Thursday, May 17, 2007

Destroy Everything - April 29th & 30th

Tel Aviv, Israel

The above isn’t a typo. We really went and played a show in Tel Aviv.

After Groezrock, we quickly went to a hotel and showered. The water that was building up in the shower was black and disgusting from all the dirt that had settled on our bodies throughout the day. We then immediately drove to Germany to board a plane to Israel.

It was 6 am and none of us had slept yet. What should you do in this situation? FIND A MCDONALDS! The golden arches had never shined brighter than they did on this fine morning. What is a good thing to eat at this hour? A fucking Mc-Rib. It’s back my friends. I normally hate McDonalds but nothing makes you feel more at home (for better or worse) than a microwaved artificial pork sandwich. God Bless America. Shame on Germany for their constant need to charge you for dipping sauces, though…

Touching down in Israel was a surreal experience. Applause rifled throughout the plane. You could tell that many passengers had been waiting their whole lives for this moment. There hadn’t been one day on this tour that Israel had not been mentioned and playing this show had really split the band. Some were excited and some were very upset but one thing that united us all was that NO ONE knew exactly what to expect.

We were greeted by the promoters of the show and they picked us up in 2 mini-vans. They were definitely younger than expected one of them was wearing a Terror shirt. I was scared to wear my “Peace in the Middle East” shirt, but a local was wearing a shirt that said TERROR on it? Amazing. Sitting in the back of the van, I saw palm trees, sunshine, and a beautiful cityscape. This is Israel?

We got to the hotel and I turned the TV on and they had American Vh1 and MTV. It was wonderful to be watching trash TV in a war torn country. Who doesn’t need to know about the 100 Sexiest Celebrity Hook-Ups?

I roomed with Wayne and we contemplated going to sleep (since we still hadn’t) for the 2 hours we had before load in, but we decided against it. I normally never venture outside of the club, but I realized that today was special and I really needed to take part in what was going on.

Our hotel was one block away from the Mediterranean Sea. It was gorgeous outside and the scenery was equally impressive. One thing we noticed was that people were just living their lives. A guy walking his dog, a fat girl with a Mohawk, people hanging out on the beach, it showed us how normal these people were. It was Sunday and we just imagined people being pissed that they had to go to work the next day. It was so far removed from what I had envisioned. By the beach there were memorials that detailed the history and struggles of the country’s people. That is when it really started to hit us. These people have been through so much. Not just what went on during the last one hundred years ago, but what they are going through now.

After my 2nd McDonalds visit of the day, We met the promoter to take us to the club. I told him how impressed I was with the country. I explained that all we see in America are bombings and war. He told us that is why it is so important for him to do this Hatebreed show, because people truly have to live each day as if it is their last. He said he never knows when it will all literally all explode.

The promoter explained to us that everyone has to enter the military for 2-3 years (depending on sex) upon their 18th birthday. He told us that in a time of crisis ANY former member of the military may be called to active duty. Meaning, if Israel goes to war this summer, there is a good chance that the promoter of the show and many people attending it would be called upon to serve and probably die for their homeland. This show really was important and it meant something to these people that we cared enough about them to be there.

The club was dirty, dangerous, and amazing. It had multiple levels to it and looked like it would be in a movie. This was the kind of place Hollywood would have you believe all shows took place at. A huge cross section of people came to the show. Punks, Skinheads, Metalheads, Hardcore kids…you name it, they were there. No one here was too spoiled to miss the show. This was an event. This was a celebration of life.

All night kids would come up to me and just ask me questions. They wanted to know my thoughts about their country, they wanted to hear about America, they wanted to know about George Bush, American hardcore, my thoughts on Metallica’s “Load”, and anything else you could imagine. I never felt more honored to share my opinions and experiences with anyone.

The show was an afterthought at this point, but it was a fucking RAGER! Kids knew the words to every song and sang them until their voices gave out. I met some great people, and no one in the band or crew left that club the same way we entered it. We might have needed Israel more than it needed us.

We went back to the hotel and ate some great hummus before going to sleep for a few hours.
We were in Israel for 12 short hours before we were back in the familiar customs line at the airport. We once again got interrogated, but after 4 security checkpoints, we made it through.

The plane ride to NYC was just your typical 12 hour fare. So, it fucking sucked! I was in the middle seat and the woman next to me puts her seat all the way back before we even take off. The couple behind us were none too pleased. The man got up and reached over the woman sitting next to me and put her seat up. Then the woman next to me put it all the way back again. This brought the flight attendant over and he put her seat back up. This led to all 4 individuals standing up and screaming at each other in Hebrew. We hadn’t even taken off yet!

The band and I were definitely the only Americans on the flight. Everyone on the plane appeared to have never flown before. The fasten seat belt sign meant nothing to these people. The restrooms said OCCUPIED during takeoff. Sure enough, once we were coasting in the sky, someone exited the toilet. Takeoff is probably pretty interesting when you are sitting on an airplane shitter.

I couldn’t fall asleep with the woman next to me speaking jibberish and constantly elbowing me, so I watched 4 movies, including The Queen, The Pursuit of Happiness, Eragon (unwatchable), and Hollywoodland. The Kosher meal was disgusting and getting off the plane couldn’t come soon enough. During landing, someone got up just to throw something away. Lord knows you can’t land when someone is holding a piece of paper.

