk “go big” broads that were falling (literally) down the steps of the merch area and having their floppy funbags do just that; flop. I tried to hook Misha up with a really drunk slob, but she ended up being too crazy in the end.

Joe Garimbone, celebrity merchandiser, was in Seattle waiting for his next tour of duty to start. Joe is a hardcore/merchandising legend and is responsible for teaching me most of what I know. It was great to see him and I hope he has fun watching Chiodos (the 2nd worst band in rock music behind Trivium) everyday.

The show was absolutely intense. Stagedives, stagedives, stagedives. One of the best Terror shows in Seattle, ever.

After the show, we went back to the motel. Misha brought a friend. She was drunk, but she wasn’t half bad looking. LADIES, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING? I give up.

The rest of us watched “Ego Trip’s: The White Rapper Show.” Persia had to go home. Although she possesses the most skill, she always fumbled during crunch time. Buske had a crush on her. Weird dude. We love Johnny and Persia though, and I believe they will both have successful careers.

Terror Tour 2/11/2007

2007-02-17T12:34:00.000-08:00

Terror Tour 2/11/2007

After an exhausting night of animal porn, I awoke to Misha exclaiming, "FUCK!" Yes, I share a bed with Misha on occasion. His nickname used to be "Freesha Ownbed" due to his penchant for never paying for anything and being a bed hog. I guess he was upset because he needed to deposit money in the bank but realized it was Sunday. We told him that you can just go up to the ATM and deposit money into it. Moments later, we noticed Misha putting money into a business sized envelope and asking us, "So all you have to do is write your name on it? How do they know it's yours? I don't want to do this I don't really trust machines."

I don't know what is scarier, thinking that you can just put a business size envelope with the name MISHA scrawled on it in crayon into an ATM and expect it to somehow magically find your account or believing that machines are going to take over the earth and they should not be trusted.

I know that Cyberdyne Laboratories are up to no good and that Skynet became self aware on August 29, 1997 and attempted to wage a nuclear war with mankind. Here is the good news though, Misha: we have John Conner on our side, and I expect by the year 2029 for him to have successfully won the war against our mechanical enemies.

We began our 12 hour drive to Seattle and made it ¼ mile down the road and had to stop for food. We went to Carl's JR. (Hardees for my Midwest/Eastcoast family). Buske is on the fakest diet ever. If eating mint chocolate chip milkshakes at Carl's and then trying to buy ice cream every 2 hours at gas station stops is dieting, then he is doing a smashup job.

Misha didn't stop at Carl's. He went to Taco Bell because you can buy stuff for 99 cents there. One time Misha charged 99 cents on a credit card. The previous night in the motel room, Buske told Misha that the ONLY good thing he has going for him is that he is a "cheap bastard".

Misha got a double decker taco. I didn't know they still made those things. I remember when they first came out though Hakeem Olaujawan and Shaquille O'Neal were featured in the commercials. They were supposed to play a 1 on 1 Pay-Per View televised pickup game at the Taj Mahal in Las Vegas. It never happened. Why did I include this? I just wanted you to know that I have a vast knowledge of things that are dumb, scare girls away, and get me nowhere.

During the tumultuous van ride, BIG DOUG did a strong amount of farting. When someone farts, everyone makes the usual "ughhhhh" noises and puts their shirts over their noses, but the strange part comes when the people who haven't gotten the scent of the fart start taking long drawn out and gigantic breaths of air up their nose to confirm that said fart smells disgusting. I think we can just take the other 5-6 people who have already smelled the odor's word for it from here on out.

We stopped at a Red Robin in Boise, ID for dinner because Texas Roadhouse had an hour wait. Our very large waitress tried to solicit us her phone number. However, she never specified to whom she wanted to give it. She also kept saying, "Rock and Roll," which sucked. I guess she would have gotten plowed by any or all of us. Too bad we weren't staying in Boise for the night.

Nick Jett drives very fast. I will not lie, sometimes it is scary. There was a rain coming down and we were going through mountains but he was still going 90. Adding to the danger of the conditions, we are pulling thousands of pounds of equipment, or L B's if you are Patrick Kitzel, for example: "a 1 / 4 L B Burger" which would be pronounced, "A one four ell bee burger." I love ESL's.

At a gas station stop, I told him that I was frightened for my life and he should just slow down. 20 minutes later he was going 90 again and asked if it was ok because it was no longer raining. This continued throughout the day, with Nick texting while driving down 6% downgrades. Buske made some phone calls to say his final goodbyes. BIG DOUG awoke from his slumber and buckled in, and I turned around to look at Scott. I don't know why I wanted Scott Vogel to be the last thing I saw before I died, I just thought it would be better to look at him than watch us fly off of a cliff.

Nick caught wind of our scared whispers in between his 7 hours of phone calls that he took throughout the day, and really took it the wrong way. He was very upset that we were criticizing his driving and told us he is the safest driver of the lot. He said that he is scared when anyone else drives. I understand being scared of anything that Misha does, but Scott and I drive 45 mph on an open road.

Do you know how sometimes when you drive for an extended amount of time throughout the night you become delusional? I think Nick was suffering from such a condition. We made nice with Nick, but it was still frightening. On a side note, Nick does 95% of the driving and we definitely do appreciate him and all he does for Terror, which is immeasurable.

On a gas station stop, Misha bought some Lance brownies for 25 cents. Earlier in the day he refused to buy them because they were 75 cents. He said they reminded him of the brownies he used to eat in high school. So he is recounting memories of 2 weeks ago, I guess. He is the craziest eater ever. He gets so excited and just starts smiling from ear to ear. When questioned on what the brownies tasted like, Misha said, "They taste like a fucking …like a fucking, um good ass brownie." The Wu said it best, "Can it be all so simple?"

Terror Tour 2/10/2007

2007-02-14T21:55:00.002-08:00

"Here we go!", Buske yelled as he braced himself against the seat. I put my head down and closed my eyes readying myself. The rain was coming down as we slammed on our brakes and started skidding towards an impending crash with the car that just pulled out in front of us, passing traffic on our left, and a telephone pole on our right… More on that later…

The day started out less perilous with an enjoyable 9 hour drive to Salt Lake City. We got onto talking about Mormons on the drive and Martin was telling me that when they die they get their own planet and the first Mormon walked to Salt Lake with a Unicorn. This will all come into play later.

