Destroy Everything - Monday, April 16h

Dublin, Ireland

I was able to sleep for 2 hours before we all met in the lobby. One of the Knight Rider leather coat wearing, weird guys who was hanging out with the show promoters went up behind Sean and started massaging him while speaking in his native tongue. It was mildly creepy.

We were definitely running late to catch our 6:30 a.m. flight. The lines at the airport were HUGE! They opened a gate, and everyone just barged in like it was Christmas time and Power Rangers were the “it” toy. We had to wait in another line, and just completely blew the counter girl’s mind when we told her we were checking 18 bags. People were opening up an instruction manual and making all kinds of phone calls to see what the policy exatly was. I think the policy ended up being, “Oh, most of them are American? Well, let’s just completely rip them off.” The airline was going to charge us 2,000 Euro for the weight overage. The guy then said he would only charge us 914 Euro, if we slipped him an extra 500 Euro under the table. Great racket this guy had going on, too!

The flight had a layover in Prague. I once saw a porno called, "Buttman joins Rocco in Prague." We were starved at this point, and sick of eating airline issued, rock hard, plastic wrapped croissants, so we went looking for something better. I don’t know if we found something better, but we did find a Kentucky Fried Chicken. WE WENT IN! I hadn’t eaten one thing since our Friday night meal, so I was definitely stoked to be eating anything, let alone something terribly American. How good are KFC mashed potatoes? Why does the Prague KFC charge you for ketchup? Why do they only allow you one dipping sauce? How are you a KFC that is anti-sauce? BOO!

We boarded our next plane, which was another 2 and a half hour flight. Yes, that is 14 hours in an airplane in 2 days. Exciting stuff. I was sitting next to Schlumpf and he started dissing me because I was listening to Mariah Carey and Madonna. That Mariah Carey and Cam’Ron collaboration off of “Butterfly” is fire.

Dublin, Ireland was absolutely BEAUTIFUL! This was my first visit there, and I definitely want to go back. There was a 16 year old blonde girl with braces that was flashing her friends a good amount of her cleavage. Obviously we proceeded to give her really creepy lurker looks. I think she liked the array of 35 year old sketchy tattooed men staring at her. All women have a convict fantasy. We got picked up in a nice tourist styled bus. This thing was amazing! Too bad we only got to ride in it for 10 miles! Every seat had an individual air conditioning unit. Why can’t a tour bus even have working air conditioning half the time?

The hotel was an old fashioned 5 star hotel. The band doesn’t normally share rooms, but due to budget reasons they did on this day. I was kidnapped by Sean and we went up to view our room. We were definitely quite upset to find out that there was no air conditioning in the room. That bus ride definitely spoiled us! It was sweltering hot, but we managed to find some small fans to fill the room.

Immediately I had to walk to the club with Wayne and Schlumpf, to see exactly what we were dealing with. The club was a cool 600 capacity room with a balcony. Of course, I hadn't received any of the merch yet. Therefore, I walked back to the hotel room and slept on my bed, which was the equivalent of a jail cot, until it arrived.

None of the merch was right. All the shirts looked like they were bootlegged. It’s fun trying to deal with all this stuff in a foreign country. The Acacia Strain arrived as they will be playing the majority of the United Kingdom shows with us. Frank and I toured with them when we were in the Terror van a few years ago so it is always nice to run into past tour mates again. Ok, it actually isn’t always nice. Some bands and people are just terrible and you never want to see them again. I became very good friends with the singer’s ex-girlfriend who was selling merch for them on the aforementioned tour. What up Sheri! Vincent doesn’t hate me! Well, maybe he does. I am also selling their merch for them. I think they got strong-armed into that one. Nice kids though, and I am glad to be with them during their first ever overseas run.

The rest of the show went off without a hitch and most in attendance seemed to have the time of their lives. Some guy kept showing pictures of him with the Latin/Metal band; Ill Nino. He was repeatedly pronouncing their name as ; ill Ni Nooooo . I kept saying, “Who?” I finally realized who he was talking about when every picture he seemed to show me featured his goofy self pictured next to some goofier guy with dreadlocks. Do you sometimes understand why I hate my life? Europeans are a minimum of 10 years behind the United States.

Sean and I stayed up pretty late talking about our various degrees of wiggerdom and the other styles we have fused it with. We discussed, “Repo Man Wigger,” “Gap Gangster,” “Hunting Wigger,” and “WorkWear Wigger.” Sean also expressed the hurt he is feeling over Frank becoming significantly more white by endorsing Nascar. He promised to have a talk with him.

Discussions eventually led to where all good discussions go; The Insane Clown Posse. We were getting delirious by this time and eventually fell asleep with the pleasant pictures of a huge pant wearing, bowl cut rocking, Twiztid hockey jersey sporting, mall rat degenerates who are down with the clown. America rules.