The strange behavior of the passengers on the airline spilled over to the baggage claim. This was easily one of the best parts of the entire tour. The customs line was so long that people’s bags kept continually going around the carousel. They started to pile up and bags began sticking out and clipping people standing close to them. They bags would then tumble off to the ground. We would run over and pick them up and just heave them on top of the already high piles. People noticed our aggressiveness and asked us to retrieve their bags for them. We were jumping on top of the carousel and grabbing people’s bags. When we would get our own we would throw them on the ground just to make a scene. Hey, it was a 12 hour plane ride; we needed something to get excited about. We were being loud; cheering on people who were getting their bags and yelling at others for grabbing the wrong ones. People were bumping into us and running our feet over with their luggage. Well, they were running over our feet until Beattie started kicking their bags. I guess nobody understands his humor.

At this time I looked over to notice Wayne was still carrying a strange looking object with a garbage bag wrapped around it. Wayne carried this Dimebag Darryl guitar for the entire tour. Jamey gave it to him at the airport on the first day to hold for him. Jamey needed to paint it for an auction, so he brought it with him to paint in his free time on the tour. Needless to say he never once touched the thing and Wayne was stuck with it for over 2 weeks. Wayne always gets the short end of the stick, but he is quitting to work for Rihanna, so fuck him anyways.

After a successful 17 day tour in multiple foreign countries, that included so many moments that will stick with us all for the remainder of our lives, we walked away into the sunset. Well, Frank and I actually just walked a mile to a different terminal with our luggage, re-checked it in and waited 3 hours, only to board another flight to reach our final destination of Cleveland...but it seemed like sunset nonetheless.

Destroy Everything - April 28th


Belgium

Happy Birthday Kyle Sinkler.

I woke up to horns blaring at us in Belgium. Jerry Don’t had the bus blocking an entire street. The day before in London, Jerry turned around in the middle of the highway (which took 15 minutes…seriously, and resembled the scene in the first Austin Powers involving the golf cart) and blocked traffic coming from both ways and hit a building and fucked the trailer up in the process. A city bus driver got out and was yelling at him…so Beattie got out and threatened him. The English do not seem to understand Beattie’s humor.

We got out of our 2nd traffic pickle in as many days and headed to the Groezrock Festival. I was very excited for this show. It was sold out with more than 10,000 people in attendance and had some cool bands playing alongside Hatebreed. Terror, Converge, Ignite, Rise Against, The Lost Prophets, Jimmy Eat World, Tiger Army, Strung Out, and many others all played throughout the day.

The fest was held in a 2 tents in the middle of a dirt field. DUST WAS EVERYWHERE! It looked like a mushroom cloud of smoke, and I am sure it was good to be inhaling it all day. Well I guess it couldn’t be worse than the 2 cartons of cigarettes I have inhaled everynight at every single show. Thanks Europe. It was definitely a black booger day.

It was nice to be so far from home and run into friends in the bands and crews of Terror (yes Misha and Fat Jugs were there), Tiger Army (what up Albert?), Converge (How great is Nate?), Ignite (I don’t know them but their new album is awesome), etc. etc. etc.

I was happy to catch up with all the entire Terror family….even Misha. Buske left 2 pairs of shoes, and his stage clothes at a venue. He then bought a pair of shoes to replace the others, and left those at a venue too. All he had left to wear were sandals. “How is the king of NY rocking sandals with jeans?” Some bands borrow heads or cabinets everyday to play their set…To play his set, Buske has to seriously borrow someone’s shoes!

Frank and I had been keeping up on Terror’s European exploits through their video updates (available here). Needless to say; they could have filmed a lot more footage at this show with their actions.

I was swamped all day, but I managed to watch a few songs from Converge, Terror, and Ignite. Every band was absolutely inspiring. The energy and emotion that they not only bring but evoke from their fans is breathtaking. Converge’s live set has completely evolved. They played with a new tightness and urgency. Every member was doing something completely different than the other, making it impossible to focus on just one thing. Terror brought out true aggression in people and had them climbing tent poles and jumping off them onto the sea of heads below. Ignite probably had people in tears, because the audience was hanging on every word out of Zoli’s mouth and singing it back at a deafening level. Hatebreed did what they always do…DESTROYED! Standing on that stage sporadically throughout the day and witnessing 4 honest and completely different sounding bands deliver such important messages definitely gave me goosebumps. Yes, Scott Vogel, “It’s good to be alive.”

So After the show, Terror continued to get completely drunk (sans Nick Jett: ex. Carry On). They pulled down a 10 foot tall inflatable Jagermeister bottle and jumped on it like it like it was a trampoline. Later, someone said something out of line and BIG DOUG hit him with a Weber grill over the head! OUCH! Doug had to hideout because the police were there in no time. Thankfully, he reconnected with Terror later and everyone was ok…except for the guy who got hit in the head with the Weber grill.


Sunday, May 13, 2007

Destroy Everything - April 25th, 26th, & 27th

Stoke
Newport
London

The Stoke and Newport shows were held in VERY small rooms that no one could believe Hatebreed would be playing. There was no barricade and they held around 400 people max. I would have killed to have seen the band in such an intimate setting. Well, I guess I did see them in that setting but I was dealing with people asking for the "black" Hatebreed shirt when the band was playing.

Wayne never understands why I am so mean to people. I had to explain to him that people just pointing and saying, “That one,” is like me walking into Wendy’s and saying, “I want to eat!” Listen, I need a value meal number and your side dish / beverage choice. Oh, and how the fuck am I supposed to hear you when “Doomsayer” is being blared in all of our eardrums?