We also took bets on how many people would be at the show. We recently played with Unearth and Bleeding Through in SLC and 400 people paid. That tour was doing anywhere between 700-1000 people at every other show. Misha's guess was 350. Yeah. We had previously placed bets on first week sales of Killswitch Engage and Hatebreed albums. Misha's guesses were always at least 50,000 – 200,000 off. Confused child.

We arrived at the venue at 5 o'clock. Our fearless tour manager, Fat Juggs Hernandez, was apparently misinformed because the first band was actually playing at 5. So much for me being able to spend a minimum of 2 hours organizing the trailer and restocking merch like I had originally planned.

The show ended up being great! It was easily the best show I have ever been to in Salt Lake City! That is happening a lot on this tour and we all couldn't be any happier!

We ended up going to The Texas Roadhouse for a post show party with the whole tour (minus Stick To Your Guns who are still broken down in Florida). During the short drive from the club to the restaurant a car pulled out in front us. They must have decided it was ok to continue going 15 mph when a van pulling thousands of pounds of equipment is speeding at them going 60mph.

Nick reacted quickly, but the whole van started to jackknife on the slippery surface. Straightening it out only pushed the van dangerously close to a telephone pole. Nick managed to somehow turn into a parking lot and avoid hitting ANYTHING! We couldn't believe it. We all had to sit there for a minute to catch our breath.

Upon arrival to the restaurant, I asked Erika, our hostess, if she was Mormon. Of course she was, so I asked her if she is married to a man with multiple wives and if she plans on receiving her own planet upon death. I guess I was misinformed because this broad looked at me like I had 4 heads, turned bright red, and ran and hid behind the hostess stand! Oh well, at least I still got it with the ladies!

The cinnamon butter at Texas Roadhouse is unreal! A few people bought Misha a steak because his birthday was coming up. I overheard Buske on the phone refer to himself as "Johnny the Pooper". It was creepy.

We checked into a motel and I downloaded the new 50 Cent diss by Cam'ron. Cam really didn't lay into him to hard. How crazy was the Hot 97 phone call? "Curtiiiiiiiiiiiissssss! Curtiiiiiiiiiiiissssssss!" Cam has completely lost his fucking mind. Thankfully Jimmy called in later to cool things over and explain his love scenes in the upcoming movie, "Thugs' Passion", comparing it to "9 ½ Weeks" and comparing himself to Mickey Rourke. Scary. Jim has lost his fucking mind as well. Definitely check out the youtube.com video of Cam calling into Hot 97. The dude needs to go on another vacay to the Bahamas, and ditch some piranhas because he is fading from reality fast.

I also checked out the Kim Kardashian sex tape with Ray-J. Who is Ray-J besides Brandy's brother and guest host of BET's "The Center", you ask? Remember "Wait a Minute" from the summer of 2001 which featured Lil Kim? You don't? "I'm from the land of women, sunny days, chrome spinnin', It's on tonight!" Pharrell was in the video. Still nothing, huh? Well, it was definitely a hit for my brother and I, and received regular play in the basement of 804 Sherman Street.

In the video, Ray-J pisses on Kim, not the "Wait a Minute" video, the actual sex video. Black people love to pee on people! I don't think Martin does. Martin doesn't even eat pork products or lick girl's buttholes so I doubt he goes the yellow discipline route.

Kim Kardashian is the new Paris. She is famous for being famous and is now starring in a sextape which I am sure is horrible. At least it isn't in nightvision.

We got to the motel and all started nerding out for a little while...suddenly, David's Limewire folder showed up on everyone's I-Tunes. He must have been a guest at the hotel. He had no music in his folder, but he sure had a lot of creepy animal porn. Does seeing a dog going down on a girl really turn you on? It didn't turn us on. What? We had to at least check it out and see.

Terror Tour 2/9/2007

2007-02-14T21:55:00.001-08:00

I was too tired to go into the hotel room once we arrived in Denver. I slept in the van until 10 am. I rounded up a few others and we went to a nearby Denny's. There, we force-fed Misha 3 pancakes, 2 slices of French toast, 6 pieces of bacon, 3 pieces of sausage, 2 eggs, and hashbrowns. We don't really care if he gains weight, we just all think it is funny to watch him eat due to his insane mannerisms and his use of the word, "Bomb" to describe food.

While driving, we noticed a very short midget dancing on the street corner with a cardboard sign. I have nothing against little people, but this was downright degrading. In addition to being vertically challenged, it looked like she had Progeria. Progeria is Scott and my favorite disease because it is so regularly featured on Maury. And you thought he only did "You are NOT the father!" shows. I love when Maury says that they are very special young people and tells them that not only are they getting a skateboard, they are getting skateboarding lessons from Tony Hawk!!!!!

Before the show started, I received an 18 box shipment of merch. Wait, you still want to tour with a band? Getting 18 dumb boxes full of stupid t-shirts means that you have to go through all 18 boxes, count everything in them, and then try to find room for them in your trailer amongst all the band's gear, all your personal belongings ( I pack like a girl), and all the merch you already have in stock. FUN STUFF!

Maris the Great (Maristhegreat.com) was at the show. Maris is a very tall mohawked man who dresses up as a homosexual zombie and walks around hardcore shows. He does a website where he "kills" bands with some impressive makeup work. He once asked if he could suck Scott's dick. I don't think Scott took to kindly to that. Myke from District 9 beat him up once. Myke was also banned from this show. How classic was Cesar from District 9 in the N.Y.H.C. documentary?

Maris licked my hand and I got fake blood all over me. It was definitely unsanitary. I don't mind the whole gay thing (most people think I am at least bi due to my incessant talk of dicks), I actually mind the zombie thing. If you walk around your whole life pretending to be a zombie, you are essentially a zombie. It is just weird to me and makes me question Maris's upbringing.

The show was AWESOME! The best Terror show in Colorado ever. After the show we went to the motel room and caught the re-run of the "White Rapper Show". BUSHWHICK GUEST APPEARANCE! The Geto Boys are an all time favorite and it was dope to see that little creep get some love. Serch gave Sullee every opportunity to end the whole Stop Snitchin' epidemic and he just failed.

