Thursday, October 30, 2008

What Kent Wears

This is a post I did for Charles Henry's famous online cotton blog. Spelling Errors have been modified. Ideas have been mildly expanded.

This Motorhead shirt features a great oversized logo and a classic
slogan. It was purchased at Hot Topic. Yes, Hot Topic. I first saw Motorhead in May
of 1999. I was a senior in high school and mainly went to see the
opening acts, which featured Dropkick Murphys, Hatebreed, and

Skarhead opened the show and shared some classic banter with the
people who decided to come early. A Motörhead show, similar to a
Slayer show predominantly features 40 year old auto mechanics yelling
the name of the headlining act during every opening band. Lord Ezec
kindly asked , "If you see anyone yelling motörhead, punch them in the
fucking face."

'Kings At Crime' had just come out so most of the songs they played
were off that record. They sent out 'Y.A.S.' to Chubby Fresh who later
allegedly got into an altercation with the band outside the show. I
purchased a Skarhead t-shirt at this show which I wore proudly for
many years.

Hatebreed was notorious for cancelling shows around this time and I
was relieved to see they had made this show. Their set was
unbelievable. They exploded onto the stage and played all of the hits
off 'Satisfaction...'. Was any song not a hit on that record?

Hatebreed were just crossing over into the metal world at this time,
so having to see them with a barricade was a bit foreign. They made up
for it with their energy and intensity and even threw me the mic
during 'Last Breath'. This was one of Sean Martin's first tours with
the band and I remember him smashing his guitar when it started

During Hatebreed, a white trash gentleman in a TOOL shirt, asked me
who was playing. I told him,"Hatebreed from Connecticut."
He said "They are called Connecticut?"
He then yelled Motörhead at the top of his lungs and proceeded to push
everyone around him.

Dropkick murphys were in the direct support slot. "The Gang's all
Here" had just been released and they focused on that. Their reaction
was lackluster, which was surprising because they had a huge skinhead
following in Cleveland at the time. Earlier in the day, I walked in on
original guitarist Rick Barton taking a shit in a stall without a door.
I thought it was strange at the time, but being on tour now, I have shit in stalls without doors, shit in bags, and well...shit my pants.

Motorhead closed the show and played what seemed like every song in
the history of recorded music, and they played them very loudly. I
don't care how awesome you are, a 2.5 hour set is overkill. Too much
of anything can get old, even pizza and suck jobs. I didn't see
Motörhead for 3 years after this, and their next clevo appearance
featured Morbid angel, Ringworm, American nightmare, and Striking
Distance. That is a different story for a different day.

Ask Chucky how to wash and dry this, I just sell the things, I don't
launder them.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Ozzfest '07 Remembered

Ozzfest 2007 allowed me to do many things. I got to meet some professional wrestlers, football players and c-list actors, eat great catering, sweat outside in the sun for a minimum of 12 hours a day, and most importantly I got to interact with some of the best people in Middle America.

I saw pregnant woman guzzling beer out of $9 souvenir whalebone glasses, new born babies literally dying, projectile vomiting (male and female), stampeding crowds (RIP Hatebreed Merch Table), women in sports-bras with coverall shorts, shameless displays of obesity, and bad dental plans.

Tons of shirtless men (and women) allow you to do some great tattoo spotting! Some of my favorites included: 2 PePe le Pew tattoos (1 on a man), tons of swastika tattoos (my favorite wearer of the swazi tat also had a tattoo of TRU, the New Orleans rap supergroup containing Master P, Silkk The Shocker, and C-Murder, he obviously didn't get the memo that those three gentlemen are not white), 2 tattoos that read, "Trust No Bitch", and both of the men that had them were definitely holding hands with a ... well, bitch.

*** "Do you know Hatebreed?"
"Yeah, I work for them."
"Can you call them for me? Can you call Jamey Jasta for me, man?"
"Bro, why would I call them?"
"Because, that pit is fucking bullshit, and I need them to make sure it gets going!"

***A guy walked up to the giant red HATEBREED tent (where it is clearly spelled out to you 4 times in that classic flaming lower case old english font) and said, “Hateblood, huh? Y’all got any stickers?” Then this great Wisconsinite walked to the Behemoth tent next to me and said, “Hellmouth? Do Y’all got any stickers?”

***“Where are the fuckin’ Kiss shirts at man?”

***“I see you got a shirt that says, FUCK YOU! I LIKE HATEBREED. Where are the shirts that say, FUCK YOU! I LIKE OZZY?"

I replied sarcastically, "They are on the back of the "FUCK YOU! I LIKE HATEBREED" shirts."

"Really? I'll take one in a 3x."

***“Is Hatebreed going to be making an appearance today, man?”

“Yeah, they sign at Jager at 2:30 and FYE at 4:15.”

“OK, so they are going to be signing, but are they going to be playing, man?”

“Bro, what do you think, I am standing in a tent full of their merch.”

“Well, maybe they just sell it here; it doesn’t mean they are playing.

***“Hatebreed…I want to get one of those shirts for my brother, man. He is prejudice.”

“The band isn’t into that stuff, actually.”

“Oh, it’s a band? I just thought it was a racist clothing line, nevermind."

Thank you Ozzy. Thank you Sharon.