Too bad I was in cotton purgatory because the last few shows compelled me to mosh and stage-dive. Well, maybe not mosh…have you seen people mosh lately? It’s disgusting.

I saw a skinhead today in a Norma Jean shirt. That was creepy.

Our bus driver wears Lancer shirts and we caught him watching a Hitler documentary.

Jamey has brought some interesting new moshcalls to this fair land, such as; “Put your cigarette out and get in that pit.” People even smoke in the Laundromat over here. Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of cleaning your clothes? Dumb.

Someone just told me they are going to see the Spudmonsters in Cleveland. Wow, people over here are DEFINITELY 10 years behind. (On a side note; you should go to the show because RINGWORM & WISDOM IN CHAINS are opening.)

Before the London show, the band was scheduled to play live on the air for the Legendary BBC. It was surreal walking through the same hallways as, EVERY FAMOUS MUSICIAN...EVER. While they played, I sat in a waiting room with some young women on their lunchbreak They were watching an Austrailian soap opera that Kylie Minogue got her start on. It seemed pretty addicting. I am glad I don’t live there; it would just be another effeminate program that I would get addicted to. Up next came, Diagnosis Murder. Once again, people over here are 10 years behind. I took that opportunity to lay on a leather couch and go to sleep.

I think the only thing they are ahead on over here is admitting that all it takes to be famous is having huge tits. I love opening a standard newspaper and seeing unsheathed bosoms. Every magazine has topless women in it. It’s fantastic. Why lie and say, "so and so is such a humanitarian, or a great thespian, a great singer…." ,everyone knows broads are just famous because of their massive tits. Cheers.

The final UK show was a special show. It was held at Barfly in London. The band played to over 1,000 people on their last London visit. Today would be a bit different. The barfly has a max capacity of 150. They actually sold 250 tickets to the show, and mayhem ensued. Satisfaction is the Death of Desire was played in it's entirety in order.

Everyone in attendance, including the band really took something away from this show. I took away that I am sick of looking at tribal sleeves.

Playlist:

Betrayed – Consequence

Champion – Come Out Swinging

Destroy Everything - Tuesday, April 24th

Portsmouth

The bus was parked at a D-Day museum when we awoke. Beattie, Wayne, and I once again ventured out into the town. We saw a few huge dogs and a couple lesbians. We ate at a fake Americana styled restaurant that had terrible food. They did have ZZ-Top and Kiss murals on the walls though.

The show was easily the best one of the tour. Legendary guitar tech, Morretti came down to the show to hang out. He had an off day from Juliette and the Licks and was nice enough to bring us some inter-dimensional humor.

The last few days we have been hanging out with Moshachusetts openers, The Acacia Strain. The muscle-bound, “dude” saying, guitar player is amazing. He is a stereotypical jock movie character. The guy parties too. It will be fun hanging out with them on the upcoming U.S. run. I still don’t know his name. A few years ago I called him, “Murder Neck,” because he has a tattoo that says “murder” on…well, his neck. Now I just call him the “muscle-bound, “dude” saying, guitar player.

Destroy Everything - Monday, April 23rd

Brighton

The show was on the legendary Brighton Beach Boardwalk. We got there early and a few of us walked around. It was a dreary day, which made the mist coming off the English Channel that much more interesting to look at. In the distance we could see all of the old rollercoasters and other random amusement park rides of yesteryear.

I got to take a freezing cold shower, which would be great if I was trying to jerk off. I wasn’t. I didn’t realize until a few days later when the same thing kept happening to me, that you have to pull a string hanging from the ceiling to activate the hot water heater. Every shower that I have taken over here has made me feel more disgusting then when I entered it.

The UK may as well be Europe; because everyone smells over here, myself included.

Mickey Fitts came to the show and I got to talk to him for a while afterwards. That man has been a skinhead longer than I have been alive. It was definitely a surreal experience for me to sit there and shoot the shit with him about a myriad of subjects including our upcoming trip to Israel (as the Business had recently played there). He assured me that you CAN eat bacon there and drink beer. He promised that the girls were some of the most beautiful he has ever encountered. What a buzzkill! I had just been planning on getting blown up.

It was St. George’s Day and Frank definitely acted like a local and got completely BOMBED. He ended up leaving the parked bus at one point and we were worried he wasn’t going to make it back for bus call; if at all. Jamey got in a girl’s car and was driving on the wrong side of the road; well the wrong side in the UK at least, and was screaming Frank’s name out the window like he was a dog. 3 hours later Frank came stumbling home.

Destroy Everything - Sunday, April 22nd

Oxford

Although Liverpool described Oxford as “prissy college boys”, they showed up in force and went off. The club was disgustingly sweaty and there was a fire evacuation at the end of the show. The band played for an hour and a half and everyone had a good time. This was a show that I would have liked to have been at as a fan. Sometimes you lose sight of how lucky you are and what exactly it is that you are doing. Hearing songs that I grew up on, being played in a foreign country, in a room of excited kids, definitely helped me get a grasp on how fortunate I am.

Playlist:

Redman – Red Gone Wild (Thee Album)

Kreator – Pleasure To Kill

World Collapse – Deutschland, Deutschland…

Bane – Give Blood

Cannibal Corpse – Tomb Of The Mutilated

Various tracks from: Side by Side, L.I.O.N. Crew, Sick Of It All, Reach The Sky, Ghostface Killah, Outkast, Three 6 Mafia, Killswitch Engage, etc.

