Airport
On Friday April 13th, I flew to New York’s JFK airport from Cleveland to meet the band. My bag was already overweight. Yes, I pack like a girl. The guy at the counter said he would help me out if I helped him out. I offered him $7 and his face lit up. Great racket this guy had going on. Overweight baggage will be a theme.
I was quite happy to be leaving Cleveland because it had been snowing there for a week straight. Yes, It snows in April. Yes, that is dumb. Yes, my Jewish cousin had to cancel his Kosher Easter Egg Hunt. Yes, my Jewish cousin does own an Easter Bunny costume and was going to wear it for said hunt. Yes, that it is creepy. Kent, why don’t you tell us more about your personal life and your month and a half you just had off? Well, my life is somewhat boring and like any great reporter, I exploit other people, not myself.
I met the band and killed a few hours with them at the airport. It was nice to see everyone again, as I had been away from them since January 1st. We briefly caught up, and I noticed that an unnamed member of our party absolutely reeked of urine and admitted to pissing himself in a drunken stupor the previous night. I noticed some strange yellow markings all over the side of his shirt. I am no detective, but I figured it out. Normally after I piss myself, I change my clothes. I am not here to throw anyone under the bus, unless you are Misha, so do your own deducting.
We boarded the plane and readied ourselves for the 9 hour ride that was about to begin. Ouch! We were all split up throughout the plane. I was fortunate enough to have an empty seat between me and the next person over from me. I was not fortunate enough to commandeer the entire vacant row in front of me like Jamey did. Dude was seriously laying down in coach. Normally, such strokes of pure luck are reserved for Terror’s Doug Weber. The two broken English speaking United States citizens next to me were anything but pleased with Jamey’s seating arrangement. They drowned their displeasure with a plethora of $5 bottles of airline vodka. More on them later.
The in-flight movie was “The Holiday” starring such celebrities as Jude Law, Cameron Diaz, Jack Black, and Kate Winslet. I always kind of thought Kate Winslet was sexy. Maybe it is because she shows her fire-crotch in the majority of films she appears in. Not in this one though, sorry. Cameron Diaz either looks completely haggard or drop dead gorgeous, and in this film, it was thankfully the latter. The movie was a bit different than your standard romantic comedy fare, and it almost made me shed a tear at the end. I was next to the weird Arab drunk guys though, and I thought they would clown me. The movie showed me that love is possible, despite the distance and differences that separate two individuals.
Ok, back to the two drunk guys. I don’t really know if they were Arabs. I do know that they were U.S. citizens that didn’t speak English. I also know that they got OBLITERATED for 8 straight hours on mini bar sized booze. When female flight attendants walked by, the older gentleman held his hands up and groped the air as if they were her breasts. That is something my dad would do, which doesn’t make it any less creepy/amazing. Later, they told a 60 going on 90 year old flight attendant that she was beautiful. She encouraged them to keep drinking. They heeded her advice.
Planelist:
T.I. - King
Lil Wayne – The Drought 3 / The Dedication 2
Devin The Dude – Just Tryin’ Ta Live
Desperate Measures – Never Enough Time / It’s On Our Hands
Day Of Contempt – The Will To Live
Cro-Mags – Alpha Omega (soon to be re-released on Reaper Records...) www.reaperhardcore.com
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