After our dose of reality television (which also included that weird show, "Bad Girl's Club"), we tried to order pizza. Papa John's refused to deliver the pizza due to the area we were staying in allegedly being quite dangerous. Martin was incensced! He actually didn't even want to eat pizza, but he grabbed the phone from Nick and over the course of 5 minutes said such gems as, "Listen, you aren't going to punish us because of where we are staying. We are faced with a problem and you are going to give us a solution. Stop being a pussy! You are the worst manager I have ever come in contact with! I know what it is like, I once had a friend who got shot in his balls because he was delivering a pizza in the wrong neighborhood. What are you going to do? HUH?" Needless to say, we didn't get pizza that night.

Terror Tour 2/8/2007

2007-02-14T21:54:00.001-08:00

The club in Tulsa,OK was pretty damn big. I don't think Iron Maiden would have had a sellout at that place. Sworn Against opened up the show. They brought along their boy; Cootie Ray. Needless to say, He ruled.

After the show we had a 9 hour drive to Colorado. We obviously don't care about being alive, because we let Misha drive 7 hours in the ice and snow. I slept between the 2 benches on the floor and couldn't move for a few hours afterwards. It is a glamorous life.

Terror Tour 2/7/2007

2007-02-14T21:52:00.000-08:00

2/7/07

Today was another long and dumb drive to Shreveport, Louisiana. This was originally supposed to be an off day, but due to the cancellation of last week's show, we added this one. All the other bands were playing the show, so we jumped on as well.

When we arrived the promoter said that it might be a rough turnout because Wednesday is a big church night in the area for the demographic he was targeting, which was age 14. Terror is huge in Southern middle schools.

This show wasn't packed but it was a lot of fun. There were some pre-pubescent girls dancing on the stage during Terror, some of the worst and weirdest slow motion moshing in recorded history, and some vegan chili, which "Johnny likey!"

Most online Vogelisms (DUMB) are fake, but I will give you a real one, "…Whether you have a big giant dick or a gaping pussy between your legs…"

Martin posted a lengthier update on this day over at his online BLAAAHHHG... guttermagic.blogspot.com

Terror Tour 2/6/2007

2007-02-14T21:48:00.000-08:00

Terror Tour 2/6/2007

We had a long drive to get to the show, but we were all excited to get there. Today was the day that the Terror New Era 59/50 fitted hats arrived. We ordered them about 6 months ago, so It was definitely like kids on Christmas morning when we ripped the box open. They looked great. Scott bought ten of them for himself. I don't know what one does with ten of the same hat. Wait, I don't know what I do with 20 different Cleveland Indians hats.

The show was great for all the bands. Unfortunately, Stick to Your Guns couldn't make it. They had some van repairs done and I think they got taken. All they wanted was a tune up and when their van came back, the max speed it could attain was 20 mph. Ouch. When they took it back the next day, the shop said it would be $7,500 to repair. Thank God Scott Vogel is their manager! I don't know when they will be back on the tour, but we wish them the best.

The venue is one of the few places in Birmingham to have a DIY hardcore/punk show. I know the venue is in debt upwards of $5000. If you are from the area, you should definitely donate whatever you can to help out a very unique place.

After the show we went to … get this….Buffalo Wild Wings! One of Nick's elementary school classmates came with us to enjoy wing night. Too bad the staff didn't enjoy us coming in 10 minutes before the kitchen closed. I worked in a kitchen for over 6 years. I am sorry Buffalo Wild Wings of Birmingham, those are the fucking breaks. The manager was a complete cocksucker and hated us. Buske filled a water cup up with Diet Coke and the manager made me scold him for it.

The entire tour was also in the house. I think we may have created a monster. I don't believe it is cool to go to BW3 anymore. Marshall from the Warriors was there, and that helped make up for everyone else on the tour that I don't like being there. What a hater I am, and what an absolute fucking tweaker weirdo Marshall is.

Terror Tour 2/5/2007

2007-02-14T21:14:00.000-08:00

The show in Orlando got moved a few times. A few hundred kids still managed to find the place and come out on a Monday evening. During load in I heard a few different conversations about “Job For A Cowboy”. Who the fuck is “Job For A Cowboy?” How come at every club we go to some weird haired geek has to talk about this band? I am fucking annoyed about hearing their name, I wonder how Elliot from Stick To Your Guns feels being he used to be in the band. Myspace hype dies a fast and painful death.

A bunch of people were fighting during War of Ages. Aren’t they a Christian band? Kids are dumb. I guess 25 year olds who work for hardcore bands are dumb too.

The guitarist from Cannibal Corpse came out to hang with BIG DOUG of Terror fame. He brought his friend, “Gravedigger“. That is how he was introduced to us, so that is what we referred to him as. He is huge in the Medieval Fair scene.

Terror Tour 2/4/2007

2007-02-12T20:15:00.000-08:00

We got up EARLY and drove 9 hours with a cardboard window into Florida, which is Frank 3 Gun's favorite location on the planet. They have had some bad storms down there lately and the weather was not in our favor. The rain was coming down hard and put a nice hole in our tree made window.

We got to the club early and walked to a burrito place which had the nationally televised Cavaliers basketball game on. We started out the season so well, but we have been running in place lately. I am almost glad that I don't get to see the games when we are on tour; it is just too depressing knowing that all Cleveland sports franchises are perennial losers. A girl in stretch pants came in and you could definitely set a pot luck dinner on her ass. If every girl looked like her, I am re-locating.

The club was balmy and disgusting and the attendance was definitely affected by the weather and the biggest sporting contest of the year. There was a TV at the bar, so I was excited to be able to see bits and pieces of the game. The weather was a factor in that event too; turnover central. The first half was pretty exciting to watch, but like all Superbowls, It ended up lopsided. The win should definitely solidify Peyton Manning as an all time great quarterback. Deservingly so.

Misha went and stayed with Mike "Low Cool" Murphy, whose band played a surprise set earlier on in the night. We got a text in the middle of the night saying that Misha double teamed some girl and then ate all her food. Ladies, why would you fuck Misha? Nice guy, but he speaks as eloquently as a fucking caveman and he has the body type of an ostrich. Misha, like Forrest Gump before him, lives an extraordinary life.

It was internet café central in the room after we hit up an IHOP. At 3 a.m., Buske, Martin, and I ended up hopping a fence in the pouring rain and going in the hot tub. That was great until a card carrying member of the Trench Coat Mafia who allegedly was a hotel employee, told us it was after 10 pm and we needed to vacate the pool area.

We went back in the room and all started online blogs (or Blaaaaahhhhgs, if you live in the Terror van) and a few of us watched videos of our new favorite 80's hair metal/thrash band; NITRO. They are O.F.R. and H.W.D.W.S. for sure.