Destroy Everything - Saturday, April 21st

Liverpool


This tour should be called the truck stop tour, because everyday Jerry has us parked at one when we wake up. I had not showered since the off day in Exeter, so I begrudgingly used one at the gas station. GROSS. Normally, I wear flip flops into the shower, but of course I forgot them. Hey, at least I remembered 5 different hats; those are sure coming in handy. There was long black hair and dirt everywhere in the shower and the water kept shutting off every 20 seconds. I felt dirtier on my exit then I did on my arrival. It’s hard being a pretty boy on tour with heavy metal bands. Hell, it’s just flat out hard being a pretty boy.

There was a huge soccer match that day and everyone in the immediate vicinity had their Liverpool jerseys on. I guess the team ended up winning; that might explain the drunken stupidity of the locals.

Beattie and I walked around the city for a while. There was a cool street fair going on and some neat buildings to view. We saw a large war memorial and some gigantic statues. It would help if I had a digital camera to document all of this, but I like to be 5 years behind with technology. I didn’t have a DVD player until last year; so a digital camera is just mind-blowing at this point. I walked into a few sporting goods stores on a Jordan hunt. Everything is extremely expensive here. Air Max 95’s are the U.S. equivalent of $240. If you wear those here, you are definitely flossing. That is the only flossing they are doing, because their teeth are obviously not important to them. On the way back to the club we saw some street mimes that Beattie threatened to punch. Another day at the office for him.

When we got to the venue, we found out that 30 Seconds to Mars was also playing in the upstairs portion of the club. That would explain the long line of fat girls with fishnets on, and the emaciated boys with fingerless gloves and eyeliner. I actually got to watch a bit of their soundcheck. Not bad. I like the new song they have out. Am I a fag? No. Bi? Maybe. Beattie wanted to ask Jared Leto if it was his idea to have cornrows in “Panic Room.” I guess it really annoyed him.

The show was the best one of the tour to this point and everyone left pretty happy. The shows over here normally only have 2 bands on the bill. If only the U.S. could take notice.

After the show, Sean and Frank went looking for doner kabobs. At the first restaurant they went to, a soccer hooligan with a gigantic scar on his face took Frank’s hat off and put it on his head. Frank quickly took it back and they walked out to try a different spot. At the second doner kabob stand, a 40 year old woman started lifting up Sean’s shirt and taking pictures of his backpiece with her camera phone. Sean turned around, put his middle finger directly in the woman’s face, and screamed, “And this is supposed to be where civilization began!”

The English are a strange bunch. Then again, so is my 11 year old Jewish cousin who rides “ponies”, dresses like the Easter bunny and celebrates Christmas.

Destroy Everything - Friday, April 20th

Colchester

The show today was in a former church turned venue. It was definitely something to see. The band didn’t bring a backdrop on this tour, so a gigantic stained glass window served as one.

Frank has been asking everyone if they have gone “Number 3” lately. It is his way of giving a numerical value to the age old hobby of jacking off.

All we keep saying to eachother is “Pardon me Mum,” “Freshen your drink, govn’r?” and “Fancy a fuck?” all in our best English accents.

I know we are in ENGLAND and the language we speak is ENGLISH. Is this really how it’s supposed to sound? I can’t fucking understand a thing. Maybe I am just too distracted by everyone’s disgusting brown teeth that I am talking too.

Playlsit:

Ignite – Our Darkest Days

Clipse – Hell Hath No Fury

Destroy Everything - Thursday, April 19th

Northampton

The drive was only supposed to be an hour, but we ended up driving for over seven. I woke up and we were in fucking London. I guess we had to go and get some new drum equipment that they messed up and didn’t include in the initial shipment. Getting incorrect or unusable gear seems to be the theme for the tour.

On our impromptu visit to London, we watched most of the episodes of “The Office” Season 2. Sean, a lifelong T.V. hater, actually enjoyed it! A tear came to my eye when Jim kissed Pam in the season finale. I guess it wasn't a good idea to stop taking anti-depressants after a strong 9 years of usage. Well, Jenna Fisher is definitely worth shedding tears over.

I don’t remember anything about Northampton. Who cares at this point? Every day is the same. You get up. You smell bad. You do your dumb job. A band plays. Kids act dumb. You break everything down. You go to bed. The life of a traveling rock circus.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Destroy Everything - Wednesday, April 18th


Exeter

After sleeping for 3 hours, I got up, showered, and moved all of the band’s gear in the basement of the hotel with the help of original guitarist, Wayne. A runner was coming to take it to the venue, but he had a car smaller than a Mini Cooper and he expected to take all the gear and 8 dudes in it. Needless to say, he had to make 5 trips.

The bus was waiting for us at the venue alongside 2 new crew members. We have Mark from Germany and Chris from Belgium . Mark is Sean’s guitar tech and Chris is Matt’s drum tech. Mark is from Germany, is normally Caliban’s guitar tech and he is also known as Death Metal Dan. Why? Well because for an entire tour, Jamey thought his name was Dan and he wore a new death metal t-shirt everyday. Chris is from Belgium, sings for Do Or Die (as featured on the Eastpak Resistance Vol. 1 DVD), speaks fluent French and doesn't understand a word that I say to him.


