Destroy Everything - April 25th, 26th, & 27th

Stoke
Newport
London

The Stoke and Newport shows were held in VERY small rooms that no one could believe Hatebreed would be playing. There was no barricade and they held around 400 people max. I would have killed to have seen the band in such an intimate setting. Well, I guess I did see them in that setting but I was dealing with people asking for the "black" Hatebreed shirt when the band was playing.

Wayne never understands why I am so mean to people. I had to explain to him that people just pointing and saying, “That one,” is like me walking into Wendy’s and saying, “I want to eat!” Listen, I need a value meal number and your side dish / beverage choice. Oh, and how the fuck am I supposed to hear you when “Doomsayer” is being blared in all of our eardrums?

Too bad I was in cotton purgatory because the last few shows compelled me to mosh and stage-dive. Well, maybe not mosh…have you seen people mosh lately? It’s disgusting.

I saw a skinhead today in a Norma Jean shirt. That was creepy.

Our bus driver wears Lancer shirts and we caught him watching a Hitler documentary.

Jamey has brought some interesting new moshcalls to this fair land, such as; “Put your cigarette out and get in that pit.” People even smoke in the Laundromat over here. Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of cleaning your clothes? Dumb.

Someone just told me they are going to see the Spudmonsters in Cleveland. Wow, people over here are DEFINITELY 10 years behind. (On a side note; you should go to the show because RINGWORM & WISDOM IN CHAINS are opening.)

Before the London show, the band was scheduled to play live on the air for the Legendary BBC. It was surreal walking through the same hallways as, EVERY FAMOUS MUSICIAN...EVER. While they played, I sat in a waiting room with some young women on their lunchbreak They were watching an Austrailian soap opera that Kylie Minogue got her start on. It seemed pretty addicting. I am glad I don’t live there; it would just be another effeminate program that I would get addicted to. Up next came, Diagnosis Murder. Once again, people over here are 10 years behind. I took that opportunity to lay on a leather couch and go to sleep.

I think the only thing they are ahead on over here is admitting that all it takes to be famous is having huge tits. I love opening a standard newspaper and seeing unsheathed bosoms. Every magazine has topless women in it. It’s fantastic. Why lie and say, "so and so is such a humanitarian, or a great thespian, a great singer…." ,everyone knows broads are just famous because of their massive tits. Cheers.

The final UK show was a special show. It was held at Barfly in London. The band played to over 1,000 people on their last London visit. Today would be a bit different. The barfly has a max capacity of 150. They actually sold 250 tickets to the show, and mayhem ensued. Satisfaction is the Death of Desire was played in it's entirety in order.

Everyone in attendance, including the band really took something away from this show. I took away that I am sick of looking at tribal sleeves.

Playlist:

Betrayed – Consequence

Champion – Come Out Swinging

Destroy Everything - Tuesday, April 24th

Portsmouth

The bus was parked at a D-Day museum when we awoke. Beattie, Wayne, and I once again ventured out into the town. We saw a few huge dogs and a couple lesbians. We ate at a fake Americana styled restaurant that had terrible food. They did have ZZ-Top and Kiss murals on the walls though.

The show was easily the best one of the tour. Legendary guitar tech, Morretti came down to the show to hang out. He had an off day from Juliette and the Licks and was nice enough to bring us some inter-dimensional humor.

The last few days we have been hanging out with Moshachusetts openers, The Acacia Strain. The muscle-bound, “dude” saying, guitar player is amazing. He is a stereotypical jock movie character. The guy parties too. It will be fun hanging out with them on the upcoming U.S. run. I still don’t know his name. A few years ago I called him, “Murder Neck,” because he has a tattoo that says “murder” on…well, his neck. Now I just call him the “muscle-bound, “dude” saying, guitar player.

Destroy Everything - Monday, April 23rd

Brighton

The show was on the legendary Brighton Beach Boardwalk. We got there early and a few of us walked around. It was a dreary day, which made the mist coming off the English Channel that much more interesting to look at. In the distance we could see all of the old rollercoasters and other random amusement park rides of yesteryear.

I got to take a freezing cold shower, which would be great if I was trying to jerk off. I wasn’t. I didn’t realize until a few days later when the same thing kept happening to me, that you have to pull a string hanging from the ceiling to activate the hot water heater. Every shower that I have taken over here has made me feel more disgusting then when I entered it.

The UK may as well be Europe; because everyone smells over here, myself included.

Mickey Fitts came to the show and I got to talk to him for a while afterwards. That man has been a skinhead longer than I have been alive. It was definitely a surreal experience for me to sit there and shoot the shit with him about a myriad of subjects including our upcoming trip to Israel (as the Business had recently played there). He assured me that you CAN eat bacon there and drink beer. He promised that the girls were some of the most beautiful he has ever encountered. What a buzzkill! I had just been planning on getting blown up.

It was St. George’s Day and Frank definitely acted like a local and got completely BOMBED. He ended up leaving the parked bus at one point and we were worried he wasn’t going to make it back for bus call; if at all. Jamey got in a girl’s car and was driving on the wrong side of the road; well the wrong side in the UK at least, and was screaming Frank’s name out the window like he was a dog. 3 hours later Frank came stumbling home.