Terror Tour 2/3/2007

2007-02-09T20:54:00.000-08:00

We found out that there was no glass repair available on Saturday morning, so we made the drive to the ATL without a window. Atlanta is the home of Outkast, Ludacris/DTP, Young Jeezy/CTE, T.I./GrandHustle Lil Jon, The Youngbloodz, and Jermaine Dupri (who may be uglier than Lil' Wayne), but none of them came out to our show.

During the first song, Buske choke-slammed a security guard with his bass on. Later a separate melee broke out which featured Big Doug throwing his guitar into a crowd of security guards and band members fighting. The next few paragraphs are taken from my benchmate Maritin's account of the story from his guttermagic.blogspot.com account:

The show was bananas. Mad stage diving like i've never seen. One bouncer got salty with Fat Juggz Hernandez (Our fake Tour Manager) and Doug took his guitar off and threw it at this cat. It missed him and hit like 2 other people and then broke on the floor. I jump off stage and see Buske just ruin this guys night with an elbow to his mug. Next thing I knew some goon has me hemmed up by my shirt with his hand all twisted up in my shit. I felt threatened, so I gave a good slug to his kisser and it was lights out. Things got crazy for a sec and then it was over with so we continued the rest of the show without problems.

Around load out time all the bouncers were salty that they got served up in their own club and that we just finished the show off like it was nothing. They started making threats to other kids on the tour that had nothing to do with the situation. Needless to say nothing else happens because it's the same old story every time. People always talk big and crazy when they feel like they've been punked. I over heard my little friend I had the confrontation with from earlier talking about how he's going to "shoot the mother fucker that hit me when I see him.". I stopped and gave him a look and what does he do? Shakes my hand and tells me how great he thought the show was. Then he goes on to say "It's all about punk rock. Ride or die.". What the hell does that mean? I may never know.

We went to a shot diner and hung out with some crazy black toothless bartender named Darren. He told us he has the unofficial key to the city. I think he tried to solicit us for drugs. He sent some gross fat Hispanic girls from Texas over. They definitely wanted to have sexual relations with the lot of us. They were hard up. We must not have been, because we declined.

Terror Tour 2/2/2007

2007-02-09T20:00:00.001-08:00

This ended up being one of the craziest days of the tour for a multitude of reasons. The show was in Spartanburg, SC at GroundZero. Buske played a show there once with Another Victim and 3 paid. I don't have any cool South Carolina memories...well, I dated a 6 foot 1 inch stripper from there once. We looked dumb walking around the mall together. She still owes me $700. The show ended up being VERY good, the Terror show, not the Another victim show.

A drunk girl punched the really little 18 year old skinny guitar player of All Shall Perish straight in the face twice. He was pretty shook up. She got kicked out and was going INSANE!

In the melee she lost her phone and in the parking lot she ended up trying to fight her girlfriend who was just trying to put her in the car. Her ride took off without her and she was left in the parking lot saying, “No niggas can touch me, they can suck my clit and fuck me ‘till the morning, but they can’t touch me!” She noticed us laughing at her, which led to “Fuck ya’ll niggas talking shit! Run up! Run up!” Then she started harassing the owner about him giving her 60 dollars for her phone which he had nothing to do with her losing. 2 minutes later the 60 dollars she was demanding turned into 100 dollars. She was unsuccessful with getting anything except laughed at.

Her ride came back to pick her up and she started spouting off with, “I am going to bring the double glock on him. That motherfucker punched me!” Her girlfriend in the back tried to convince her to get in the car and they started fighting again. In the middle of all this, the girlfriend in the back yells, “I GOTTA PISS!” in the greatest southern accent you have ever heard. When you have to piss, I guess that takes precedent over your completely methed out, no ass having, white trash psychopathic friend. The crazy girl started spouting off more nonsense about bringing the Folks up to the club and told everyone to run up a few more times before some huge dude physically threw her in the car, and in true southern fashion, peeled out of the lot!

After Terror played, a band called SHAT took the stage. It was 4 middleaged dudes, who had dildos taped all over their bodies. Yes, They played their hit, “Titfuck.” Their music was System of a Down meets Gwar, with a Genitorturers / Impotent Sea Snakes live show. It was very bargain bin, but at 2 am in South Carolina; quite entertaining. Everyone went up to the stage and was getting pictures taken with the band and their array of dildos.

We finally got everyone out of the club and headed for a motel. People had way too much to drink, tempers flared, and the entire side van window ended up getting smashed out. I stayed up until 6 am taping the thing up in the freezing weather. Buske and Luis (Jugs on T9 word or Fat Jugs Hernandez in the Terror van) slept in the van to avoid theft.

Terror Tour 2/1/2007

2007-02-09T19:49:00.000-08:00

I woke up, thinking it was around 11 am…It was actually 3 pm. I was definitely the first one up, too. I guess we really needed to sleep. By 5 we were on our way to…wait for it…wait for it…Buffalo Wild Wings! After we ate, we went to Best Buy. Some people were looking for the new Sean Price record, but they couldn’t find it. Nick and I bought 2 Toby Keith CD’s though. We got “White Trash with Money” and “Unleashed”. We have been listening to “Shockn’yall” in the van quite frequently and wanted to get some more Toby. Anytime we listen to it, Martin gets physically sick. “The Angry American” is probably one of the most thought out songs of our generation. It is right up there with our previous Toby Keith favorites, “The Taliban Song”, “I Love This Bar”, and “Weed With Willie".

Martin and Nick started recording some L.I.O.N. guitar tracks in the other room while Scott, Buske, and I downloaded episode 3 of “Ego Trip’s The White Rapper Show” on YouTube.com. We all huddled around the computer and watched Vanilla Ice superfan, “G-Child” get the boot. Brand Nubian was not impressed with the ghetto revival. After the conclusion of that, a re-run of episode 4 came on tv, so we were all excited to be caught up. We were more excited that “100 Proof” got voted off. La Coka guest appearance was nice, too. I hope that the weird token white geek from Virginia is next to go.