Along with our new crew members, we got 2 new bus drivers! We had some weird skinny guy and Jerry Don’t. Jerry is from Germany and is the bastard son of a UK soldier. Seriously. He wears silver chains and sunglasses, hates sleeping in his designated hole, never actually sleeps, and doesn’t speak any English. He just looks at you and speaks in German. I guess I would do the same thing, except I don’t speak German. Jamey just calls him “Holy Shiznit Dog”; named after everyone’s favorite Myspace spam message.

The buses over here are drastically different than in America. The bathroom is actually right next to the steps and most members of the band and crew can’t even fully stand while they are using it. I guess that is why there has been piss covering every inch of the floor everyday since we have been on the bus. There are no front lounges and the back lounge is just 4 bus seats without a door. It is impossible to fit more than one individual in the hallway at a time, making for some interesting maneuvering when everyone is awake.

Nothing exciting, comical, or worth reporting happened at the big campus rock concert. After the show, I just collapsed in my brand new bunk. It was the earliest I have gone to sleep in years. Now, if only I could stick to this schedule, I may be able to get a regular job and act like a normal “bloke”.

Playlist :

Agnostic Front – Liberty And Justice

Destroy Everything - Tuesday, April 17th

Exeter

Unfortunately, we had to leave Dublin. Once again, we had to do it early. Someone wanted me to momentarily hold on to a bottle of crazy Ukrainian whiskey, called "BLACK CARDINAL." Not thinking, I put it in my bookbag. I realized during the security checkpoint that what I had done was going to be a problem. I asked the woman at security if I could bring booze through. Of course, she said no. I jokingly said “Son of a bitch!” She got really pissed and yelled at me and told me that you have to be cordial at the airport. What? Didn’t the Irish fucking invent swearing?

The plane we rode on was a very small propeller plane. VERY SKETCHY! Do airlines ever give out anything for free anymore? You can’t even get coffee without paying for it. Dumb. When the plane first hit the runway during landing it did a nollie. EVEN SKETCHIER! Thankfully, we made it off in one piece and landed in Exeter, UK for our only OFF DAY of the tour.

The motel we were put up in was a very nice and small pub/restaurant/hotel combo. We had roommates again and today I was stolen by my friend and co-conspirator; Frank “3 Gun”. He, F.Sean Martin, and I walked around the town for a while. What a cool city! We had no idea what to expect, as the majority of us had never even heard of Exeter. It was filled with small shops of all kinds. I also realized that the local mall must have been running a sale on HUGE TITS, because every female in the city seemed to own a pair.

We ventured into a really cool underground (literally) bar/grill called Chaucer’s. It did share the last name as the author of “The Canterbury Tales.” I read that once when I was an English major in college. Did I get an English degree? No. Did I even graduate college? No. Why didn’t majoring in English work out for you, Kent? Well, I hated reading and I hated writing, so I figured that English might not be the way to go, and that is why I flunked out of college. Well, that was part of the reason...the other part was that I had a crazy girlfriend, insomnia, and got addicted to high speed internet porn.

I figured I should try something new and act like a local. Therefore, I ordered fish and chips. I had never had fish before in my life. I don’t really know what to think about it. I am almost 26; I just thought I should grow up a little. Sean and Frank were happy to witness a turning point in my life. Other things I don't like to eat: Lettuce (Gross! Who wants to eat crispy water?), tomatoes, mayonnaise, mustard, onions, olives, broccoli, carrots, cauliflower, cucumbers, and anything else remotely healthy.

Upon arriving back at the motel, I immediately passed out. I had been running off 3 hours sleep for the last few nights and something finally gave. I fell asleep from 5pm to 12am. I got up and tried to hijack a local internet connection. We had brief luck and I was able to update my fantasy baseball lineup, see who had won the Nascar Nextel Cup Race, and find out whom the Cavaliers would be playing in the first round of the NBA playoffs.

Jamey eventually came to our room, and we all watched the best kills from “Blood Sucking Freaks”. I became fascinated with the sadistic midget servant character, “Ralphus” and I did some quick research on him. He also starred in a series of pornographic films called: “Anal Dwarf”, and “Santa Comes Twice”. In addition to that he played an Ewok in “Return Of The Jedi.” Unfortunately, he died of a heart attack in 1988. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

None of us could sleep so we thought it would be a good idea to stay up until 7 a.m. when they started serving the complimentary breakfast. In reality it wasn’t that good of an idea.

Playlist:

Mariah Carey – Butterfly

Madonna – The Immaculate Collection

Cam’Ron – Killa Season (Step your game up, Cam)

Furious Styles – Life Lessons

Destroy Everything - Monday, April 16h

Dublin, Ireland

I was able to sleep for 2 hours before we all met in the lobby. One of the Knight Rider leather coat wearing, weird guys who was hanging out with the show promoters went up behind Sean and started massaging him while speaking in his native tongue. It was mildly creepy.


We were definitely running late to catch our 6:30 a.m. flight. The lines at the airport were HUGE! They opened a gate, and everyone just barged in like it was Christmas time and Power Rangers were the “it” toy. We had to wait in another line, and just completely blew the counter girl’s mind when we told her we were checking 18 bags. People were opening up an instruction manual and making all kinds of phone calls to see what the policy exatly was. I think the policy ended up being, “Oh, most of them are American? Well, let’s just completely rip them off.” The airline was going to charge us 2,000 Euro for the weight overage. The guy then said he would only charge us 914 Euro, if we slipped him an extra 500 Euro under the table. Great racket this guy had going on, too!