Destroy Everything - Sunday, April 22nd

Oxford

Although Liverpool described Oxford as “prissy college boys”, they showed up in force and went off. The club was disgustingly sweaty and there was a fire evacuation at the end of the show. The band played for an hour and a half and everyone had a good time. This was a show that I would have liked to have been at as a fan. Sometimes you lose sight of how lucky you are and what exactly it is that you are doing. Hearing songs that I grew up on, being played in a foreign country, in a room of excited kids, definitely helped me get a grasp on how fortunate I am.

Playlist:

Redman – Red Gone Wild (Thee Album)

Kreator – Pleasure To Kill

World Collapse – Deutschland, Deutschland…

Bane – Give Blood

Cannibal Corpse – Tomb Of The Mutilated

Various tracks from: Side by Side, L.I.O.N. Crew, Sick Of It All, Reach The Sky, Ghostface Killah, Outkast, Three 6 Mafia, Killswitch Engage, etc.

Destroy Everything - Saturday, April 21st

Liverpool

This tour should be called the truck stop tour, because everyday Jerry has us parked at one when we wake up. I had not showered since the off day in Exeter, so I begrudgingly used one at the gas station. GROSS. Normally, I wear flip flops into the shower, but of course I forgot them. Hey, at least I remembered 5 different hats; those are sure coming in handy. There was long black hair and dirt everywhere in the shower and the water kept shutting off every 20 seconds. I felt dirtier on my exit then I did on my arrival. It’s hard being a pretty boy on tour with heavy metal bands. Hell, it’s just flat out hard being a pretty boy.

There was a huge soccer match that day and everyone in the immediate vicinity had their Liverpool jerseys on. I guess the team ended up winning; that might explain the drunken stupidity of the locals.

Beattie and I walked around the city for a while. There was a cool street fair going on and some neat buildings to view. We saw a large war memorial and some gigantic statues. It would help if I had a digital camera to document all of this, but I like to be 5 years behind with technology. I didn’t have a DVD player until last year; so a digital camera is just mind-blowing at this point. I walked into a few sporting goods stores on a Jordan hunt. Everything is extremely expensive here. Air Max 95’s are the U.S. equivalent of $240. If you wear those here, you are definitely flossing. That is the only flossing they are doing, because their teeth are obviously not important to them. On the way back to the club we saw some street mimes that Beattie threatened to punch. Another day at the office for him.

When we got to the venue, we found out that 30 Seconds to Mars was also playing in the upstairs portion of the club. That would explain the long line of fat girls with fishnets on, and the emaciated boys with fingerless gloves and eyeliner. I actually got to watch a bit of their soundcheck. Not bad. I like the new song they have out. Am I a fag? No. Bi? Maybe. Beattie wanted to ask Jared Leto if it was his idea to have cornrows in “Panic Room.” I guess it really annoyed him.

The show was the best one of the tour to this point and everyone left pretty happy. The shows over here normally only have 2 bands on the bill. If only the U.S. could take notice.

After the show, Sean and Frank went looking for doner kabobs. At the first restaurant they went to, a soccer hooligan with a gigantic scar on his face took Frank’s hat off and put it on his head. Frank quickly took it back and they walked out to try a different spot. At the second doner kabob stand, a 40 year old woman started lifting up Sean’s shirt and taking pictures of his backpiece with her camera phone. Sean turned around, put his middle finger directly in the woman’s face, and screamed, “And this is supposed to be where civilization began!”

The English are a strange bunch. Then again, so is my 11 year old Jewish cousin who rides “ponies”, dresses like the Easter bunny and celebrates Christmas.

Destroy Everything - Friday, April 20th

Colchester

The show today was in a former church turned venue. It was definitely something to see. The band didn’t bring a backdrop on this tour, so a gigantic stained glass window served as one.

Frank has been asking everyone if they have gone “Number 3” lately. It is his way of giving a numerical value to the age old hobby of jacking off.

All we keep saying to eachother is “Pardon me Mum,” “Freshen your drink, govn’r?” and “Fancy a fuck?” all in our best English accents.

I know we are in ENGLAND and the language we speak is ENGLISH. Is this really how it’s supposed to sound? I can’t fucking understand a thing. Maybe I am just too distracted by everyone’s disgusting brown teeth that I am talking too.

Playlsit:

Ignite – Our Darkest Days

Clipse – Hell Hath No Fury

Destroy Everything - Thursday, April 19th

Northampton

The drive was only supposed to be an hour, but we ended up driving for over seven. I woke up and we were in fucking London. I guess we had to go and get some new drum equipment that they messed up and didn’t include in the initial shipment. Getting incorrect or unusable gear seems to be the theme for the tour.

On our impromptu visit to London, we watched most of the episodes of “The Office” Season 2. Sean, a lifelong T.V. hater, actually enjoyed it! A tear came to my eye when Jim kissed Pam in the season finale. I guess it wasn't a good idea to stop taking anti-depressants after a strong 9 years of usage. Well, Jenna Fisher is definitely worth shedding tears over.

I don’t remember anything about Northampton. Who cares at this point? Every day is the same. You get up. You smell bad. You do your dumb job. A band plays. Kids act dumb. You break everything down. You go to bed. The life of a traveling rock circus.