Terror Tour 2/10/2007

"Here we go!", Buske yelled as he braced himself against the seat. I put my head down and closed my eyes readying myself. The rain was coming down as we slammed on our brakes and started skidding towards an impending crash with the car that just pulled out in front of us, passing traffic on our left, and a telephone pole on our right… More on that later…

The day started out less perilous with an enjoyable 9 hour drive to Salt Lake City. We got onto talking about Mormons on the drive and Martin was telling me that when they die they get their own planet and the first Mormon walked to Salt Lake with a Unicorn. This will all come into play later.

We also took bets on how many people would be at the show. We recently played with Unearth and Bleeding Through in SLC and 400 people paid. That tour was doing anywhere between 700-1000 people at every other show. Misha's guess was 350. Yeah. We had previously placed bets on first week sales of Killswitch Engage and Hatebreed albums. Misha's guesses were always at least 50,000 – 200,000 off. Confused child.

We arrived at the venue at 5 o'clock. Our fearless tour manager, Fat Juggs Hernandez, was apparently misinformed because the first band was actually playing at 5. So much for me being able to spend a minimum of 2 hours organizing the trailer and restocking merch like I had originally planned.

The show ended up being great! It was easily the best show I have ever been to in Salt Lake City! That is happening a lot on this tour and we all couldn't be any happier!

We ended up going to The Texas Roadhouse for a post show party with the whole tour (minus Stick To Your Guns who are still broken down in Florida). During the short drive from the club to the restaurant a car pulled out in front us. They must have decided it was ok to continue going 15 mph when a van pulling thousands of pounds of equipment is speeding at them going 60mph.

Nick reacted quickly, but the whole van started to jackknife on the slippery surface. Straightening it out only pushed the van dangerously close to a telephone pole. Nick managed to somehow turn into a parking lot and avoid hitting ANYTHING! We couldn't believe it. We all had to sit there for a minute to catch our breath.

Upon arrival to the restaurant, I asked Erika, our hostess, if she was Mormon. Of course she was, so I asked her if she is married to a man with multiple wives and if she plans on receiving her own planet upon death. I guess I was misinformed because this broad looked at me like I had 4 heads, turned bright red, and ran and hid behind the hostess stand! Oh well, at least I still got it with the ladies!

The cinnamon butter at Texas Roadhouse is unreal! A few people bought Misha a steak because his birthday was coming up. I overheard Buske on the phone refer to himself as "Johnny the Pooper". It was creepy.

We checked into a motel and I downloaded the new 50 Cent diss by Cam'ron. Cam really didn't lay into him to hard. How crazy was the Hot 97 phone call? "Curtiiiiiiiiiiiissssss! Curtiiiiiiiiiiiissssssss!" Cam has completely lost his fucking mind. Thankfully Jimmy called in later to cool things over and explain his love scenes in the upcoming movie, "Thugs' Passion", comparing it to "9 ½ Weeks" and comparing himself to Mickey Rourke. Scary. Jim has lost his fucking mind as well. Definitely check out the youtube.com video of Cam calling into Hot 97. The dude needs to go on another vacay to the Bahamas, and ditch some piranhas because he is fading from reality fast.

I also checked out the Kim Kardashian sex tape with Ray-J. Who is Ray-J besides Brandy's brother and guest host of BET's "The Center", you ask? Remember "Wait a Minute" from the summer of 2001 which featured Lil Kim? You don't? "I'm from the land of women, sunny days, chrome spinnin', It's on tonight!" Pharrell was in the video. Still nothing, huh? Well, it was definitely a hit for my brother and I, and received regular play in the basement of 804 Sherman Street.

In the video, Ray-J pisses on Kim, not the "Wait a Minute" video, the actual sex video. Black people love to pee on people! I don't think Martin does. Martin doesn't even eat pork products or lick girl's buttholes so I doubt he goes the yellow discipline route.

Kim Kardashian is the new Paris. She is famous for being famous and is now starring in a sextape which I am sure is horrible. At least it isn't in nightvision.

We got to the motel and all started nerding out for a little while...suddenly, David's Limewire folder showed up on everyone's I-Tunes. He must have been a guest at the hotel. He had no music in his folder, but he sure had a lot of creepy animal porn. Does seeing a dog going down on a girl really turn you on? It didn't turn us on. What? We had to at least check it out and see.