The flight had a layover in Prague. I once saw a porno called, "Buttman joins Rocco in Prague." We were starved at this point, and sick of eating airline issued, rock hard, plastic wrapped croissants, so we went looking for something better. I don’t know if we found something better, but we did find a Kentucky Fried Chicken. WE WENT IN! I hadn’t eaten one thing since our Friday night meal, so I was definitely stoked to be eating anything, let alone something terribly American. How good are KFC mashed potatoes? Why does the Prague KFC charge you for ketchup? Why do they only allow you one dipping sauce? How are you a KFC that is anti-sauce? BOO!

We boarded our next plane, which was another 2 and a half hour flight. Yes, that is 14 hours in an airplane in 2 days. Exciting stuff. I was sitting next to Schlumpf and he started dissing me because I was listening to Mariah Carey and Madonna. That Mariah Carey and Cam’Ron collaboration off of “Butterfly” is fire.

Dublin, Ireland was absolutely BEAUTIFUL! This was my first visit there, and I definitely want to go back. There was a 16 year old blonde girl with braces that was flashing her friends a good amount of her cleavage. Obviously we proceeded to give her really creepy lurker looks. I think she liked the array of 35 year old sketchy tattooed men staring at her. All women have a convict fantasy. We got picked up in a nice tourist styled bus. This thing was amazing! Too bad we only got to ride in it for 10 miles! Every seat had an individual air conditioning unit. Why can’t a tour bus even have working air conditioning half the time?

The hotel was an old fashioned 5 star hotel. The band doesn’t normally share rooms, but due to budget reasons they did on this day. I was kidnapped by Sean and we went up to view our room. We were definitely quite upset to find out that there was no air conditioning in the room. That bus ride definitely spoiled us! It was sweltering hot, but we managed to find some small fans to fill the room.

Immediately I had to walk to the club with Wayne and Schlumpf, to see exactly what we were dealing with. The club was a cool 600 capacity room with a balcony. Of course, I hadn't received any of the merch yet. Therefore, I walked back to the hotel room and slept on my bed, which was the equivalent of a jail cot, until it arrived.

None of the merch was right. All the shirts looked like they were bootlegged. It’s fun trying to deal with all this stuff in a foreign country. The Acacia Strain arrived as they will be playing the majority of the United Kingdom shows with us. Frank and I toured with them when we were in the Terror van a few years ago so it is always nice to run into past tour mates again. Ok, it actually isn’t always nice. Some bands and people are just terrible and you never want to see them again. I became very good friends with the singer’s ex-girlfriend who was selling merch for them on the aforementioned tour. What up Sheri! Vincent doesn’t hate me! Well, maybe he does. I am also selling their merch for them. I think they got strong-armed into that one. Nice kids though, and I am glad to be with them during their first ever overseas run.

The rest of the show went off without a hitch and most in attendance seemed to have the time of their lives. Some guy kept showing pictures of him with the Latin/Metal band; Ill Nino. He was repeatedly pronouncing their name as ; ill Ni Nooooo . I kept saying, “Who?” I finally realized who he was talking about when every picture he seemed to show me featured his goofy self pictured next to some goofier guy with dreadlocks. Do you sometimes understand why I hate my life? Europeans are a minimum of 10 years behind the United States.

Sean and I stayed up pretty late talking about our various degrees of wiggerdom and the other styles we have fused it with. We discussed, “Repo Man Wigger,” “Gap Gangster,” “Hunting Wigger,” and “WorkWear Wigger.” Sean also expressed the hurt he is feeling over Frank becoming significantly more white by endorsing Nascar. He promised to have a talk with him.

Discussions eventually led to where all good discussions go; The Insane Clown Posse. We were getting delirious by this time and eventually fell asleep with the pleasant pictures of a huge pant wearing, bowl cut rocking, Twiztid hockey jersey sporting, mall rat degenerates who are down with the clown. America rules.

Destroy Everything - Sunday, April 15th

Kiev, Ukraine

I woke up, well actually, I didn’t fucking sleep…so I got up, and the techs and I headed to the club to set everything up. The room was HUGE! It would hold at least 8,000 people. The club was next to a gigantic stadum where the Scorpions once played to 100,000 people. Wow. I didn’t think anybody but Hasselhoff could pull those kinds of numbers in Europe.

Gamma Ray was onstage setting all their gear up. Anytime a band is running smoke at 10 am, it’s a bit much. Who is Gamma Ray, you ask? Gamma Ray features ex members of Helloween! Needless to say, they sucked. I helped Wayne set all his stuff up, because he was the only tech at this point of the tour. After that, we went to the back room, drank some Coke Light, and I took a nap on some rock hard chairs.

By the time Hatebreed took the stage, 2000 people had shown up. The room still looked a bit empty but the kids who were there definitely went crazy. There was at least 100 armed military police officers wearing red berets and aqua camo. Yes, the same camo Jean Claude Van Damme wore in Street Fighter: The movie! Oh wait, that movie was terrible, but at least it was better than Double Dragon: The Movie. Anytime kids would fall over the barricade, I say fall because there was no one on the other side to catch them, the armored security would beat them with nightsticks and throw them outside. It was definitely a tad sketchy, but "when in the Ukraine..."