Misha had 2 strippers that he met at the previous night’s show, come over to drink with everyone in the 2^nd room. One was wearing a wig and fake Ugs with holes in the toes. I know a few people ended up pissing into her bra. I think Misha may have a celebrity sex tape out there after this night as well. What a little creepy weirdo he is. One time he had unprotected sex, and when we started to explain to him about STD’s he said, “I don’t think she had any, she was tight.” On a separate occasion, he got blown outside in the snow and Buske, Ang, and I made up a fake disease called REPITOSIS that you get when, well…getting blown outside in the snow. We told him that your dick develops scales. Needless to say, Misha believed us and we caught him doing a Google search on Repitosis that night.

Terror Tour 1/31/2007

2007-02-08T19:29:00.001-08:00

Terror hadn’t been to Raleigh, NC since the fall of 2005 with Bury Your Dead. I remember that being a pretty good show and this one was no different. The club was very small but still crammed 300 kids inside. All the Down To Nothing kids came out again to do 200 stagedives per person.

During the show we found out that the next day’s show in Nashville had been cancelled due to an unexpected snowstorm. This happened to me last year on a Throwdown tour as well. They get 2 inches of snow in Nashville and they freak out. Hearing about this show being cancelled brought back the excitement of finding out school had gotten cancelled (which happened a lot in Northeastern Ohio). Of course we wanted to play the show, but we had gone 2 weeks straight with LONG drives everyday…so we were excited about a day off.

Stick To Your Guns went with us to the same motel and we both got rooms for 2 days. We were in a college town, so liquor was plentiful. People got HAMMERED. I remember Buske pulling me out of a sleeping bag at 4 am and harassing me about an Integrity t-shirt that I never got him in 2002.

Terror Tour 1/30/2007

2007-02-08T19:23:00.000-08:00

HOME OF CLIPSE:

We had never played Harrsionburg, VA before and none of us knew what to expect. What we got when we arrived at Captain Tee's was the WEIRDEST SHOW EVER. Captain Tee's is a run down Chuck E. Cheese knockoff. They had balls all over the floor, but no ballpit. Their newest arcade game was the Simpsons scrolling fighting game (that TMNT the arcade game made famous). The mini golf course had a mixed theme of apocalyptic skull shaped stalagmites meets classic put put shenanigans…needless to say, it sucked. The jungle gym looked worse than the ones that you see in a Burger King. We found out that Agnostic Front had played there before and we all imagined that Stigma was still lost in the jungle gym.

The owner of the club was a complete dick. He yelled at people for every little thing. Maybe if his fake ass children's entertainment complex wasn't so bunk he wouldn't have to do modern jud jud hair metal shows.

We made the best of the situation. A lot of video games were played. Nick and Misha played mini golf as well as Marshall from the Warriors. They were playing by put put rules which really pissed me off. Put Put is so dumb. I am a mini golf connoisseur, residing in a town which contains the oldest operating mini golf course in the United States. Put Put is a watered down version geared towards soccer mom's and their shitty kids. I HATE when people don't understand and appreciate the difference. By the way, Misha definitely got an 11 on one of the holes.

A bunch of the members from Down to Nothing and Bracewar came to the show and were doing what they are known to do: stagedive. They were jumping over the side stage speakers and almost landing in the Beauty and the Beast themed party room. A punk rock guy started whipping people with a pyramid belt. I think he got beat up. Some other kids got yelled at for climbing a rock wall.

5 mintues down the road there was a Buffalo Wild Wings and it was wing night! Every band on the tour and all the Down to Nothing / Bracewar kids came out. People were getting IG in there. We had chants of "Misha" and "Wings, Beer, Sports" going repeatedly. The waiter hated us.

After BW3 (that's how you know if you are OG or not), I stayed up until 6 am and did a few weeks worth of laundry. Laundry is very therapeutic. There is nothing gayer than doing another grown man's laundry though. The rest of the guys stayed up and played on the internet all night. People act like you haven't been able to go online for 12 years when they hear that there is wireless network available. What else is there to see on the nerd? It takes me 5 minutes to see what the Assparade update is and find out whose new hip hop album went wood.

Terror Tour 1/29/2007

2007-02-08T19:20:00.000-08:00

Philadelphia's First Unitarian Church had about 50 ice covered steps to load heavy equipment down. That was exciting. The place got filled up quick and everyone went nuts for all the bands. Ang #1 and Ang #2 were on stage right for Terror. Dudes from Lifetime said it was the best show they had ever seen at the church. A lot of friends came from New Jersey to hang out.

George Blacklisted took us to Pat's and Geno's to get some late night cheese steaks. People get shook when they have to order from Pat's. Everyone always asks a local exactly what to say. We went to Pat's because they had a Johnny Polo WWF autographed picture on display and they aren't racist. George played us the new Blacklisted, they are on some next level stuff. Definitely check it out when it drops on Deathwish.

Terror Tour 1/28/2007

2007-02-04T23:28:00.000-08:00

We drove through New York and I got to see the hoods of Ghostface Killah, Jay-Z, Merauder, Biohazard and other legends. The Brooklyn show was scheduled in a venue that no one was really familiar with. We got to the show and there was a children’s concert going on. There were little kids everywhere! We took some pictures of the band hanging out with some snot nosed infants. It just made us look really molester like and creepy. Some of the bands that were playing are featured on Nickelodeon. Children’s entertainment is such a good racket. What else do kids have to do but be entertained by shitty singer songwriters? The place was packed, too bad the late show wasn’t. Ha.

During a rendition of "Happy Birthday", our tour manager, Fat Jugs Hernandez, comes running out of the club screaming, "FUCK YOU!" How does anyone get mad during the happy birthday song? Its like the epitome of a good time. Why try to fight the promoter during that song? Fighting during a Terror song i can almost understand; but the happy birthday song...c'mon dogg.

We couldn’t even load in until an hour before doors. The club had a cool layout, but they tried to make the show 18 and over. Dumb. There was like 10 kids in line and you are asking 7 of them to leave. Eventually they made the show 16 and over and a hundred and fifty some kids came out to hear loud rock music. I have never quite understood New York. Certain people only go to certain clubs. I always thought every show in New York had 1,000 people at it.

Craig Ahead, Ivan Dead Wrong, Ant $, and Ang all came out to hang out at the show. Kids were moshing like Irate was playing at Castle Heights. Hardcore is the only place where fat kids reign supreme. In highschool, they are just fat; but at the show they are “hard”. A kid who looked like Doug E. Doug was stealing the mic and singing Terror songs onstage all night. Was it ever acceptable to mosh onstage? I didn’t think so. This was the second show that this new phenomenon took place at. Are your moves that sick? No, they weren’t.

