Destroy Everything - Tuesday, April 17th

Exeter

Unfortunately, we had to leave Dublin. Once again, we had to do it early. Someone wanted me to momentarily hold on to a bottle of crazy Ukrainian whiskey, called "BLACK CARDINAL." Not thinking, I put it in my bookbag. I realized during the security checkpoint that what I had done was going to be a problem. I asked the woman at security if I could bring booze through. Of course, she said no. I jokingly said “Son of a bitch!” She got really pissed and yelled at me and told me that you have to be cordial at the airport. What? Didn’t the Irish fucking invent swearing?

The plane we rode on was a very small propeller plane. VERY SKETCHY! Do airlines ever give out anything for free anymore? You can’t even get coffee without paying for it. Dumb. When the plane first hit the runway during landing it did a nollie. EVEN SKETCHIER! Thankfully, we made it off in one piece and landed in Exeter, UK for our only OFF DAY of the tour.

The motel we were put up in was a very nice and small pub/restaurant/hotel combo. We had roommates again and today I was stolen by my friend and co-conspirator; Frank “3 Gun”. He, F.Sean Martin, and I walked around the town for a while. What a cool city! We had no idea what to expect, as the majority of us had never even heard of Exeter. It was filled with small shops of all kinds. I also realized that the local mall must have been running a sale on HUGE TITS, because every female in the city seemed to own a pair.

We ventured into a really cool underground (literally) bar/grill called Chaucer’s. It did share the last name as the author of “The Canterbury Tales.” I read that once when I was an English major in college. Did I get an English degree? No. Did I even graduate college? No. Why didn’t majoring in English work out for you, Kent? Well, I hated reading and I hated writing, so I figured that English might not be the way to go, and that is why I flunked out of college. Well, that was part of the reason...the other part was that I had a crazy girlfriend, insomnia, and got addicted to high speed internet porn.

I figured I should try something new and act like a local. Therefore, I ordered fish and chips. I had never had fish before in my life. I don’t really know what to think about it. I am almost 26; I just thought I should grow up a little. Sean and Frank were happy to witness a turning point in my life. Other things I don't like to eat: Lettuce (Gross! Who wants to eat crispy water?), tomatoes, mayonnaise, mustard, onions, olives, broccoli, carrots, cauliflower, cucumbers, and anything else remotely healthy.

Upon arriving back at the motel, I immediately passed out. I had been running off 3 hours sleep for the last few nights and something finally gave. I fell asleep from 5pm to 12am. I got up and tried to hijack a local internet connection. We had brief luck and I was able to update my fantasy baseball lineup, see who had won the Nascar Nextel Cup Race, and find out whom the Cavaliers would be playing in the first round of the NBA playoffs.

Jamey eventually came to our room, and we all watched the best kills from “Blood Sucking Freaks”. I became fascinated with the sadistic midget servant character, “Ralphus” and I did some quick research on him. He also starred in a series of pornographic films called: “Anal Dwarf”, and “Santa Comes Twice”. In addition to that he played an Ewok in “Return Of The Jedi.” Unfortunately, he died of a heart attack in 1988. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

None of us could sleep so we thought it would be a good idea to stay up until 7 a.m. when they started serving the complimentary breakfast. In reality it wasn’t that good of an idea.

Playlist:

Mariah Carey – Butterfly

Madonna – The Immaculate Collection

Cam’Ron – Killa Season (Step your game up, Cam)

Furious Styles – Life Lessons