The room was split down the middle with a T-Barricade. These became popular at larger events after a bunch of people died at a Limp Bizkit show from overcrowding. It’s hard to believe a Limp Bizkit show would be overcrowded, but throughout history people have consistently demonstrated a taste for all things terrible. How great is that “Break Stuff” song, though? “It’s just one of those days where you don’t want to wake up, everybody sucks, blah blah, and you want to justify ripping someone’s head off.” Genius. Wayne was in a cover band called, Bent, after he quit Hatebreed, and they played that and other assorted Ozzfest classics of the late 90’s.

Because of the T-Barricade, there were 2 simultaneous pits going at all times. It definitely looked pretty cool from the stage. The band played an hour and 20 minute set with a lot of songs they haven’t played for a while.

Most people in attendance couldn’t even believe that Hatebreed was playing. A majority of “promoters” over there will advertise that certain bands are coming, sell hundreds of pre-sale tickets, and then have the show never happen. For a band to even show up and play in Kiev, was a great feat for the promoters and fans.

After the show, we immediately went back to the hotel, because we had to get up at 3:30 a.m. to catch a plane to Dublin, Ireland.

Playlist:

Bad Religion – No Control

Glassjaw – E.Y.E.W.T.K.A.S. / Worship And Tribute

50 Cent – Get Rich Or Die Trying

Earth Crisis – Destroy The Machines / Firestorm Demo

Destroy Everything - Saturday, April 14th

Kiev, Ukraine

We landed at 7 am Ukrainian time, which is midnight EST. We had to wait in a sketchy customs line and fill out a sketchier immigration form. It looked like it was a photocopy of a photocopy. None of us filled it out right, and the Ivan Drago looking dude behind the glass wasn’t too thrilled. We eventually made it through and were greeted by the promoters of the EXTREME POWER FESTIVAL which we would be playing the next day.

They drove us through the heart of Kiev and dropped us off at our hotel. We each got our own room which was furnished with amazing Three’s Company d├ęcor. I tried to watch TV, but everything was obviously in a language I couldn’t begin to comprehend. Flipping through the channels, I heard someone singing in English. It was actually a Robbie Williams video, but it wasn’t even the one where he tears his own flesh off, which made it not worth watching.

I eventually fell asleep and got up 7 hours later. I wandered into the hotel lobby and met Matt, and Wayne. They were planning on going to a local restaurant that was feeding all the bands on the festival. Sean’s room was the only room number that I could remember, but I wasn’t even sure if I was remembering it correctly. I didn’t think we should leave without him, so I went up to what I thought was his room and lightly knocked. Then I lightly knocked again, and again. I heard a grumbled “What the fuck!” and contemplated running down the hallway. I realized that it might have been better if I would have knocked on a door and had some gigantic sketchy Ukrainian come out, rather than an angered Sean Martin. When isn’t Sean Martin angered? He came to the door, and I asked him if he was sleeping. He said, “No, Kent the lights are just off and I’m wide a’fucking’wake.” I was still tempted to run down the hall at this point, but Sean decided to spare me on this day, and agreed to come to eat with us after he and I discussed how cool Redman is at age 37.

Our Ukranian escorts, not hookers; just dudes who worked at the show, walked us to the restaurant. One of them had a video camera and just was candidly videotaping us. I understand what he was trying to do, but it truly didn’t make it any less uncomfortable. Thankfully Sean yelled at the guy and he shut it off.

REAL escorts actually approached us in the restaurant, but we politely declined.

I made it back to my room and stayed up ALL night. It got pretty fucking boring in there, especially because I was watching CNN Worlwide for at least 5 hours straight. I can’t believe Prince William dumped his girlfriend. The media ruins another relationship. The only English people I really care about are S.A.S. (amazing in State Property 2), Posh Spice, David Beckham, and Katie “Jordan” Price, who is knocked up right now and looking like a blimp.

Destroy Everything - Friday, April 13th

Airport

On Friday April 13th, I flew to New York’s JFK airport from Cleveland to meet the band. My bag was already overweight. Yes, I pack like a girl. The guy at the counter said he would help me out if I helped him out. I offered him $7 and his face lit up. Great racket this guy had going on. Overweight baggage will be a theme.

I was quite happy to be leaving Cleveland because it had been snowing there for a week straight. Yes, It snows in April. Yes, that is dumb. Yes, my Jewish cousin had to cancel his Kosher Easter Egg Hunt. Yes, my Jewish cousin does own an Easter Bunny costume and was going to wear it for said hunt. Yes, that it is creepy. Kent, why don’t you tell us more about your personal life and your month and a half you just had off? Well, my life is somewhat boring and like any great reporter, I exploit other people, not myself.

I met the band and killed a few hours with them at the airport. It was nice to see everyone again, as I had been away from them since January 1st. We briefly caught up, and I noticed that an unnamed member of our party absolutely reeked of urine and admitted to pissing himself in a drunken stupor the previous night. I noticed some strange yellow markings all over the side of his shirt. I am no detective, but I figured it out. Normally after I piss myself, I change my clothes. I am not here to throw anyone under the bus, unless you are Misha, so do your own deducting.

We boarded the plane and readied ourselves for the 9 hour ride that was about to begin. Ouch! We were all split up throughout the plane. I was fortunate enough to have an empty seat between me and the next person over from me. I was not fortunate enough to commandeer the entire vacant row in front of me like Jamey did. Dude was seriously laying down in coach. Normally, such strokes of pure luck are reserved for Terror’s Doug Weber. The two broken English speaking United States citizens next to me were anything but pleased with Jamey’s seating arrangement. They drowned their displeasure with a plethora of $5 bottles of airline vodka. More on them later.