If you need to wear long johns underneath your mesh shorts, don’t you think it defeats the purpose of wearing mesh shorts? I know it is part of 00’s hardcore uniform, but maybe you can just save them for the summer.

It started snowing which made load out fun. Afterwards we tried to go to a brand new Buffalo Wild Wings, but it was closed by the time we got there. We had to settle for our favorite New York City diner…McDonalds.

Terror Tour 1/27/2007

2007-02-04T23:22:00.000-08:00

Saturday at the Palladium in Worcester, Mass was something we had circled since we all first saw the tour routing. We knew it would be a great show, and It definitely was! Every band got a great response. Stick to your guns (or Cum on her gums) really blew up the spot in ole’ Moshachusetts.

A good friend of mine came to the show, as well as a guy wearing face makeup in the design that THE CROW made famous. I had fun hanging out with my friend Sheri and our new friend, Brandon Lee. Terror fans are great.

We went to a nearby nightclub afterwards, and some guido asked us where the pussy was at. People are so cool. A good majority of the band got really drunk. We stayed at some weird place in the woods that ran us down in the morning for walking out with a pillow. Of course, Misha was the one who took it.

Terror Tour 1/26/2007

2007-02-04T23:18:00.000-08:00

We got to Poughkeepsie and loaded all our gear …wait for it….wait for it….a FLIGHT OF STAIRS! Awesome! They told us that wait for it…wait for it….that the SHOW WOULD BE SHUTDOWN IF ANYONE STAGEDOVE!

The band took off with German Hardcore legend, Patrick Kitzel, who was cool enough to come from Syracuse to hang out. He just put out the debut release by WORLD COLLAPSE. They could be the biggest band on rock radio if pushed properly. Good luck to them and good luck to Patrick in his quest to build a hardcore army to eliminate weird hair kids.

I stayed back at the club to do some work. I got done doing my stuff pretty early and walked a few blocks down the road to a real cool shoe spot. I had gone there before on the Hatebreed / Killswitch Engage tour in December. I ended up getting the new Jordan V retro release. If I would have known what was going to happen later, I might not have dropped $140 on a pair of shoes that I already own in a multitude of other colorways.

The Warriors couldn’t make the show because they “couldn’t get up a hill.” Are you serious? That was the best they could come up with? Their absence did not stop the show from being AWESOME! This was easily the best show I have ever seen in Poughkeepsie!

During load out, I lost my cell phone. Now, I lose my cell phone everyday, but this time, I REALLY LOST IT. Not like how Buske loses things, freaks out, and then finds them 10 minutes later, like I actually lost it.

At 4 a.m. The Poughkipsee Police Department called Nick (who was the last person who called me) and told him that someone turned my phone in. I called the Police in the morning to ask when I could come and pick it up, here is what I got, “Pick it up? You can’t pick it up until Monday! It’s in evidence!”

Evidence? What? Did my phone assault someone? Poughkeepsie is weird. If it didn’t birth All Out War, I would write it off completely. So, I don’t have a cellphone anymore. Now, I really have an excuse for not answering. To anyone I normally sex message with, just be patient.

Terror Tour 1/25/2007

2007-02-04T23:17:00.000-08:00

We got to Pittsburgh and it was freezing! Snow was coming down hard. We got the privilege of loading up a few flights of stairs (that is an unfortunate pattern on this tour.) A good amount of kids braved the elements and had fun with all the bands. Terror hasn’t played Pittsburgh since Sept. 2004, so it was definitely good to be back.

The club served gigantic pitchers of beer. Doug drank 2 of them. Fuck the Steelers.

Terror Tour 1/24/2007

2007-02-04T23:13:00.002-08:00

“This is for you CLEVELAND! Aghhhhhh…….” During the 4 hour drive, It started to snow. Of course it did, we were in Ohio. It was cool to be home for a few hours, although the only thing I saw was the inside of Peabodys. My mom was nice enough to come to the show. She is a huge Terror fan.

It looked like there was way more kids in the club then they claimed and of course they had 3,076 opening bands on 3 different stages. You have to love Peabody’s! Jokes aside, it really is the best place to see a midsized hardcore show in Cleveland, though. Kids went wild during the bands. It was definitely a horseshoe crowd, but that didn’t stop everyone from stagediving. How did no one break their neck?

Afterwards, Cleveland Hardcore legends, Frank 3 Gun Novinec and The Human Furnace took us to a Buffalo Wild Wings that served food until 2:30 am. If only they had hookers it would be better than Montreal! It was the first time Frank and Scott had talked since Frank quit Terror to join Hatebreed last year. I’m glad that they could put everything aside and realize why they were friends for 15 years in the first place. Frank and Furnace were in classic form all night. They were buying insane amounts of shots, beers, and anything else that will make a person drunk. Furnace put 10 bucks in the jukebox and in seconds DIO was blasting throughout the place!

Some weird girl was lurking all of us, so I went over and talked to her. She said I was adorable. I told her that she was old enough to be my mother. She followed with, “You were good looking until you opened your mouth..” I have a few ex girlfriends that would agree.

Being that I am the ultimate Ringworm fan, I picked the Furnace’s brain for a while about what we can expect from their new material. He compared it to early Kreator. Frank 3 Gun has been involved in the writing process, so I think we can all expect another classic! Ringworm can do no wrong.

Everyone got really drunk (except Nick and I, we just got fat) and then we went and crashed at a Days Inn. I was 10 minutes from my house and I never made it home.

Little Known Furnace Fact: He loves Dave Grohl and the Foo Fighters

Terror Tour 1/23/2007

2007-02-04T23:13:00.001-08:00

We stayed in Detroit after the previous show, got up early and started driving. After driving for 1 mile, we got pulled over by 2 separate minivans full of undercover Detroit Police officers. They came over to the passenger side which was really bad news because that is where Misha sits.

"Where you guys headed?"

"A show", Misha said staring at the ground in a mumbled tone.

"What kind of show?"

"A hardcore show", Misha said and annunciated it as if he had marbles in his mouth.

"A what?"

"A HARDCORE SHOW!" Misha yelled.

Listen, unless you listen to hardcore, you don't know what it is. Undercover police officers in Detroit who pull you over because you are a van pulling a huge trailer and you have 8 sketchy looking dudes (one of them being black) riding in it, definitely don't know or care what it is. Misha is the WORST person to be talking to any authority figure. When the officer momentarily left the window, a chorus of "SHUT UP, LET NICK TALK", erupted from everyone else.

