Destroy Everything - Saturday, April 21st

Liverpool

This tour should be called the truck stop tour, because everyday Jerry has us parked at one when we wake up. I had not showered since the off day in Exeter, so I begrudgingly used one at the gas station. GROSS. Normally, I wear flip flops into the shower, but of course I forgot them. Hey, at least I remembered 5 different hats; those are sure coming in handy. There was long black hair and dirt everywhere in the shower and the water kept shutting off every 20 seconds. I felt dirtier on my exit then I did on my arrival. It’s hard being a pretty boy on tour with heavy metal bands. Hell, it’s just flat out hard being a pretty boy.

There was a huge soccer match that day and everyone in the immediate vicinity had their Liverpool jerseys on. I guess the team ended up winning; that might explain the drunken stupidity of the locals.

Beattie and I walked around the city for a while. There was a cool street fair going on and some neat buildings to view. We saw a large war memorial and some gigantic statues. It would help if I had a digital camera to document all of this, but I like to be 5 years behind with technology. I didn’t have a DVD player until last year; so a digital camera is just mind-blowing at this point. I walked into a few sporting goods stores on a Jordan hunt. Everything is extremely expensive here. Air Max 95’s are the U.S. equivalent of $240. If you wear those here, you are definitely flossing. That is the only flossing they are doing, because their teeth are obviously not important to them. On the way back to the club we saw some street mimes that Beattie threatened to punch. Another day at the office for him.

When we got to the venue, we found out that 30 Seconds to Mars was also playing in the upstairs portion of the club. That would explain the long line of fat girls with fishnets on, and the emaciated boys with fingerless gloves and eyeliner. I actually got to watch a bit of their soundcheck. Not bad. I like the new song they have out. Am I a fag? No. Bi? Maybe. Beattie wanted to ask Jared Leto if it was his idea to have cornrows in “Panic Room.” I guess it really annoyed him.

The show was the best one of the tour to this point and everyone left pretty happy. The shows over here normally only have 2 bands on the bill. If only the U.S. could take notice.

After the show, Sean and Frank went looking for doner kabobs. At the first restaurant they went to, a soccer hooligan with a gigantic scar on his face took Frank’s hat off and put it on his head. Frank quickly took it back and they walked out to try a different spot. At the second doner kabob stand, a 40 year old woman started lifting up Sean’s shirt and taking pictures of his backpiece with her camera phone. Sean turned around, put his middle finger directly in the woman’s face, and screamed, “And this is supposed to be where civilization began!”

The English are a strange bunch. Then again, so is my 11 year old Jewish cousin who rides “ponies”, dresses like the Easter bunny and celebrates Christmas.