The in-flight movie was “The Holiday” starring such celebrities as Jude Law, Cameron Diaz, Jack Black, and Kate Winslet. I always kind of thought Kate Winslet was sexy. Maybe it is because she shows her fire-crotch in the majority of films she appears in. Not in this one though, sorry. Cameron Diaz either looks completely haggard or drop dead gorgeous, and in this film, it was thankfully the latter. The movie was a bit different than your standard romantic comedy fare, and it almost made me shed a tear at the end. I was next to the weird Arab drunk guys though, and I thought they would clown me. The movie showed me that love is possible, despite the distance and differences that separate two individuals.


Ok, back to the two drunk guys. I don’t really know if they were Arabs. I do know that they were U.S. citizens that didn’t speak English. I also know that they got OBLITERATED for 8 straight hours on mini bar sized booze. When female flight attendants walked by, the older gentleman held his hands up and groped the air as if they were her breasts. That is something my dad would do, which doesn’t make it any less creepy/amazing. Later, they told a 60 going on 90 year old flight attendant that she was beautiful. She encouraged them to keep drinking. They heeded her advice.

Planelist:

T.I. - King

Lil Wayne – The Drought 3 / The Dedication 2

Devin The Dude – Just Tryin’ Ta Live

Desperate Measures – Never Enough Time / It’s On Our Hands

Day Of Contempt – The Will To Live

Cro-Mags – Alpha Omega (soon to be re-released on Reaper Records...) www.reaperhardcore.com

Season 2: Destroy Everything

Like any great reality series or semi-reality blog series, Season 2 always has some character and element changes. I have been kidnapped by a different set of rockstars this time and we are taking our traveling freak show across the pond. This next series will Hatebreed and me, as we travel to the Ukraine, Ireland, United Kingdom, Belgium, and Israel.

Season 1 relied heavily on the hijinks of Misha, Buske, and Martin, and ignored the existence of everyone else in the band. Hey, when stars are developing, you have to run with it. I am unsure who will be prominently featured at this point, we will have to just wait and see who does the dumbest things first and then most frequently.

Character introduction is key to any new reader, so let me introduce the Cast and Crew of Hatebreed’s Destroy Everything UK 2007 semi-reality-blog:

Frank “3 Gun” Novinec – Frank is Hatebreed’s newest member, and resident rager. He earned his stripes by playing in 2 of the greatest Cleveland Hardcore bands ever; Ringworm and Integrity. He simultaneously worked at National Tire and Battery, evaded the IRS, sold weed, raised a child, and spent $10,000 on the 1996 Kiss reunion tour. Later, he joined America’s 3rd favorite hardcore band; Terror. He is a personal hero and close friend.

Beattie – Some people are known by their last names only. They are mostly high school football players that push you into your locker. Beattie isn’t a high school football player, but he will push you into your locker.

Wayne Lozinak – Wayne is Hatebreed’s original guitar player (Demo, Neglect Split, Under the Knife) and now he is Frank and Beattie’s tech. Weird, right? Before Wayne started teching last summer, he owned and operated a coffee truck that preyed on weak minded individuals on their lunch break. Wayne has a tendency to get completely drunk with his Bridgeport, CT. brother, Beattie. This has ended in disastrous results, most notably, Wayne attempting to fight a gang of 10 Turks on the first day of Hatebreed’s fall Euro tour. When Beattie attempted to intervene, he had his wrist broken in the melee. Wayne was sent home from the tour, Carl from First Blood (ex-Terror/Sworn Vengeance) was brought in to replace Beattie. Wayne has since been forbidden to drink alcohol on tour and is now quitting Hatebreed to tech for Rihanna. You know, “S.O.S” Rihanna. Wayne is going from sweaty dudes to a ripe Barbados teenager. That my friends, is an upgrade.

Sean Martin a.k.a. F.Sean – Hatebreed guitarist since 1999. Sean has shown me that anything is possible. What other neckless, convict looking, hardcore guitarist gets into the rap game at age 35? Sean makes power moves, people. He is producing half of Cage’s upcoming album, owns Brass City Tattoo, and is the mastermind behind the heavily hyped bands; X.O. Skeletons and House of Blow (alongside Darryl Palumbo). Look for Sean to do big things in life and the Cockblockin’ blog.

Matt Byrne – Matt is an amazing human. Not only was he an ex-member of All Out War, he can sing Joe Walsh better than anyone except Joe Walsh. Matt is the king of harmonizing at the front lounge I-Pod party.

Jamey Jasta – What can be said? Jamey is an absolute mad scientist. Founder of Stillborn Records (who released Death Threat’s “Last Dayz”), Devastation Management, and well….Hatebreed. He has recently formed 2 side projects, Icepick (w/ Lord Ezec) and Kingdom of Sorrow (w/ Kirk from Crowbar), and is also the well publicized host of “MTV 2’s Headbanger’s Ball.” Jamey and I will be filming our new reality series; “Stillborn Records: The Condo” this coming fall.

Danny – Hatebreed’s European Soundman. Danny is one of the nicest humans ever and has done sound for Dropkick Murphys, Sick Of It All, Leeway, and Madball amongst countless others.

Marcus Schlumpf – Hatebreed’s European Tour Manager since their first trip in 2000. Marcus hails from Berlin, Germany, has face tattoos, and rivals Beattie and Sean in pure sketchiness.