The officers came back and asked us what kind of drugs we had on board and if a drug dog would be able to find anything even if it was just a roach. That reminds me about the time Zack found a roach in the bathroom and Screech wanted to add it to his bug collection. Dustin Diamond is just so wacky! What is wackier is that he now does dirty sanchez films. What is even wackier is that one time we got pulled over in a similar situation, they actually brought the drug dog, and Rin Tin Tin couldn't detect that someone who was riding with us had Peruvian flake hidden in their shoe.

Back to present day: They did a brief trailer search and asked Nick what kind of music they played. He said it was like Pantera, and the officer said, "FUCK YEAH!". We were released, but I still don't know what we were pulled over for.

We finally got to Arlington Heights, IL at a Knights Of Columbus Hall. It seemed like a recipe for disaster but, It was the best show of the tour so far! Over 450 kids crammed into the stageless club and sweated it out together.

Misha asked if all the older men who were working at the club were priests. We asked him why and his response was, "Well, it's a Knights of Columbus Hall."

Do you see what I am dealing with? Do you understand why I am irritable when you call me?

After the show, we went to Buffalo Wild Wings! The manager took a liking to us and gave us a lot of inside information about owning a franchise. We are only 2 million dollars away from having our very own

Terror Tour 1/22/2007

2007-02-04T23:12:00.000-08:00

After 1 hour of sleep, we got in the van and headed towards Detroit, MI. Nick noticed tons of smoke coming out of the trailer. We pulled over but couldn't really see what was wrong with it. We started driving again and it just kept getting worse. We found the cause of the problems was that the bearings in the trailer tire were just shot! Metal was just rubbing on Metal and making a mess. The wheel had almost completely fallen off. That could have been a real catastrophe. Anytime something like that happens it just scares you. So many bands have wrecked, had all their possessions burn to the ground(Buske), or gotten killed from these kind of accidents.

We found a trailer repair shop in the phone book but got lost on the way to the place. At a traffic light we asked Misha to ask a parallel car where the highway was. Misha rolled down his window and then just stared at the person and then looked back at all of us with defeat on his face exclaiming, "His window is up." No shit, it was 18 fucking degrees out.

Eventually we found the repair shop. We dropped the trailer and went out for lunch at Applebee's. How fucking disgusting is that place? GROSS. The only reason people go there is for half price appetizers and even those suck. This wasn't any ordinary Applebee's though, this Applebee's was GHETTO. The waiter was terrible and was just sweating bullets. He was bringing out one drink at a time and taking 5 minutes in between each delivery. Some people's food eventually arrived but a few of us had nothing sitting in front of us. We asked the waiter what happened to our food and he looded directly at us and said, "FUCK!" That is how you know you are in good hands and dining in a professional atmosphere. I think the waiter was on ecstasy. Wait, does anyone still do ecstasy in 2007? Remember when Brandon Walsh did Euphoria with Emily Valentine? He was all laid out on the hood of the car? The guy that they bought it from just had a big "4" on his shirt and that is how you knew what he was selling. Shit was amazing! Anyways, we overheard the manager walk into the back room saying, "Everything all right back there, Ya'll look lost." Yes, they were.

The trailer took a few hours to fix. We learned about regular trailer maintenance in order to avoid sketchy situations like that in the future. By the time it was ready to go, Nick had to drive crazier than normal just to make it to Detroit for our set time. On the drive, buske had to defecate and said, "Come On! My asshole!" It sounded like he said, "Cum on my asshole". It was weird.

We got to The Magic Stick about 8:30 and had to load up 2 flights of stairs and push through all the kids with our gear. Great times. A homeless guy came up to us and told us he was the hottest rapper in Detroit and that he was the next 50 cent. That would mean he was extremely wealthy, sells .

I have never been to The Magic Stick before and it was a very pleasant surprise. It had the quintessential layout for a hardcore show. Perfect size stage, nice sized room, cool atmosphere. The show was great. Kids were everywhere. Detroit has a legendary scene and it is one of the few places where there are equal amounts old sketchy tattooed dudes and young mesh short wearing emaciated children. The girls in Detroit are beautiful too, they all look like they could beat me up, which is definitely something I look for.

After the show we had free bowling and Pizza at the bar downstairs. All the bands hung out and bowled alongside a great cross-section of locals. You had punk rockers, gangsters, booty shakin' girls, skinny hardcore tweakers, and gay black men.

I think the pizza really fucked my world up. While bowling, my stomach just started to turn into knots and I felt that my intestines were going to burst out of me, "Alien" style. I ran to the bathroom and wouldn't you know it, there was puke all over the toilet seat and no door. How can you shit without a door? I told my boy "Lisp" about the dilemma and he took me to some secret bathroom in the club nextdoor. We get over there and of course it is locked. He has pull in Detroit so we got the key, and not a minute to soon. Before I was even over the seat, I had projectile diarrhea shooting out of my ass. It was ugly. On the drive to the motel, I almost had to shit in a plastic bag. That would have been uglier. I stayed very near to the bathroom all night.

Terror Tour 1/21/2007

2007-02-04T23:11:00.000-08:00

We had a 3 ½ hour drive to Sauget, MO. The band had played the venue before on Sounds of The Underground. We were playing in the smaller room this time. The best part of the club was that they had 10 televisions all playing the AFC and NFC divisional championships! This was something I was hoping I would be able to see, and thankfully I was able to. The Patriots and Colts game contained one of the better second halves of football I have ever seen in my life! Tom Brady threw a last minute interception. Oh well, the dude still has fucked Bridget Moynahan and is now bashing Gisele Bundchen.

ONCE AGAIN, during Terror, Security starts throwing kids out for stagediving! If that is your club policy, then everyone will abide by that…BUT you have to inform people of such things. Clubs have no problem booking a hardcore show, no problem taking your money, but they really know nothing about it other than the word "hardcore" can bring 300 people to middle of nowhere Missouri on a Sunday. This day, the altercation got a little more heated with the band leaving the stage and going at it with the owners and security. There must not be mush to do in Sauget, because 7 police officers were at the club with riot batons in less than 5 minutes.

The band was allowed to finish their set as long as kids quit jumping off the stage. Everything ended up being chill, and some of the security guards even bought Terror cds. After the show, the band hung out backstage with our new and very young friends in Stick To Your Guns and exchanged stories about beating up French Canadians in McDonalds bathrooms.

We crammed 8 dudes into a motel room so we could get a few hours of sleep before we had to start driving again at 6:30 am. We all watched 2 episodes of "Intervention". What a crazy show? Have you seen the one where the lady drinks 15 mini bottles of Smirnoff a day? She was wild style. After that, Scott, Martin, and I thought it would be a really good idea to just stay up all night and listen to the old Chubby Fresh phone calls to Snapcase and Earth Crisis. Listen carefully, and you will hear Scott Sprigg bring Scott Vogel into the conversation for no reason. We all got a good laugh out of it, even though we could have gotten beaten up "very badly".

Misha's quote of the day – "Fuck Dr. Seuss!"

People beefing for the 3^rd day in a row playlist:

Fergie – The Dutchess (If "Clumsy" isn't the 3^rd single, I quit life).

Terror Tour 1/20/2007

2007-02-04T23:10:00.002-08:00

We didn't factor in a time change, so we were actually going to be running late for load in. What do you do in this situation? You call in a ringer. Nick Jett took the wheel and we flew across icy highways, passed salt trucks, and all the other bands at extremely high speeds.

There was a severe ice storm in Springfield leaving 40% of the town without power. Trees were all over the road and thrown across front yards. Tons of houses had collapsed roofs.. An eerie sight for sure. With that going on, we didn't expect much from the show; however, we were definitely proved wrong. There was a great turnout for a place that Terror had never played.

The first 4 bands played and the kids were definitely into it. Terror started playing and once again kids were being thrown out for stagediving. Security was going on stage and pushing people off (which is normally the real reason kids get hurt). The soundguy gets onstage (which kind of defeats the purpose of having a soundguy) and starts doing the same thing. Eventually they get thrown off the stage by somebody and threaten to call the police and shut the show down if people didn't stop "bumrushing" the stage. I don't think that stagediving is a necessity to have a good hardcore show, but I do feel that hardcore can police its' own. For awhile it definitely looked like someone in the band would be arrested, but everything turned out ok. The club apologized and the kids were really excited about the energy of the show.

Afterwards, we went to Terror's favorite place…BUFFALO WILD WINGS! We held a show afterparty there and about 40 kids came out to enjoy fried and flavored chicken. How good is Asian Zing?

Misha didn't do anything too dumb on this day.

Terror Tour 1/19/2007

2007-02-04T23:10:00.001-08:00

Terror Tour 1/19/07

I woke up as an icicle in the van, and then made my way to the motel room. I stepped over 6 bodies that were sprawled across the floor and fell back asleep for a few hours. Eventually we made our way over to the club. Buske had flown in from New York so we played "catch up" with him for awhile. Lucky prick missed out on a 16 hour drive!

Upon arrival to the club, I had 17 boxes of merch to go through. First day of tour is always the best! The band actually sound checked (which never happens), and made up a new setlist.

The Warriors, All Shall Perish, War of Ages, and Stick to Your Guns all arrived. We have toured with The Warriors before so it was definitely cool to see them again. We didn't know any of the other bands, so we talked with them until doors opened.

The show was great until Terror played and they tried to enforce a no stage diving policy (that will become a trend). Eventually that got taken care of and the remainder of the show went off without a hitch.

After the freezing cold and drunken load out (myself excluded), we drove back to the motel to take showers before we drove 12 hours to Missouri. Yes, a 16 hour drive followed by a 12. Seriously, awesome! On the ride, Buske tried to convince the rest of us that Campfire was good. The dude definitely has Syracuse pride.

I asked everyone what they would do if they saw me murdered. I just wondered if they would stick to the G code, or testify to bring my killer to justice. Most people just said they would have the assailant killed. I don't really know what I would want if that actually happened. Misha said he would torture the person and cut their "Hakilles" Tendon. Yes, "Hakilles" Tendon. That was his quote of the day.

We ate very old rotisserie hot dogs at 7/11 and started driving. Nick made it about an hour before he started exclusively driving on the other side of the road. I then took over. A few hours into the drive, I looked over and Misha was profusely bleeding out of his nose. He was just sitting there and doing nothing about it. It thoroughly creeped me out! Then he takes his pillow and just starts gushing blood all over it! What an absolute fucking weirdo, and I do mean that in the best way possible.

12 hour icy drive playlist:

Jay-Z – Kingdom Come
Jay-Z – The Blueprint
All Out War – For those who were Crucified
Underdog – The Vanishing Point
Jedi Mind Tricks – Servants in Heaven, Kings in Hell
Various songs from: Oasis, Justin Timberlake, Integrity, Kiss, Alice in Chains, The Clash, Metallica, Ludacris, Scarface, Bun-B, Beastie Boys, Joy Division, Etc.

Terror Tour 1/18/2007

2007-02-04T23:05:00.000-08:00

I got up at 6:30 and began going through the trailer. We sorted that all out and we started our 16 hour trek to Colorado Springs, CO for the kickoff of Terror's first ever full U.S headlining tour. It took us a whopping 35 minutes before we were all ready to get out of the van so we stopped at Dell Taco. Although, I like Taco Bell better and don't understand French fries at a fast food Mexican chain, Dell is an acceptable substitute for D grade dog meat wrapped in a deep-fried shell.

On the drive, we made fun of Misha (Nick's weird 19 year old Russian drum tech) for asking if Colorado Springs was in the state of Denver. In between the constant Misha berating, we talked about John Brown and his ghetto revival and contemplated on whether we truly felt he was the 'King of the Burbs'. G Child's dance moves obviously followed next in conversation. She really thought that is what sealed the deal? That of course led into how bummed out everyone was that New York voted off "Romance". What a CREEP!

About 8 hours in, we all started going to sleep; except Nick or we would be dead. I took a stagedive (lying on the floor of the van, between the 2 benches.) I watched a few episodes of The Office season 1 (Michael Scott is a great racist) before very uncomfortably passing out.

I woke up a few hours later and my feet felt like how Mr. Deeds' feet looked. It was not warm in there. Lying in a strange position on the floor of a van going through the mountains does weird things to your body. Both of my arms and both of my legs were asleep and I couldn't bend my neck. By the time we got to the motel, I was too shot to even go in. I just moved up to a bench and went to sleep for the night (or day.).

Yes, Nick drove the entire 16 hours, making me question what Misha is even here for.